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-   -   Would you try for another VBAC if... (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1458743)

LillyIvy 10-29-2012 06:02 PM

Would you try for another VBAC if...
 
I'll spare the details, but I'll be having my third baby around the end of May.

My first was a c-section at 39w4d because I had pre-eclampsia, failed induction (15 hours I got to 1cm), and was simply miserable from all the medicine and finally caved. She was perfectly healthy (they did blow a little oxygen in her face, but her APGARS were 8 and 9). I was a horrid mess of PPD and PTSD for nearly two years when I got pregnant again...

I did my own prenatal care since no one in my area accepted VBACs. My original plan was an unassisted birth, but my intuition kicked in at the last minute and we transfered to the hospital. 5 hours later my son was born by VBAC, but it was hardly a victory. I was 42w4d and he was 11lb 9.2oz (as you can see in my siggy :thumbsup:) He was born with severely hypoxic (lack of oxygen) and his shoulder got caught causing a Brachial-Plexus Injury, leading to his arm not working right. He is now 2 and it's hardly noticable, but we still work on it whenever we can to make it perfect. His APGARS were 1 and 2, the 1 being only his faint heartbeat, the nurse kept asking if she should call Code Pink, which I later found out was stillbirth :cry: He spent 17 days in the NICU because he also inhaled meconium and simply had so much trouble breathing. He finally got to nurse at 14 days because there wasn't a tube down his throat (I was pumping every two hours 6x a day and he was getting it through a feeding tube, which I am SO thankful for).

I'm so afraid to give birth again. I can't deal with PPD again because of a c-section, but I also don't want to have the horrific birth like my son had to go through. Should I try for a VBAC (I'll GLADLY take an induction simply for being overdue) or should I just go for the c-section and hope I make it through the recovery?

raisingcropsandbabies 10-29-2012 06:16 PM

Re: Would you try for another VBAC if...
 
((big hugs)). My first son was a traumatic birth. Homebirth, shoulder dystocia, oxygen deprivation, resusitation, and brachial plexus injury as well. (a video I just posted on here of when my son turned 2 of his journey... http://www.onetruemedia.com/otm_site..._id=1901&large ). He is 5 now and we are still learning with Lefty and working super hard in therapies... he never regained some movements and is limited in others. He is an awesome boy though!

ANyway, inductions are being shown to increase your risk of shoulder dystocia. And mama, you are around 7x more likely to experience another shoulder dystocia because of your previous one. With those odds, I can say I would (and did) a c-section.

I've had 3 babies since my oldest and they've all been c-sections. All my boys got bigger with each one, though I gained the least and was in much better health with them (9.8, 10.3, and then 12.2). With that and all of my first son's issues (Lefty and the developmental help he needed later on), I am thankful for my c-sections. It's sooo different having a healthy baby! I remember being sad about that first c-section, but also amazed that my baby was moving his arm and breathing and I didn't have to worry about him, or take him to therapies, or deal with surgeries! It changed my attitude about c-sections quite a bit.

I wonder if you were more prepared for a c-section, if you would experience no or less PPD. Especially after the trauma from #2. There are things I learned after my first c-section that made my other ones better for healing during that post-partum time (ie: walking tons, freezer meals, having help, staying on pain meds, etc).

((big hugs)). I know it is not an easy decision. And I know what an emotional rollercoaster the pregnancy after a previous traumatic birth can be.

raisingcropsandbabies 10-29-2012 06:44 PM

Re: Would you try for another VBAC if...
 
I also just wanted to add that I think you'd be hardpressed to find a doctor willing to let you have a TOL let alone a VBAC after your second birth. I looked in 3 counties to find a doc willing to let me have a TOL with my 2nd son. Found him (and he was rare!), but it didn't end up mattering as #2 was a c/s.
And you would definitely NOT be a candidate to try for a homebirth again. You are too high risk now. Sorry mama!

And also wanted to add I'm thankful you followed your gut. And that you didn't hemmorrhage (a risk with shoulder dystocias). I wonder if that would make a doctor worry more if you did find one that would let you have a TOL (because of A. a previous c/s B. a s/d that increases risk of hemorrhage).

AniMommy 10-29-2012 06:50 PM

Re: Would you try for another VBAC if...
 
I would explore checking in with a therapist that specializes in PTSD and PPD and cognative behavioral therapies. I had a lot of issues coming to terms with my birth (and it wasn't as tramatic as what you've experienced). At best, it may help heal the trauma of your prior experiences and it may help you make the right decision for you on this next birth.

I did something with my therapist called EMDR which is a method of dealing with PTSD. It involves describing the traumatic experience while listening to a sound that bounces back and forth (bilateral stimulation). It sounds goofy and weird but it's been an accepted therapy for PTSD for the past 20 years. It helps your brain learn to process traumatic experiences.

It made a trememdous difference for me in one session. I am now pregnant with second kiddo and I have worries about how this birth will be. But I don't feel like I am dwelling on what happened in the past. I think if I hadn't resolved my trauma from the first birth, I would be in a far different place.

raisingcropsandbabies 10-29-2012 07:18 PM

Re: Would you try for another VBAC if...
 
AniMommy- That is interesting! I wonder how they differentiate PTSD and PPD from the grieving process??? I feel like you go through the stages of grief when you have a birth (or child) like this. When it's traumatic or not "typical" and what one expected. I know even now I'll experience a different room in the grieving house every now and then with what happened...
So glad it's helped in your second pregnancy! Good for you for not burying all those emotions deep down and instead, dealing with them when you did.

I also think, LilyIvy, that you should be voicing all your concerns to someone who will listen to you... whether it's your therapist, a loved one, etc. Especially when you have those panicky moments creep up on you and you let your thoughts wonder to "what ifs or what if next times". It will help that anxiety even if it doesn't fully take it away. Turn to your beliefs if you have them. After I started having those anxiety attacks with 2's pregnancy, I also started digging deep into The Word and memorizing scriptures about fear and peace. That really helped!

joeslittlewoman 10-30-2012 08:28 AM

I cannot say what you should do, but with those experiences I would opt for a csection. I was much less depressed with my 2c/s, though it was after a failed induction/VBAC attempt. I worked through a lot of my feelings before and switched to a dr I trusted more. Actually, I wasn't depressed at all the 2nd time. I could objectively see where things *might* have gone better with different choices, but I didn't beat myself up.

With our 3rd on the way, I'll likely end up opting for a RCS for hubby's comfort. My doc has offered me a more baby-centered "natural" csection since he knows I've always wanted a natural birth. He will lower the drape as they pull T out, then immediately put him on my chest for skin-to-skin & breast feeding in the OR.

I've never had to deal with complications for me and the baby after. I've never had my baby had to go to the NICU. I definitely see how all of that makes your decision even harder ((HUGS)).

Van1300 10-30-2012 10:02 AM

Re: Would you try for another VBAC if...
 
I am getting ready for my 2nd c-section (36 weeks!), this one will be scheduled. Like you, I had a failed induction with my first (got stuck at 3cm and was like that for 16 hours). I struggled with trying for a VBAC but I have had a lot of complications with this pregnancy (GD, high blood pressure, bed rest, high amniotic fluid) and I just don't want to risk anything.

I think you will find a scheduled c-section to provide much more stability, greater peace, and will lead you feeling in control of the situation. At least that is what I am hoping.

I also agree with seeking therapy for PTSD. Someone mentioned EMDR and cognitive behavioral therapy. I use these both with great success in my practice, especially with Veterans. Regardless of what you choose, I hope this pregnancy goes smoothly for you and that you are able to find peace with whatever decision you choose!

LillyIvy 10-30-2012 01:58 PM

Re: Would you try for another VBAC if...
 
The main reason right now I don't want a c-section is because of the recovery. I'm planning on giving him/her up for adoption so I really don't want a full month to recover for something I have no benefit of...

I am in an area where it's going to be harder to find a VBAC ban hospital than a doctor that pushes fr VBACs. So I'm sure my main problem is going to be less VBAC friendly and more... high risk friendly? Either way, I just really don't want to give birth... I'm honestly over my daughters birth, but I really don't want to be ripped open again...

AniMommy 10-30-2012 02:10 PM

Re: Would you try for another VBAC if...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by LillyIvy (Post 15876231)
The main reason right now I don't want a c-section is because of the recovery. I'm planning on giving him/her up for adoption so I really don't want a full month to recover for something I have no benefit of...

I'm sorry that you have such a tough road ahead. I really think that you should get some counseling no matter how you choose to give birth. I can only imagine what your feeling but I bet you can benefit from having someone there to listen to you without judgment and without a "stake" in the outcome.

Thoughts and prayers with you.

AniMommy 10-30-2012 02:24 PM

Re: Would you try for another VBAC if...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by raisingcropsandbabies (Post 15873104)
AniMommy- That is interesting! I wonder how they differentiate PTSD and PPD from the grieving process??? I feel like you go through the stages of grief when you have a birth (or child) like this. When it's traumatic or not "typical" and what one expected. I know even now I'll experience a different room in the grieving house every now and then with what happened...

I agree that any birth is life changing (and grieving over those changes) for the mom. And I did grieve for the hoped for birth experience but it was such a small part of what I felt.

What I experienced was something different from grief. I had a history of depression before birth. It was kind of what you imagine depression being: saddness, hopelessness and anxiety.

The PPD was VERY different from the previous episodes of depression. For me I think I had both PTSD and PPD and that they overlapped and were intertwined. The PPD part was the disconnect, anger, irritability, and hormonality that I felt within hours of birth and didn't find release from for months. The RIGHT medication and the RIGHT dr & counselor got that under control.

The PTSD was focused on the birth and the events surrounding birth. It lingered after the PPD was under control. For a year after the birth at every quiet moment my mind would return to the birth and playing it over and over and FEELING the rawness of the events as if it had just happened. It was like a sore tooth that you can't stop touching with your tongue. I wrote in my journal on July 4th the year after my kiddo was born (her b-day is late july) how I remembered watching the fireworks when I was 9 months pregnant and how before her birth everything was possible. What I didn't write down was how shattered I was that I was still not healed from what had happened and had yet to bond with my child.

My therapist explained with PTSD that your mind gets stuck in this repeating loop and can't process the trauma (put it away). The EMDR triggers some response in the brain to properly process the experience and stop the "repeating loop." Now after the EMDR (which was one of the worst draining days of therapy EVER) I think of my birth experience similar to how you look at a bad breakup years later. You remember the bad feelings and about how the guy was a toad but you don't feel the pain of the breakup.

To the orginial poster - I hope that you can find peace.


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