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Leaner 11-01-2012 05:05 PM

Birth Thoughts
 
My 1st was born in the hossy, epidural, episiotomy etc (6 pounds 14 ounces, teeny one) My mom, dad and grandma were there.
#2 born at home after an external cephalic version because she was breech at 37 weeks. Mom, dad, sister, (my) sister, midwives and hubby were there. (8 pounds)
#3 born at home. Mom, dad, both of her sisters, my midwives and hubby there. (8# 12)

#4... I think I want to have Quattro at the hossy with JUST my hubby there. I want it to be special for us, just us. But I worry that my oldest daughter will feel left out, and my parents have been at all of my births and I worry that they'll be felt out.
My sister said that she had her 3rd with just hubby and it was such a great experience. I feel like he's sort of missed out because we weren't together when #1 was born. And my family has surrounded us every other time. Plus I need my parents to keep my 19 month old (who will be 27 months) occupied and my 7 yo won't want to watch I don't think.

Should I feel guilty about wanting it this way? I'll probably change my mind closer to the birth, and I haven't decided 100% on hossy instead of home. But I spend a lot of time with this, because my last birth was not one of those beautiful homebirths, and I was really disappointed and unhappy afterwards. (Not because of her being a girl, but there were a lot of issues and pain).

Fishie Kisses 11-01-2012 05:52 PM

My first (ex-h) was crowded...ex, mil, and gmil. I was way out of it tho. Ds2 and ds3 was just me and dh and it was wonderful!!

gingerpeachee 11-01-2012 06:08 PM

Re: Birth Thoughts
 
I think you should talk to your mom and your daughter about it. Tell them that you're counting on their support this time around, just in a different way. Do you have a hospital near-by that you are comfortable with?

BeccaSueCongdon 11-01-2012 06:17 PM

Should you feel guilty? No. There is no reason to feel guilty for desiring a different birth experience. It's possible that the others may feel hurt or left out, but it's possible to address all of those issues calmly and in love. You can spend some time thinking about exactly what you're picturing and ask your family members what they had assumed their role would be and then work toward finding a role for them that meets your needs and still honors their place of support and respect in your life. It's absolutely legitimate to expect that you and hubby would be able to have private time to birth and welcome baby, and then invite others in to welcome baby as you feel comfortable. How do you foresee them handling this discussion if you were to broach the subject?

Leaner 11-01-2012 06:29 PM

Re: Birth Thoughts
 
I'm pretty sure my mom will be ok with it. She is awesome support though and I will miss that. My oldest girl will be disappointed I know.
My dad will be glad to not "have" to be there, he loves it but hates it, as I always end up butt necked and moaning like a cow.

BeccaSueCongdon 11-01-2012 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leaner
I'm pretty sure my mom will be ok with it. She is awesome support though and I will miss that. My oldest girl will be disappointed I know.
My dad will be glad to not "have" to be there, he loves it but hates it, as I always end up butt necked and moaning like a cow.

Bahahha. Poor Dad. Lol!

You can always "try the idea on" in your mind for a while and see how you feel. And then have it be an ongoing conversation with them. I'd talk to your DH too an see if he'd see it as a bondin thing Btwn the two of you the same way you're picturing. He may have a different viewpoint to add as well.

bluecandi 11-01-2012 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leaner
My 1st was born in the hossy, epidural, episiotomy etc (6 pounds 14 ounces, teeny one) My mom, dad and grandma were there.
#2 born at home after an external cephalic version because she was breech at 37 weeks. Mom, dad, sister, (my) sister, midwives and hubby were there. (8 pounds)
#3 born at home. Mom, dad, both of her sisters, my midwives and hubby there. (8# 12)

#4... I think I want to have Quattro at the hossy with JUST my hubby there. I want it to be special for us, just us. But I worry that my oldest daughter will feel left out, and my parents have been at all of my births and I worry that they'll be felt out.
My sister said that she had her 3rd with just hubby and it was such a great experience. I feel like he's sort of missed out because we weren't together when #1 was born. And my family has surrounded us every other time. Plus I need my parents to keep my 19 month old (who will be 27 months) occupied and my 7 yo won't want to watch I don't think.

Should I feel guilty about wanting it this way? I'll probably change my mind closer to the birth, and I haven't decided 100% on hossy instead of home. But I spend a lot of time with this, because my last birth was not one of those beautiful homebirths, and I was really disappointed and unhappy afterwards. (Not because of her being a girl, but there were a lot of issues and pain).

I would just say you want it to be the two of you meeting your new baby and having a sweet family moment together.

lizgrace07 11-01-2012 08:37 PM

Re: Birth Thoughts
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by BeccaSueCongdon (Post 15885724)
Bahahha. Poor Dad. Lol!

You can always "try the idea on" in your mind for a while and see how you feel. And then have it be an ongoing conversation with them. I'd talk to your DH too an see if he'd see it as a bondin thing Btwn the two of you the same way you're picturing. He may have a different viewpoint to add as well.

Good point.

I can say that my three births have all been just me and DH (well, and a midwife or OB popping in). I think it's such a great experience that I would never want it any other way. So I say, if your DH is feeling the same way, then give it a try.

Keropisunshine23 11-02-2012 12:10 AM

Re: Birth Thoughts
 
I think you need to decide what will work best for you and what level of support you need and everyone else will just have to deal. :goodvibes:


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