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-   -   Getting DH on board for a home birth (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1471742)

kharvey92611 12-11-2012 09:37 PM

Getting DH on board for a home birth
 
Title says it all ! Now I know I'll get a few replies from mamas saying " it's your birth " " you don't need his permission " which yes I agree! Believe me I do !! Here's a little background info ... I had ds1 and was induced due to Pre e at 36 weeks and decided on an epi . With ds2 I went all natural but had a HORRIBLE experience in the "birth center " I use the term lightly bc it's basically a hospital with the title . Anyways I'm currently due early August and knew after ds2 I wanted a home birth . This pregnancy I am 90% sure is my last . The problem is DH is against it , his mom is an RN and had complications with DH birth and DH had issues when born and almost passed away . He is convinced its too dangerous and says I can't convince him it's safer than a hospital or to go along with it . I know once we tell my in laws we are expecting and I bring up home birth yeah it'll be interesting. Doesn't help the closest midwife to me is almost an hour and a half away .

I've told DH I'll do co care to ease his kind , I've had him watch the business of being born as well as some YouTube home births and yeah nothing . Did any of you ladies experience this ? How did you get your hubby on board ? I know like I said its my birth I can do what I want but I want my husband on board , I want him to feel comfortable and be able to enjoy the experience.

married ❤attached mama to L(8/07) and J(9/11) expecting baby #3 in August

You Tell 'Em 12-12-2012 12:48 AM

With pregnancy #2 I wanted a Homebirth. Hubby was against it then I told him to do his own research to prove that a hospital was better/safer. He came out of the office in less than 10 mins with a compromise of dual care. After the second OB appointment he left it up to me to continue or just stick with the midwife. It was *supposed* to be our last baby but now I'm pregnant and will be giving birth at the hospital (planned). I did have postpartum hemorrhage and had to transfer (baby was 100% ok) and I went home after 24 hrs. I agreed to a hospital this time (was super picky on finding the right OB) since 1. We're not in our own home, were house hunting and living with MIL (and not close to a hospital--- we lived 5 mins away with #2, now we are 25-30 mins) and 2. Our insurance is crazy good (not a $5K deduct like before).

I was hesitant on telling family since they're not very NCB type folks but they kept comments to themselves. I would have "educated" them if they had tried to tear me down (that's the last thing a mama needs while pregnant or planning anything natural birth wise).

waterisntsomething 12-12-2012 05:57 AM

Re: Getting DH on board for a home birth
 
Well The Business of Being Born convinced my SO but what I always do to get SO to read something I want him to is put it behind the toilet and remove whatever other reading material is there. Works like a charm. Why not have a consult with a Nurse midwife and let him ask her his questions? My midwife was a CNM with a masters dgree which made my SO a lot more comfortable. She also worked with an OB who was very homebirth friendly. It sounds like he's stuch on his own birth and the fact that his mother is an RN makes him feel like an expert. If you sit him down with someone who is equally or more qualified in childbirth it might take some of the wind out of his sails.

mommycass 12-12-2012 06:45 AM

Re: Getting DH on board for a home birth
 
I would just try to continue and encourage him to research. I also wonder what exactly happened during his birth. Did his mother have interventions that caused the issues? My OB told my DH and I that if we wanted less interventions and things to go according to our birth plan, that a homebirth was better for us(I want specifics like, walking around and eating during labor, and after birth waiting until the cord stops pulsing before cutting; etc)
Maybe starting with an OB and meeting with different midwives to see if they can help ease his fears. If you are close to a hospital that helps too. Then if you need to transfer you can.
Is there a less medicalized birth center you can look into?
I would also continue to express your feelings and ask for his support in a good birth experience for you.
FWIW: I know dealing with the fear factors from the medical field is hard. Even my OB whom has been great, started at my last appt. Saying my baby seemed big and I might want to consider a hospital birth. DH and I know to shrug off the comments but for someone like your DH it can be hard:/ I hope you guys find a compromise:hugs:

mommycass 12-12-2012 06:45 AM

Re: Getting DH on board for a home birth
 
DP:/

Leaner 12-12-2012 07:15 AM

Re: Getting DH on board for a home birth
 
You need to listen to his concerns respectfully. Possibly even do the dual care thing (see dr and midwife, I did with baby #2) and talk to the doctor about those concerns, talk to the midwife about those concerns.
Good luck.

z2akids 12-12-2012 07:30 AM

Re: Getting DH on board for a home birth
 
While it is your birth,will you expect him to be your caregiver/support person? Will you have a midwife or will your DH be the one who has to make decisions in an emergency? If that is the case, I think he absolutely should have as much decision in the location of the birth.

carriek38 12-12-2012 09:13 AM

Re: Getting DH on board for a home birth
 
Have you found a MW who would attend?

I think that, in order to sway me (generally a hospital-birth supporter), I would need to see a pretty comprehensive plan. There would have to be a MW willing to work w/ us, she would have to be willing to talk about the percentage of transfers she's had & what those outcomes have been. Co-care would be non-negotiable for me. TBH, I don't think I'd be able to be swayed into supporting HB if we were more than 1/2 hr from a hospital, preferably 15 min.

I'm not even pg yet & brought up the idea of HB to DP the other night...yeah, that was dead in the water :giggle2: And, you know, I get it. She kind of almost died, DD had some difficulties, & everything ended up okay b/c we were in the hospital for that birth. She's an equal partner in this relationship & a co-owner of the house. If there's no room for negotiation there, that's it.

There's an AP Parents yahoo group for our area that might have some good recommendations, too, but right now DP & I are both content w/ the OB practice that she used w/ DD...the hospital experience was pleasant & while DP needed interventions, as I said, there was a lot of risky stuff & they managed to help her avoid a C & have the Vbirth she wanted. The interventions were not pushed or excessive, and the CNMs in that practice are wonderful.

Oh, do you think your DH would listen to any of the doulas in the area who have attended both HBs & hospital births talk about their experiences?

zandj 12-12-2012 09:36 AM

Re: Getting DH on board for a home birth
 
I had a similar story. Dh was iffy on it, his mum was a labor & delivery nurse for YEARS and talked about the homebirths gone wrong she saw (well duh, she wouldn't be seeing the homebirths gone right! lol) but he did agree with me that the birthing situation in the US isn't right. We saw an OB until 20 weeks, had our u/s and walked out of there so happy to not have to sit in a waiting room an hour past our appt time again. We went on to have a wonderful homebirth almost 3 months ago and DH LOVED it. Loved not having to go back and forth to the hospital, work and home, figure out care for DS, deal with being woken all the time... or having to drive there in labor (good thing too, I was only in labor 3 hours and the hospital is 30-45min away, a crappy one is closer lol), pushy nurses and doctors...

We crawled into bed right after Quorra was born and it was wonderful <3 he is 100% behind another HB if we have a third!

zandj 12-12-2012 09:36 AM

Re: Getting DH on board for a home birth
 
DP


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