Cloth Diapers & Parenting Community - DiaperSwappers.com

Cloth Diapers & Parenting Community - DiaperSwappers.com (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/index.php)
-   Labor, Delivery & Postpartum (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=166)
-   -   Stealing her infancy...a worried momma (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1461415)

Momma2theJs 11-07-2012 11:00 AM

Stealing her infancy...a worried momma
 
This will probably get kind of long...just to warn you now.

I am 26 weeks pregnant with our third child. My oldest son, Jackson, is almost 8, my daughter, Josalyn, is almost 2, and Jase will grace us with his presence at the end of January.

Jase was planned. Well, mostly. We decided we wanted another baby, and we didn't want the age gap to be as big as it is between Jax and Josie. We went off of birth control with the idea to just let my body regulate itself so we could start "actively trying" in maybe 6 months or so. Wrong. I was prego the next month.

I am freaking out right now. Not because I don't think I can handle them, or care for them, but because I feel that Josie's infancy is being taken from her too early. She is absolutely the baby right now. She self weaned around 15 months, but we are still joined at the hip. We co-sleep, and she wouldn't have it any other way. And really, neither would I. I love the bond we have and I feel that she is too small to understand the new baby and all of his needs. Hubby does help, but he works nights, and sleeps during the day, so I'll be largely on my own. Josie is going to need to be showered with affection too during this difficult transition, and I don't know how I am going to nurse a newborn and rock a 2 year old to sleep at the same time. :( I just feel like she is totally getting the short end of the stick! Any mommas with kids 2 years apart or less that can relate and give me some advice? I just cry about it because (well, I'm hormonal for one thing haha) I feel so bad for her and I feel that, even though we want Jase and can't wait for his arrival, the timing for HER is terrible. :(( I feel like she doesn't get to be a baby now.

bridget222 11-07-2012 11:28 AM

Re: Stealing her infancy...a worried momma
 
My oldest was six when we had my second, so he had plenty of time to be the baby. (Sometimes I actually think he had too much time). But when I got pregnant with my third, my baby at the time was 18 months old. I spent so much time worrying about him missing out on being the baby and being pushed aside, because babies can be so demanding. I cried so much when i was pregnant and it was always about that topic.

But looking back on it now, I wouldn't change any of it. And the one I tend to feel bad for his my oldest who has to deal with a six year age gap that separates him from the rest of the kids. When we 1st brought the baby home we tried very hard to make sure that my middle son still got our attention and we included him in doing things with the baby. And he loved it, and when he had enough we made a point of letting him do big boy things that the baby just couldn't do yet.
And by the time my youngest son was 1 year old and my older son was 3 the were inseparable. They are the best of buddies and a lot of that is because they are so close in age and can relate to each other and share the same interests. And it isn't just because they are both boys. My youngest is a girl and there is a 2 1/2 year age difference between her and my youngest son, and they are the same way. The are very close, and play very well together.

I guess what I am saying is there is no perfect example of what a family should be and how far apart you should space out your kids. There are good and bad things about every situation. But maybe you have to start thinking about it like this, you are giving your daughter and your son a friend for life. And I am sure someday she will be very grateful for that small gap in age difference.

Maybe what you are feeling is that guilt, we moms put on ourselves because we don't want our babies to grow up. And having a new baby always reminds us just how much they have grown and that they aren't a baby anymore.

And all the scheduling stuff you will figure out, you will find a way to make time to rock your daughter or read her a story or cuddle and still have time for your baby too. It might be a little crazy at first, but you will figure out what works for you guys. And don't forget that you have an incredible advantage by having an older child too. Make your oldest feel important and needed by leaving him "in charge" of the baby, while you do something special with your daughter. My oldest son used to love chasing after binkies and amusing my youngest son with rattles and watching him in the baby swing. Kids are incredibly capable of helping out and it will also make him realize that he has an important job in the family too.
Your family dynamic has to continually grow and change to suit everyone, this is just teaching you all to be flexible and patient, and work together. It's what makes you a family. : ) Good luck and no more guilt trips for Mama, they only lead to unnecessary stress.

Kiliki 11-07-2012 11:37 AM

Re: Stealing her infancy...a worried momma
 
My first 2 were 19 months apart. The next one came when my youngest was 2.5. My next will be born the same month my youngest turns 2.

None of my kids ever had trouble adjusting, they all feel well loved, and we have plenty of time for them all.

Remember that newborns sleep a LOT for the first 3 months. You will have plenty of time to snuggle your 2 y/o.

I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but these things DO work themselves out. :hugs:

Try to think of how EXCITING and FUN it will be for Josie to be a big sister!!! Instead of focusing on her not being a baby anymore. If you approach it that way, it can change your feelings, and can help influence her to feel involved and excited with you! instead of apprehensive or anxious.

There is a lot she can do to feel a part of it all. She can help you "pick" out clothes for the new baby. She can help by bringing you diapers. She can sing to the new baby.

And to help your mommy guilt, read stories to her when the newbie is asleep and rock her, just like you want to.

Don't worry it DOES work. :hugs:

mommaagain 11-07-2012 11:57 AM

Re: Stealing her infancy...a worried momma
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiliki (Post 15906821)
My first 2 were 19 months apart. The next one came when my youngest was 2.5. My next will be born the same month my youngest turns 2.

None of my kids ever had trouble adjusting, they all feel well loved, and we have plenty of time for them all.

Remember that newborns sleep a LOT for the first 3 months. You will have plenty of time to snuggle your 2 y/o.

I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but these things DO work themselves out. :hugs:

Try to think of how EXCITING and FUN it will be for Josie to be a big sister!!! Instead of focusing on her not being a baby anymore. If you approach it that way, it can change your feelings, and can help influence her to feel involved and excited with you! instead of apprehensive or anxious.

There is a lot she can do to feel a part of it all. She can help you "pick" out clothes for the new baby. She can help by bringing you diapers. She can sing to the new baby.

And to help your mommy guilt, read stories to her when the newbie is asleep and rock her, just like you want to.

Don't worry it DOES work. :hugs:

This mama says it well. My DD was was 2 yrs 3 months when my TWINS were born. She adjusted just fine. Even with me being on hospitalized bedrest for 10 wks prior to their arrival. I missed her so much when I was away but always put on a happy face for her. LO's really take their cues from us on how to react to a situation. We really didn't have the acting out or regression I expected. She doesn't remember a time when she wasn't the big sister. If anything she was spoiled from being showered with attention. You will find what works for you and yours. Good luck.

delicatefade 11-07-2012 12:15 PM

Re: Stealing her infancy...a worried momma
 
I agree. I worried about this SO much when I was expecting my second child. But somehow, your heart grows, and there is more than enough love to go around :) And toddlers LOVE to be helpers. It's amazing watching them learn and grow with a baby in the house.

thoennes6 11-07-2012 12:24 PM

Re: Stealing her infancy...a worried momma
 
My first two are 18 mo apart. My 2nd and 3rd are 2 years and 5 days apart. My 3rd and 4th are 5 years and 1 month apart. I was so worried when I was pregnant with my 2nd that I was cheating my oldest. I have to say that I think that spacing was great for us. My oldest doesn't remember a time without his brother. Newborns sleep a lot. Use that time to snuggle and play with your daughter.

Momma2theJs 11-07-2012 12:35 PM

Re: Stealing her infancy...a worried momma
 
Thank you guys so much. I'm glad I wasn't the only one who felt that way! She DOES love to help, even without Jase here yet. She puts clothes from the washer into the dryer, helps wipe down the table, etc. On top of what I posted, I also worry about their being a big jealousy issue with her, since she does still cosleep, and we rock in the rocking chair, etc. She is very much the baby right now. She loooves babies and I think she'll love Jase and do well with him, but it's the time that he'll take me away from her that i'm worried about.

kannondicarpo 11-07-2012 12:40 PM

Re: Stealing her infancy...a worried momma
 
Just adding that my first two are 18 months apart, the next two are 22 months apart and these last two are 24 months apart. They have each adjusted well with the next addition. Just remind yourself that not only do newborns sleep a lot but once Jase is toddling around he and Josie will be buds!

Kiliki 11-07-2012 12:48 PM

Re: Stealing her infancy...a worried momma
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Momma2theJs (Post 15907087)
Thank you guys so much. I'm glad I wasn't the only one who felt that way! She DOES love to help, even without Jase here yet. She puts clothes from the washer into the dryer, helps wipe down the table, etc. On top of what I posted, I also worry about their being a big jealousy issue with her, since she does still cosleep, and we rock in the rocking chair, etc. She is very much the baby right now. She loooves babies and I think she'll love Jase and do well with him, but it's the time that he'll take me away from her that i'm worried about.

I really think, from experience, that if you just make it fun and exciting, it lessens or totally kills the jealousy issue.

As far as her being rocked or cosleeping, your lap will fit 2 kids, and your bed will probably hold 2 kids, too.:goodvibes:

If not, why not transition her out of those things now, before the baby comes? You have the time before the baby arrives. We just moved our 18 mo old out of the crib and to the bottom bunk in ds room so the newbie can use the crib when he arrives.

Could part of it be that you are having trouble with the idea of her growing up?:hugs:

HeatherlovesCDs 11-07-2012 01:01 PM

Re: Stealing her infancy...a worried momma
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiliki (Post 15906821)
My first 2 were 19 months apart. The next one came when my youngest was 2.5. My next will be born the same month my youngest turns 2.

None of my kids ever had trouble adjusting, they all feel well loved, and we have plenty of time for them all.

Remember that newborns sleep a LOT for the first 3 months. You will have plenty of time to snuggle your 2 y/o.

I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but these things DO work themselves out. :hugs:

Try to think of how EXCITING and FUN it will be for Josie to be a big sister!!! Instead of focusing on her not being a baby anymore. If you approach it that way, it can change your feelings, and can help influence her to feel involved and excited with you! instead of apprehensive or anxious.

There is a lot she can do to feel a part of it all. She can help you "pick" out clothes for the new baby. She can help by bringing you diapers. She can sing to the new baby.

And to help your mommy guilt, read stories to her when the newbie is asleep and rock her, just like you want to.

Don't worry it DOES work. :hugs:

Exactly.

I have 6 kids. My oldest (a singleton) was 26 months when my first set of twins was born. He totally got it and understood that the babies who were growing in my tummy were the same ones now in my arms. He was perfectly fine and had no adjustment or transitional issues. My older twins were 27 months when my second set of twins was born (making my oldest 4.5). Again, no issues at all. Now, I just had my 6th. My younger twins were slightly older. They were almost 2.5 yrs when this baby was born 3.5wks ago. Actually, we've had more issues this time. My younger twins had a little bit of jealousy and acting up, but overall everything was fine and they are over the issues already.

Your fears are totally normal. However, it will work out just fine and your 2 year old is not being deprived at all. She is going to love being a big sister. :hugs:


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:38 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vB.Sponsors