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rivershere 12-12-2012 04:03 PM

Am I Horrible?
My husband and I have a wonderful 16 month old daughter. She is the light of our lives and brings us so much joy. When she turns 2 hubby would like to try to have another baby....but... I think I might feel differently. We had always agreed that we would have several children, we both like big families but... I had 1 miscarriage before our daughter, and my entire pregnancy with her was high risk... I was sick all 9 months and I just DREAD going through another pregnancy like that. Plus I love my daughter SO MUCH I'm sort of afraid of having another. I cant imagine loving another child as much as her. I horrible for having these feelings? Our daughter was totally worth everything I went through, but seriously pregnancy felt like a severe 9 month flu, plus I got a PUPPS rash for the last 3 weeks.

MDever 12-12-2012 04:16 PM

Re: Am I Horrible?
No! Of course not:hugs: Deciding how many children to have and when to have them is a most personal decision. You went through a lot and your concern is for her too. I had similar fears. How would I take care of LO1 if I was that sick again. Maybe you can sit down with your DH and just tell him you are not saying never just not right now. You are just not ready. Maybe you will change your mind and maybe you won't. That is your choice.

Melinda29 12-12-2012 04:22 PM

Re: Am I Horrible?
Not horrible at all! Lots of families are very happy with one child. It would certainly make life easier (not better--I love all my kids--but easier) stopping with one. All the time and attention and focus, not to mention having my relationship with DH take priority again sooner. Good luck whatever you decide!

wyatt09 12-12-2012 04:31 PM

Re: Am I Horrible?
not at all mama, i felt the same way that if having another it would be taking attention away from the other and how could I possibly love the same ..but it just added more love and my first and second just loved the new girl so much ;)

rivershere 12-15-2012 11:02 AM

Re: Am I Horrible?
Thanks ladies. I talked to hubby and we came to the conclusion to wait until she is 2 before we would even think about trying again. That way she would be 3 before we had another. Right now she is still in her "baby" stage so by the time she is 3 perhaps she will be more independant, able to communicate more etc. SIGH. sorry for the panic lol

Jul_4 07-31-2013 08:30 PM

Re: Am I Horrible?
I think a lot of moms understand this. I wondered how I would love another child and worried that our first would miss out on our attention. Hope time helps you know what you want to do.

AppleMama81 08-06-2013 05:24 AM

Just because one pregnancy was bad doesn't mean that the next one will mirror that, and the idea that love diminishes with more instead of growing is silly. Yes, your fears are irrational, but EVERY mother of a single child has those same thoughts. Plus, knowing that your fears are irrational doesn't make them go away, unfortunately. It sounds like you just aren't ready.

I once had a friend of mine tell me that she loved her dogs so much that if she ever had a child with allergies or she found herself unable to care for both her dogs and a new born baby that she'd get rid of the baby because she just couldn't see giving away the dogs she'd rescued from the shelter. Completely irrational, right? Now that same woman is pregnant with her 3rd baby and she's so enamored with her children that she's decided to keep them home and homeschool!

I worried about how my oldest child would handle having a baby brother (they are only 18 months apart) and I'm not gonna lie, it was difficult!!! But not difficult on my oldest, just difficult for me to juggle two babies at once. My kids love each other and have always played well together. When my oldest first went to school, my youngest was heartbroken because he missed her so much!

My point in all this is that your child will never know the difference and never feel like they are missing out by having a sibling. But you have to decide what you can handle.

Best of luck to you!

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