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-   -   S/o what discipline works in YOUR family??? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1482454)

Hope4More 01-17-2013 08:27 AM

S/o what discipline works in YOUR family???
 
So... Because I'm a glutton for punishment (or recovering from the flu and therefore have lost all my faculties), I'm opening a sound off the spanking thread where we can share some 'consequences' we use in our homes that seem to work. As I be been reading through the spanking thread, I've thought a couple times "huh, never thought of that", so we'll see if we can get that thread locked too ;). Fwiw, I have read several books, and I find I don't subscribe to one train of thought. Love & logic is good in certain situations, time outs work for some, unconditional parenting some... I just need to fuel the 'consequence' tank. I have a 2 year old DS, but want to keep the thread for all ages so more people can benefit from it...

Soryr fro typos. Setn by iPhone.

my2sweets 01-17-2013 08:44 AM

For dd1(7) my list is long-
Time outs, scrubbing floors, running laps around the house(used only when so super antsy she cant/wont listen during school), writing sentences, spankings(rarely used but nessacary at times), taking electronics/sweets/toys away and then more natural consquences like if she doesnt put her dirty dishes in the sink I cant serve her the next meal/snack sense the space is taken-just one example but you get the gist

Dd2(5) is a much more easy going child-
Heart to hearts(can reason with her), time outs, taking electronics/sweets/toys away, natural consequences,and she has had to run laps around the house once.

mcpforever 01-17-2013 09:11 AM

Re: S/o what discipline works in YOUR family???
 
DS1 10.5 yo:
Structure and routine
Electronic usage dependent on behavior
Some sort of reward for doing chores-After you take out the trash you can play on your _____.
Acknowledgement of daily accomplishments (I'm talking noticing he's brushed his teeth in a timely manner)
Time in room to cool down
Giving choices
"logical consequences" ex-overspending on lunch account means he has to pack his own lunch in the mornings

DD 5.5 yo:
Sincere praise for following through with good behavior (not to be confused with "good job" praise)
The look of disapproval
Hugs and love
Talking it out
Acknowledgement of feelings

DS2 4.5 yo:
Acknowledgement of unhappiness and reason
Time in room to reset
Picking up and giving instructions nose to nose (doesn't work if I get down on his level, he has to be lifted up, but not held snuggle style)
Swift pat to the behind to dislodge stubborn streak
Limiting choices-too many overwhelms

I have learned that talking things out with my boys is counter productive. All they want to do is argue at that point and they become incapable of listening or acknowledging their poor behavior. It doesn't matter how far removed from the situation we get. They still want to tell me it wasn't their fault.

leyash 01-17-2013 09:26 AM

Re: S/o what discipline works in YOUR family???
 
For DS1:
Grounding (not leaving the house), taking away game privileges, reading (time will depend on offense), answering questions on previously read pages, writing sentences, cleaning.

For DS2:
Time-out (standing in the corner) or sitting in a room by himself, taking away game privileges, loss of television, cleaning, spanking (rarely), writing sentences.

for DS3:
Time-out, spanking, taking away game privileges, cleaning. He hardly gets punished, though.

Celeste 01-17-2013 09:30 AM

Re: S/o what discipline works in YOUR family???
 
Natural consequences (throw your food? Dinner is over.), "staking" ( as described in http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/ch07.php) - basically keeping the offending kid right by my side, instead of sending them to their room (where they could play) or time out, spanking as a last resort.

Kiliki 01-17-2013 09:32 AM

Re: S/o what discipline works in YOUR family???
 
My ODD is super duper stubborn and I feel like I am constantly struggling to get something that works with her. Spanking does not do much for her, in fact, it only makes her behavior more out of control. She needs to be reasoned with. But she is SO STUBBORN that there are times that no amount of reasoning will work. And that is when I am at a loss. She will also be completely defiant sometimes, which is really hard to deal with because 90% of the time, her defiance comes from pure motives, not from trying to misbehave - she disobeys because she really ACTUALLY thinks the parent telling her what to do is wrong, and her way is right. So that makes it hard for me. Probably b/c I am SO VERY MUCH the same. :headbang: I see my mirror image in her. Taking away toys does not work, taking away privileges doesn't work very well.... she has a chart that gets stickers for good behavior. Sometimes she cares about it, sometimes not. It's always a battle to think of creative ways to parent her....

My DS is sensitive. Spankings work for him. But we rarely, if ever have to spank him. He is so sensitive, that just scolding him typically gets a point across pretty well. Occasionally - very rarely, maybe once every 2-3 mos - he gets so worked up about something that only spanking will bring him back to reality and allow him to reason with us. But more often than not, just saying "Hey, don't do that b/c of XYZ." will get a, "Ok mom! Sorry!" response. He's by far our easiest child.

Our YDD is much like our ODD so far. I wish they'd have gotten my husband's mellow personality. :( She is not even 2 yet, so she is hardly ever spanked. We more often use "time outs" or distraction with her. She can't yet reason, but we do try to explain things in very simple terms ("No, that's HOT! OWIE!") for her. We know she will catch on eventually. We have swatted her bum through her cloth diaper once or twice b/c she didn't come when we were calling her, and clearly understood what we were asking of her. She gets 3 of 4 warnings not to touch things and then we lightly pop her hand if she goes for it again. That's the extent of her "discipline" at this age. Same as it was for all our kids. But we can already see that YDD is very independent, and she has a very hard time not having her way. She has meltdowns when she is told "no" and so we take her and put her on her bed in her room and leave and close the door until she calms down. I am hoping she mellows out a bit before she gets older. I worry it will be a rough go with her, like it is w/ODD.

we have come up with some interesting discipline methods before....

Once when the two older kids refused to go to sleep, we made them get up and exercise. LOL. They had to do jumping jacks, butterfly kicks, run around in circles, push ups, etc. It's amazing how quickly they were ready to go back to bed!

If they abuse a toy, I try to take it away, but I find this ineffective b/c we have enough toys that they just move on to another thing. And our house is small. Trying to find a place to store a toy is harder on ME than it is on them.

I once, when my DD refused to clean her room, and had HOURS to do it, took all the toys, bagged them up, and made her take them to the Goodwill donation truck (I drove her there, obviously, but she had to get out and hand it to the lady). I was SO irritated with her defiance that day. I wish I could say it worked. I threaten to take her toys and she just pitches a fit. She doesn't actually CARE about losing the toys. Which makes it hard.

Typically, positive reinforcement works really well for our two older kids. "Thank you so much! You are being SO HELPFUL!" really loudly so the other one can hear, will often get the one who is being a bit difficult to step it up a little. Each older kid has a "behavior chart" and when they do something exceptional (clean when not asked, don't whine when they typically would whine, share nicely, etc) we give them a sticker. When they fill up the chart, they get to go to the Dollar Tree and pick out a toy. I put numbers on the chart and cover each number with a sticker. So they can see how many they have, and how many left to earn. This will often help with their behavior, esp with my DS. My DD sometimes just doesn't care. If someone is especially naughty, I will take the entire chart away for a day or two. Sometimes I'll take a sticker or two off for bad behavior.... It works, but it is sometimes difficult to implement, esp with my ODD. Her thing is "I brushed my teeth, can I have a sticker?" .... "No, honey, you NEED to brush your teeth to stay healthy. But thank you for doing it!" .... and then a meltdown ensues.

Ugh typing this out makes me tired. LOL

leyash 01-17-2013 09:37 AM

Re: S/o what discipline works in YOUR family???
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiliki (Post 16170002)
If they abuse a toy, I try to take it away, but I find this ineffective b/c we have enough toys that they just move on to another thing. And our house is small. Trying to find a place to store a toy is harder on ME than it is on them.

We've done this before, and we only had to do it once. DS2 had a toy dart gun that he was shoving crayons in. I told him the first time, "Don't do that, you are going to break it because the crayons will get stuck, then you can't put the darts in it." A couple hours later, I caught him HIDING, doing it again. I took the gun from him, and told him I was going to give it to a kid that could appreciate it, and play with it correctly, instead of trying to break it. Called a close friend, had her come get it for her DS. About 2 weeks later, when DS had proven that he could take care of his toys, we got the gun back (her son is 13, he doesn't REALLY want it, lol), and we haven't had a problem since. :)

JennTheMomma 01-17-2013 09:37 AM

Ds1 getting to his level and talking, breaks from the activity, natural consequences, helping me clean.

Ds2 pretty much everything above but also redirection.

leyash 01-17-2013 09:41 AM

Re: S/o what discipline works in YOUR family???
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiliki (Post 16170002)
I once, when my DD refused to clean her room, and had HOURS to do it, took all the toys, bagged them up, and made her take them to the Goodwill donation truck (I drove her there, obviously, but she had to get out and hand it to the lady). I was SO irritated with her defiance that day. I wish I could say it worked. I threaten to take her toys and she just pitches a fit. She doesn't actually CARE about losing the toys. Which makes it hard.

Oh man!! My mom did this to me when I was younger (like, 10). She told me to clean my room. I didn't. She came back up an hour later (we used to clean alllllll day on Saturdays, we all had our own chores to do), and it still wasn't done. She came back and said, "Okay, this is it. If I come back up here again, and you haven't made substantial progress, I am taking everything that is on the floor, visible, and not in it's place, putting it in a black trashbag, and taken to the garbage."

I didn't believe her. I cleaned up MAYBE three things, and then was done. She came back up about 45 minutes later, trashbags in hand (she already knew, lol), and helped me put everything in trashbags (including some of my absolute FAVORITE clothes!) Then she made me carry them down and put them by the trash outside.

What I didn't know, is that she went out later and hid them in the garage. A little while later (probably a couple of weeks) after I had proven myself with my requested "chores" on Saturdays, she gave them back. She told me that if she ever had that problem again, she really WOULD get rid of them. I believed her after that. lol

This is actually where I got the idea of the way that I parent my kids (taking toys away, giving them to someone, etc.)

Hope4More 01-17-2013 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Celeste
Natural consequences (throw your food? Dinner is over.), "staking" ( as described in http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/ch07.php) - basically keeping the offending kid right by my side, instead of sending them to their room (where they could play) or time out, spanking as a last resort.

See, now I find myself doing the forehead smack- why didn't I think of this? Great idea I'm trying when I pick DS up from preschool...

Soryr fro typos. Setn by iPhone.


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