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-   -   Rude? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1469218)

irishdancemomma 12-03-2012 10:03 PM

Rude?
 
Would it be rude to send this to all of DS's grandparents and great grandparents? I'm just so sick of the plastic, annoying, flashy toys. Also, we love in a tiny house and don't have room for a million toys.

I would like to ask all you grandparents to please not go overboard shopping for Brendon (well for our family in general really) if you plan on shopping for him at all. He already has everything thing he needs (as do we) and plenty of toys and with all the stuff he got at his party I'm not sure where we are going to put everything in our tiny house. I don't know if you have already gotten his gift, but if not, a swing, slide, or sand box for outside would be awesome so we don't have to keep it in the house. As far as inside toys go, we really prefer simple and/or wood toys over flashy, noisy, plastic ones. We are trying to offer him toys that provide open ended, imaginative play opportunities, will not over stimulate him, and will last awhile. Wooden blocks, wooden train sets, a shape sorter, a simple xylophone, drum, or maracas, balls (he loves the pokey, sensory balls), books, a wooden pounding bench, a rug with roads printed onto it, and wooden cars or trucks are all good things. I am really not trying to sound ungrateful or rain on your parade. I still want you to have fun shopping, and we will appreciate anything you get him. I just thought I'd throw our preferences out there for future reference and in case you needed ideas.

Resellmybelle 12-03-2012 10:09 PM

Re: Rude?
 
Personally, I feel it is better to have a talk with with "grandmother in chief" for each family instead of a blanket email or letter to them all at once. I think expressing your concerns and feelings will bring you closer together and that's in part what the holidays are about.

I would be slightly ticked off if I got a blanket letter like this instead of a phone call to discuss gift exchange ideas, but that is just my honest opinion. I totally understand where you are coming from, but I think it should be a personal conversation.

GreenDahlia 12-03-2012 10:11 PM

Re: Rude?
 
Rude? Eh. I wouldn't have a problem with it.

EmilytheStrange 12-03-2012 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Resellmybelle
Personally, I feel it is better to have a talk with with "grandmother in chief" for each family instead of a blanket email or letter to them all at once. I think expressing your concerns and feelings will bring you closer together and that's in part what the holidays are about.

I would be slightly ticked off if I got a blanket letter like this instead of a phone call to discuss gift exchange ideas, but that is just my honest opinion. I totally understand where you are coming from, but I think it should be a personal conversation.

I agree with this.

I think this is a scenario for a conversation, not really a letter.

sandhillcranes 12-03-2012 10:19 PM

I totally get why you would want to send the letter but yes imho I think it could be viewed as rude. My mom doesnt always pick the gifts I would choose for DS or DD (like you we prefer wood toys, instruments, art stuff) but--she picks him things she thinks he will enjoy. She gets that joy of watching him open something she got for him. If she asks me my opinion about what to buy, I give it to her.

I wouldnt send a blanket letter like that bc I would be worried someone would think I was telling them the gifts they have been getting all along suck. :( If I wanted to do a letter like this what I would do would be to make a cute email saying "My Wish List to Santa" with a pic. Something cute that seems less serious. Then put on there a little list. Like: outdoor toys, wooden instruments or blocks, etc. It kinda gets the hint across but a lil less demanding? But I def wouldnt be too particular bc afterall it is a gift.

Sent from my iPad using DS Forum

keen1981 12-03-2012 10:24 PM

Hmm. I really think this kind of request requires a lot of class. And a PHONE CALL. No letter. Sorry. I am all for efficiency/ but as I age into my wisdom years, I do think we hide from speaking to people. Tone is very hard to read. And if you are genuinely asking for what's best for your family, alittle sugar and sweetness goes a long way. And for THAT generation- that starts with hearing your voice :)


Eta: I did not read anyone else's responses before posting. So I think you can see, easily, a letter really doesn't suit the situation for a lot of us..

happysmileylady 12-03-2012 10:33 PM

Re: Rude?
 
I agree with everyone else that it's more of a discuss in person type of thing, rather than shoot everyone the same email kind of thing.

Also, I think the wording itself is a bit off putting. I like the previous poster's suggestion of "my wish list to santa" or something similar. In my family, passing around lists of ideas for each kid is not just common, but expected. And they are lists of ideas of what the kids would like, not a list that basically says-here are ideas because we don't want you to buy other stuff. I think there's a subtle difference and your wording in the letter leans more towards the latter....and that can come off as rude.

dncegrl 12-03-2012 10:37 PM

I agree with everyone else that it should be done in person. Emails can be taken wrong.

cathplyr 12-03-2012 11:15 PM

Re: Rude?
 
I would shorten it to just this:
a swing, slide, or sand box for outside would be awesome so we don't have to keep it in the house. As far as inside toys go, we really prefer simple and/or wood toys over flashy, noisy, plastic ones. We are trying to offer him toys that provide open ended, imaginative play opportunities, will not over stimulate him, and will last awhile. Wooden blocks, wooden train sets, a shape sorter, a simple xylophone, drum, or maracas, balls (he loves the pokey, sensory balls), books, a wooden pounding bench, a rug with roads printed onto it, and wooden cars or trucks are all good things

harmoni247 12-03-2012 11:16 PM

Re: Rude?
 
I do think the letter you have right now is rude. And this is coming from someone who has successfully gotten our family to buy a few higher quality wooden gifts instead of a bunch of plastic ones, and i did it by sending out emails. I dont always think its necessary to call...im actually a lot better at getting my message across sincerely through writing, so its better for me, but most people are the opposite.

If you are still planning on communicating this way instead of in person, i think you need to choose one angle and stick with it. Either you have valid reasons for opposing certain toys, or you are just shooting out some suggestions (the wishlist).

1. If you have no space, you can let everyone know that and kindly suggest that they try their best to keep toys small, outdoor and/or a certain amount so that you child is able to keep everything and have room to enjoy it. No other restrictions.

2. If you are more concerned with the plastic, you can express your concerns with health risks, the production process, the marketing for children, heirloom quality, etc. Whatever your reason for prefering wooden toys. One thing i dont think youll ever be able to do, however, is simply say that you prefer them because of how they look, etc. Theyre for your son, not you....so unless there is an ethical reason for opposing certain products, i dont think asking outright for these restrictions will ever be received gracefully. I think the only way to navigate a parents preference with no other cause would be a wishlist, and that will take a long time before they get the hint.

3. Educational philosophy. You say that you want open ended toys, so you can give a short and sweet explanation of the educational philosophy youre following (focusing on imagination, no mindless button pressing, etc.) And then give some links to toys that follow this philosophy to give them an idea of what to keep an eye out for.

The last piece of advice I have is to not send this out this year. It is far too close to the holidays and you WILL make some people worry about the gifts theyve already gotten. Youll seem ungrateful before you even have a chance to receive them, and you probably will be disappointed because they already got your child things that are explicitly against your wishes. Just dont do it. Wait until next year and send it out about 3 months early. Throughout the year, drop hints...talk about the things you want your child to learn with, great toys youre looking at getting, the amazing quality of wooden toys that have held up compared to plastic counterparts. Keep casual conversation about your parenting philosophies, including the stuff in your home. Then drop the email.


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