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-   -   To gift or not to gift? Semi vent (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1457341)

mommy24babes 10-25-2012 10:23 AM

To gift or not to gift? Semi vent
 
A little background.

We have 4 kids and my Bil and Sil have 3. Thiers are 11, 10,6
Ours are 7,5,2,10 mos.
we have always given gifts to the kids from the time my oldest niece was born for birthday and Christmas.

Alll along they always had one more child then we did up until our almost 3 yo was born ( his bday is about a month before christmas)
The year that we had even numbers was the year they decided to not exchange christmas gifts for the kids.

I admit it pissed me off a bit but fine. The toys that they got my kids were unsafe dollar store junk ( ie a doll thats head was attached to the body with a zip tie for a 1 yo) It found its way to the garbage quickly.

We still continued to give birthday presents or cards generally spending or giving $20 to each child. All of their kids birthdays are throughout the summer and we gave to each child as normal at birthday diners at my inlaws.


My ODSs birthday is coming up this week. MIL had his birthday dinner last weekend early.

Not even so much as a card!
I am quietly fuming and unsure what to do.

Looking for some perspective.

cheezpoofs 10-25-2012 10:25 AM

Re: to gift or not to gift? Semi vent
 
I think your options are to either continue to give their children gifts knowing that they will not reciprocate to yours or stop giving them gifts entirely.

doodah 10-25-2012 10:28 AM

Re: To gift or not to gift? Semi vent
 
They are obviously cheap (no gift) and rude (not even a card or acknowledgment or heads up). I understand why you are upset but that wouldnt keep me from finding my own way to celebrate THEIR kids special days. Just because they are cheap or rude, doesnt mean that you have to be.

s@hmommy 10-25-2012 10:36 AM

Re: To gift or not to gift? Semi vent
 
Are they having financial problems? Our family has no idea how tight money is for us. We just tell them we only get gifts for our own kids and don't bother to explain because we really don't think they need to know.

mommy24babes 10-25-2012 10:42 AM

Re: To gift or not to gift? Semi vent
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by doodah (Post 15856683)
They are obviously cheap (no gift) and rude (not even a card or acknowledgment or heads up). I understand why you are upset but that wouldnt keep me from finding my own way to celebrate THEIR kids special days. Just because they are cheap or rude, doesnt mean that you have to be.


I know this is right they are kids and it's not thier fault about their parents.

It just pisses me off and adds to the long list of frustrations with DHs family.
Starting with the 5 day a week free babysitting they get when I couldnt find someone to help to go to a doctors appointment.

I almost still want to believe that it was a mistake but I know its probably not because they didn't say anything.

Most of the time I could happily disown the whole lot of them.:banghead:

mibarra 10-25-2012 10:45 AM

Re: To gift or not to gift? Semi vent
 
I am wondering if they are struggling financially as well. We have 5 nieces and 2 nephews, plus 3 kiddos of our own, so we ONLY exchange gifts for the kids, not between the adults. :) I think I would be annoyed too, but not punish the children by suddenly stopping the gifting/acknowledging. I'm sure it makes them feel special.

Corgi 10-25-2012 10:49 AM

Re: To gift or not to gift? Semi vent
 
I would just approach the topic in a way that's not calling them out, personally, and suggest a card-only tradition. Maybe they're having financial issues or something else is going on.

I personally don't really like gift-giving traditions because it seems like more often than not one family can or will do so much more than another and it results in hurt feelings or negative feelings towards family members.
When my sister started having kids (the first of my siblings) all four of us just had a mutual agreement to stick to cards only for the nieces/nephews birthdays, because at that point we were all in hugely different financial situations, and while it would have been easy peasy for everyone to buy a gift for one of two nieces/nephews... I have 8 and one on the way, and no one is done building their families. Knowing the numbers would keep increasing, we called it from day one. That said, we ALWAYS attend and participate in birthday parties. For us, it's all about the fanfare.
Christmas, we also call truce. We each make a homemade treat of some kind, and bring a plate to everyone for their families, but no store bought gifts.
It works well for us, and then no one has to worry about not being in the financial position to keep up with everyone else.

mommy24babes 10-25-2012 10:53 AM

Re: To gift or not to gift? Semi vent
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by s@hmommy (Post 15856724)
Are they having financial problems? Our family has no idea how tight money is for us. We just tell them we only get gifts for our own kids and don't bother to explain because we really don't think they need to know.

If they are its of thier own making.

They have 2 decent incomes, a smaller and much cheaper house than ours. Free daycare and MIL gave them $10000 to buy a newer car as she did for us as well to buy out our lease.

They have money to go to concerts, play rep and house league hockey, go to hockey games. All 3 of thier kids have new ipod touches that they were playing with last weekend face timing each other as well as all 3 of thier ds's with a ton of games.

They should be in a much better place financially than we are.

I guess I just feel like they were only up for it when it was a financial gain for them and thats what pisses me off.

mommaagain 10-25-2012 10:57 AM

Re: To gift or not to gift? Semi vent
 
I would give them the benefit of the doubt and assume financial reasons. Are there more kids on the other side of their family? We've got 2 kids on my side, but 8 on my husbands side. I can understand not buying gifts for everyone but I have to agree that no acknowledgement or card was rude. My brother has given 1 gift ever in the 11 yrs since we started having kids. No cards, no phone call, not even a facebook post! We pick kids names in DH's family for Christmas and don't shop for the adults. It's great in theory because money is tight for us. But my kids always seem to be getting extra gifts (they are the youngest in DH's family) and then some of the adults exchange. It's frustrating and embarassing after they agreed to choose names and no adult gifts. I wish they would just agree to choose adult names, or a secret santa and just stick to it. I also wish they would stop putting my 20 yr old, college student niece into the hat of "kids" names. But that's another story...

mommaagain 10-25-2012 10:58 AM

Re: To gift or not to gift? Semi vent
 
Cross posted with you. Yeah, I'd be really annoyed. We have no i-thingys of any sort in our house yet we find a way to give gifts anyway.


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