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-   -   My DD wants to be overweight?!?! (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1471322)

Pabas 12-10-2012 03:17 PM

My DD wants to be overweight?!?!
 
This is my first time actually posting here but I've been reading this site for months because there's some really good advice here! :thumbsup: Thank you already for that!


Starting when my DD was about 3 and a half she started talking about how she wanted to be fat and eat all day long. She would always stuff her shirts with pillows and stick out her belly and rub it and I thought it was adorable! She was a normal weight and ate like a normal 3 year old so I just thought she was going through a phase and might have seen something on TV that triggered this.

About a year after that started she still mentioned it frequently enough (I'd say around once every week) and she did start to get a bit chubby but nothing serious so I had to just assume it was coincidence. But around that time my husband and I split up and since then our DD spends weekends at his house and weekdays here (since she started school he picks her up). I've always been thin but my husband was overweight since we met and was openly happy with his size, so I was starting to think maybe she got wanting to be fat from him.

But now our DD is six and weighs 92 pounds and is 42 inches tall. Whenever we are eating when she is with me she complains that I don't feed her enough and that daddy likes her fat and I do not. She also complains that the lunches I pack for her at school are too small and that one of her friends (who happens to also be overweight) gets more food. But I've done a lot of research and I think I am feeding her how much a 6 year old should be getting and maybe a little bit more than enough. I do think that her father is overfeeding her when she is with him, but I think it is because she asks.

I am really worried because she truly does want to be... "fat." She still talks about having a big belly and being such a big girl. Whenever she makes drawings of herself she makes her body a circle. She even says she wants to eat more and more so she could get bigger!! I think it is past the phase of just trying to get attention, especially because she seems so much happier now that she is actually overweight and she talks about it at school like she does at home. Has anybody ever heard of anything like this and can maybe give a confused mommy guidance??

raymark 12-10-2012 03:41 PM

Re: My DD wants to be overweight?!?!
 
I would very happily provide any hungry child with more fresh fruits, vegetables, or air popped pop corn without added butter.

I would completely ignore her weight comments & immediately stop any and all weight references comming from myself. And, I would talk to her dad about getting her involved in any activities she's expressed any interest in (horse riding, ice skating, sports, dance, theatre, martial arts, music....). I would toss unhealthy snacks, load up on healthy foods, & let her eat to her hearts desire. I would also find ways to be active with her without it appearing as if you're trying to get her to exercise for weight loss (tickle fights, window shopping=lots of walkin, bike rides, crazy dance while cooking dinner together). I would also watch what she drinks. If you buy sodas & juices then stop buying them & don't tell her it's because of her - you can make an excuse of wanting to be healthier yourself or needing to watch your blood sugar. Buy her cute fancy water bottles she will think are cool to carry around & keep her hydrated with water. We all misinterpret thirst signals as hunger signals & eat less when we'll hydrated.

If she notices you're making a lot of health changes I'd take her out for a small portion of fancy ice cream once a week to make the changes easier to accept.

Do you have room for a large outdoor trampoline? No kid can resist a trampoline & they are really a workout?

Most importantly - no matter what her size, tell her she is beautiful & loved!

Michelle_M 12-10-2012 03:44 PM

Re: My DD wants to be overweight?!?!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by raymark (Post 16027696)
I would very happily provide any hungry child with more fresh fruits, vegetables, or air popped pop corn without added butter.

I would completely ignore her weight comments & immediately stop any and all weight references comming from myself. And, I would talk to her dad about getting her involved in any activities she's expressed any interest in (horse riding, ice skating, sports, dance, theatre, martial arts, music....). I would toss unhealthy snacks, load up on healthy foods, & let her eat to her hearts desire. I would also find ways to be active with her without it appearing as if you're trying to get her to exercise for weight loss (tickle fights, window shopping=lots of walkin, bike rides, crazy dance while cooking dinner together). I would also watch what she drinks. If you buy sodas & juices then stop buying them & don't tell her it's because of her - you can make an excuse of wanting to be healthier yourself or needing to watch your blood sugar. Buy her cute fancy water bottles she will think are cool to carry around & keep her hydrated with water. We all misinterpret thirst signals as hunger signals & eat less when we'll hydrated.

If she notices you're making a lot of health changes I'd take her out for a small portion of fancy ice cream once a week to make the changes easier to accept.

Do you have room for a large outdoor trampoline? No kid can resist a trampoline & they are really a workout?

Most importantly - no matter what her size, tell her she is beautiful & loved!

I love everything you said here and agree 100000000%

God bless!

BeccaSueCongdon 12-10-2012 03:54 PM

Love the advice! My 4.5 year old DS has made several similar comments. My dH and I are both overweight (he's about 280 and only 5'10", I'm 5'4" and 215) and very "fluffy." My DS is DAILY squishing my arm flab and saying how much he loves my "Squishy Arm" and how he wants to be soft and squishy and fat like Mommy and Daddy. :-/

Obviously the solution in our situation is to change our own habits and incorporate healthy things for him to want to mimic. And I have been. I've lost 30lbs and kept or off for over a year. And I need to get back into running (I use to run 5 & 10k races for fun, and did a half marathon a couple years ago.).

HisFadedStar 12-10-2012 04:15 PM

Re: My DD wants to be overweight?!?!
 
Thats a hard spot mama, but I agree with the first poster completely. I would also consider maybe a play therapist? I became very overweight when my parents divorced (I was 5) and developed very poor food choices (and food hoarding) and became bulimic at 13, when being fat isn't so fun anymore. It seems like there are some emotional problems going on. I would also be in close contact with her pediatrician, my 6 yr old is 52 inches tall and 57 lbs and even she is in like the 75% for weight (she is also above 100% for height), but a 90 lb, 42 inch tall 6 yr old would be very concerning. I would emphasize reasons why we WANT to be healthy, but no references to "thin" or "fat", just emphasizing trying to be healthy! Bike riding, cutting out TV, walking to the park, etc are all good things to try! Hugs to you!

starfairy1980 12-10-2012 04:21 PM

Re: My DD wants to be overweight?!?!
 
Have you asked her why she wants to be fat?

soonerfan 12-10-2012 05:44 PM

I think the first response gave very good advice. At this point, I'd also consult with her doctor quickly and get a plan in place.

As a point of reference, I am an adult with two kids, 18 inches taller than your daughter and only weigh 3 more pounds. I am a very healthy weight, so her height/weight/age combo would be of significant concern to me (and it sounds like it is for you).

mrsrozberry 12-10-2012 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raymark
I would very happily provide any hungry child with more fresh fruits, vegetables, or air popped pop corn without added butter.

I would completely ignore her weight comments & immediately stop any and all weight references comming from myself. And, I would talk to her dad about getting her involved in any activities she's expressed any interest in (horse riding, ice skating, sports, dance, theatre, martial arts, music....). I would toss unhealthy snacks, load up on healthy foods, & let her eat to her hearts desire. I would also find ways to be active with her without it appearing as if you're trying to get her to exercise for weight loss (tickle fights, window shopping=lots of walkin, bike rides, crazy dance while cooking dinner together). I would also watch what she drinks. If you buy sodas & juices then stop buying them & don't tell her it's because of her - you can make an excuse of wanting to be healthier yourself or needing to watch your blood sugar. Buy her cute fancy water bottles she will think are cool to carry around & keep her hydrated with water. We all misinterpret thirst signals as hunger signals & eat less when we'll hydrated.

If she notices you're making a lot of health changes I'd take her out for a small portion of fancy ice cream once a week to make the changes easier to accept.

Do you have room for a large outdoor trampoline? No kid can resist a trampoline & they are really a workout?

Most importantly - no matter what her size, tell her she is beautiful & loved!

This exactly! :)

harmoni247 12-10-2012 09:59 PM

Re: My DD wants to be overweight?!?!
 
Have you talked to your ex? I think the most important thing at this point is to get him on the same page as you. No matter what changes you make, she will likely have emotional food problems if it's not supported in both homes. After that, I agree 100% with the first poster.

NYCVeg 12-11-2012 06:05 AM

Re: My DD wants to be overweight?!?!
 
I agree with all of the PPs, and I especially wanted to second talking to her pediatrician about establishing a healthier eating plan (by which I do NOT mean a "diet") and also getting her involved in some physical activities.

I also have a six-year-old. She's on the small side (but not the smallest in her class) and she's 45" and 41 pounds. She's much more inclined toward art, so it was hard to find a physical activity that she liked--she hated soccer, she hated ballet--but then we signed her up for a gymnastics class and now she does it 2-3 times a week and LOVES it. Weather permitting, we also spend lots of time at public parks and playgrounds.

Since you have a split custody agreement, I think it's also crucial that you share your concerns with your ex and see if you can work together to figure out what's at the root of the issue and develop some great, healthy habits.


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