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Nica1108 12-21-2012 10:04 PM

Hospital vs. Home Birth...PLEASE HELP!!
We found out were expecting our 3rd child August 12. I had both children in a hospital with the traditional OB. Both deliveries were fast, problem free & primarily natural. My sons birth went great, my daughters birth was TERRIBLE!!! Because of my last awful experience, I want to explore my options, specifically a home birth. My husband is 100% against home births. He wont even consider a consultation appointment with a home birth midwife. I'm so frustrated. I'm currently under the care of a midwife who works with the OB department of our hospital, but I'm not feeling confident this is the right choice. I am excited to try laboring in the whirlpool tubs that the hospital offers and trying a water birth but I don't want to stay in the hospital. I get claustrophobic and depressed in the hospital, I'm dreading that more than the pain of labor & delivery! The only birth center is 45 minutes away, too far to travel in the heat of contractions and honestly, my last labor & delivery was only 90 minutes, I'm afraid I'd end up delivering in the car. Any suggestions? Ideas? Similar fears? Similar problems?

Andbabymakes2 12-22-2012 02:14 AM

We watched the business of being born Plus I scoured thd Internet for info on the safety of it. It took awhile but he came around!

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erin_c_odonnell 12-22-2012 02:18 AM

Re: Hospital vs. Home Birth...PLEASE HELP!!
My hubby was very against homebirth too at first. I researched and kept telling him about it till he got used to the idea. We've had 3 hospital and 2 homebirthes and the homebirthes were a million times better IMO

raisingcropsandbabies 12-22-2012 03:03 AM

Re: Hospital vs. Home Birth...PLEASE HELP!!
I think your DH needs to be on board if you want to try a homebirth. If he is 100% deadset against it and feels strongly in that stance, then I don't know if you can get him to change his mind. This is a time men feel pretty vulnerable (pregnancy and especially, childbirth) and like things are out of their control and I think women should be sensitive to that. While my homebirth did not go as planned, I think after weighing the risks and benefits, it should be an option for low risk women if all are okay with it. My dh, on the other hand, is scarred from it and is so against them now for all women. That helplessness and the trauma really left an imprint on him (he can't even talk about the birth) and I can now understand that feeling that men have... the natural desire to protect, but not being able to. If birthing in a hospital/center is what eases that for a stubborn dh, then I believe a woman should honor and respect that.

If you do deliver in a hospital, would you feel comfortable leaving 6 hours after the birth? I know many women do (my sister did and she just checks her baby's temps at home as do a few friends as well). A lot of docs are fine with that anymore. Thinking of staying 7-1/2 hours in a hospital (whew, fast labors!) may ease that depression some? Or just staying 1 night and leaving first thing in the morning?

If what made the first birth great and the second one not was the hospital staff, how would you feel about hiring a doula to advocate for you? Did you have the same midwife with your last births? That might make a difference.

Best wishes to you!

KaleidoscopeEyes 12-22-2012 03:05 AM

Re: Hospital vs. Home Birth...PLEASE HELP!!
after the horrid hospital birth of ds2 i would never choose to have another one. both dd's had an amazing homebirth

lynn97 12-22-2012 09:08 AM

I would never risk it, personally. I, too, have watched the Business of Being Born and I still chose a hospital birth for DS and will for this one too. I agree with the documentary that our system is broken but I don't believe women are powerless either. The patient still has rights. I am friends with my old OB/Gyn and she is increasingly frustrated by the number of home births. Just last year, she had two incidents with her patients which resulted in deaths (one was a mother that died and the other was a baby). The mother was known to have complications and told that she had to deliver at the hospital but she ignored it anyway. A third patient said she would not be delivering with the OB at the hospital but had complications at the last minute and ended up with a c-section in the ER to save her and baby. Anyway, I know that plenty of women have babies at home without incident but there are also plenty who die or have major issues so why risk it? Modern medicine has drastically reduced maternal and fetal mortality due to monitoring and preventative care. I realize that many mamas on here will not agree with me but I will choose the informed professional route.

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newtocloth2 12-22-2012 09:35 AM

Re: Hospital vs. Home Birth...PLEASE HELP!!
My DH is not on board with homebirth, but only because we live 35 minutes from a hospital (we live in a rural area). The hospital I delivered my second at is 45 minutes away, and with this child the plan is to deliver at a birth center, which is just over an hour away. I'm not too worried about making it in time, as my last labor was 4.75 hours long.

I will say I really, really didn't want to deliver in a hospital again with this one, it wasn't awful or anything, and I like my doctor, I just hate hospital policies. If we have another child, we will probably end up at a hospital again, just because insurance doesn't cover birth centers or home births, and we can't really afford another birth center birth.

slingmama4 12-22-2012 09:42 AM

Re: Hospital vs. Home Birth...PLEASE HELP!!

Originally Posted by erin_c_odonnell (Post 16070163)
My hubby was very against homebirth too at first. I researched and kept telling him about it till he got used to the idea. We've had 3 hospital and 2 homebirthes and the homebirthes were a million times better IMO

Exactly this. I have to agree with my best friend above. Her husband was really against it...prolly because of me. Lol. :giggle2: My husband wasn't on board with the idea. He told me I was "spiraling down into a hippie world of wierdnes." Lol. He wasn't on board with homebirthing, no circing, extended bfing, etc... All of it took time and now he wouldnt do it any other way.
He felt very uncomfortable with home birth and unassisted birth, but I just continued to talk about it, leave articles and books in the bathroom ( only place for his undivided, and gently, but respectfully walked him through worries and just the whole process and what it would look like. After we had one under our belt those fears melted away. I realized later that most of his fears had to do with feeling he would be responsible if something went wrong. Calming those fears and letting him know his job was to take pictures helped alot.

We are planning our 7th birth, 4th home birth, and 2nd unassisted this june and he is now an advocate and wouldn't consider any other way.
Don't give up. Continue to talk and help him feel comfortable with what youare feeling drawn to. I hope he comes around and you get the birth you want.

If you interested on seeing pics/ info on my homebirths click on the link in my siggy and then go to August.

Andbabymakes2 12-22-2012 09:52 AM

^ this. But I do agree that you have to be sure you are a low risk mama. You need to do what's fight for everyone involved. A hb with a Squeamish partner is no better than a hospital birth IMHO. You need to know that he's 100% on board and can handle the pressure of the situation. Some guys just aren't good with that kind of thing. And that's ok. What you visualize a hb is going to be and what reality of it is can be totally different.

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KaleidoscopeEyes 12-22-2012 09:54 AM

Re: Hospital vs. Home Birth...PLEASE HELP!!
dh was born at home and his mom was born in the hospital elevator :giggle: so he was comfortable with homebirth but a little nervous about unassisted birth at first

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