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Beaners_Mom 10-30-2012 07:40 AM

Ex violated our visitation agreement
When we created our visitation agreement a stipulation was put in that he was to notify me of any CPS cases he has and visitation would revert back to supervised until the case was closed as unfounded. If it was an indicated report, then we'd head back to court & figure out long term supervised visits.

Yesterday I received a call letting me know he has an open case that's 2 months old. He did not inform me of it.

Is it worth it to file a violation? My concern is that he's not following our agreement and what of something serious pops up & he doesn't feel the need to tell me? By "worth it" I mean will anything be done? Or will the judge just say "you have an agreement, follow it".

The case was for not properly feeding the kids (which is true, he has a history of that), aggression towards the kids (he's been to parenting classes over this) and the condition of the home (which is yucky)but meets NY's *minimum*...meaning there's no feces on the walls/carpets, there are not flies crawling on everything (he has like 10 fly strips hanging in his kitchen), there is no rotting food on the dishes in the sink & counters and there's a clear path through the house in all the trash/clutter.

I'm sick of having to send my daughter with a backpack of food because her dad can't/won't feed her. I'm sick of his house being gross & having to send my daughter over there (she has peed her pants on a couple of occasions because she refused to use his toilet because it was so icky). I'm hoping the courts will do something if CPS can't/won't. I have pictures of the shouldn't something be done? I mean if CPS is in his house multiple times a year over the condition of it, can't I refuse to send her there? I'm not refusing visits, I'm just refusing to send her there (he could take her to his sisters, his cousins, his aunts, etc).

s@hmommy 10-30-2012 08:08 AM

Re: Ex violated our visitation agreement
I would absolutely complain. I am sure you are like me, you don't want your children to have to live in those conditions but you also want her to have a father. Your sweet little daughter should not have to feed herself when she is in her fathers supervision, he needs to take care of her and be a parent.

I would see what your options are regarding allowing her to be in that environment. I can't see how a judge would side with him when he has an open CPS case and it has been happening over and over. No child should have to live like that, even if it is just for occasional visits.

abunchoflemons 10-30-2012 08:13 AM

Re: Ex violated our visitation agreement

Beaners_Mom 10-30-2012 08:24 AM

3 Attachment(s)
Thanks...she loves her dad & he's the type to say "if I can't see her on my terms, I won't see her at all", which is going to kill her. He has 3 other kids living in the household (they're from his first marriage) so I worry about the conditions they're living in as well. I try to sit down & discuss it with him, but since CPS has only given him 1 indicated/founded report & the rest are unfounded, he thinks he's doing nothing wrong. They go in there and tell him to clean it up.

This is the toilet she refused to use. My daughter has been potty trained since before she was 2 (she's 4 1/2 now).
Attachment 123175

This is the sink where they are suppose to wash their hands/brush their teeth/etc.
Attachment 123176

The bathtub.
Attachment 123177

The rest of the house is similar to the bathroom. The kitchen has that icky grey film to it that feels unclean when you touch it. CPS comes in & tells them to clean it up & then months later it's back to the same thing. I'm hoping I can show a judge the pictures and maybe he can do something about it??

newmommy13 10-30-2012 08:33 AM

Wow. I feel great about my house now. I would try to get something done about that. Sorry mama.

s@hmommy 10-30-2012 08:36 AM

Re: Ex violated our visitation agreement
If this is a fair representation of the whole house I would violate the visitation agreement and she would not be in that house. That is completely unacceptable, and if he can't see that he has deeper problems than just not liking to clean.

Is there any way you can complain to the courts and let them know you are not sending her for her own safety? I have no experience with this stuff, but I hope you can find a solution.

madebymommy 10-30-2012 08:41 AM

I would not allow her in that house, I don't even care what the visitation agreement says. I grew up in a house, just like that and it has scarred me very deeply. I don't even allow my children to go to my parents' house because it is just like that. There is NO excuse.

dancingingrace 10-30-2012 08:46 AM

Re: Ex violated our visitation agreement
Wow. That is DISGUSTING. I am a self-admitted germ-a-phobe, so I know I take things to extremes sometimes, but there is NO WAY I would ever allow a child of mine to be in those conditions...for a visit, or otherwise. Jeez...that makes public restrooms look sanitary! I've never been through custody battles/visitation agreements either (except when my parents went through it with us, but that was easy b/c my dad didn't want us..ha), but I would definitely throw the biggest fit and cause the biggest scene about it (without making yourself look like a crazy lady) as possible. There is absolutely no reason that any child should have to live in those circumstances, and I know there are lots of poor little ones who have it much worse, but fortunately for your daughter, both of her parents aren't that way. :hugs: mama, I hope you can get this all worked out!

Beaners_Mom 10-30-2012 08:52 AM

My issue with refusing visits is that I violate our agreement and I was told that if I did it enough I could end up losing placement of her. So obviously I'm scared of that. But I think it's at the point where someone has to do something and maybe a judge can? I understand his reports are not founded, but there's a history of CPS going in there & telling him to clean it up, so that has to mean something in court right? Maybe show that he cleans it up just for CPS?

We bought the house on a land contract 4 years ago from his grandma (who has since passed away) so I believe his aunt & great aunt are in control now...I sent his aunt a message and included the pictures to see if there's anything she can do about it. Maybe tell him to keep it clean or he has to get out?

Either way I'm filing papers for court today over this. He's not listening to me or CPS when they tell him to get it clean and keep it clean.

Beaners_Mom 10-30-2012 09:00 AM

2 Attachment(s)
This is what I have of the kitchen. He was right behind me the whole time, so it was hard to get pictures. If you look at the counters you can see this grey "film". It's all over everything in the kitchen, including the stove & the fridge.
Attachment 123182

Attachment 123183

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