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-   -   Toddler prefers dad (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1482653)

AngelElle 01-17-2013 05:45 PM

Toddler prefers dad
 
My 18 month old son really, really prefers his dad over me. I know I should be glad they have a strong bond, but it absolutely breaks my heart. He cries and cries when it's just me and him and dad leaves. When he's hurt or scared, he wants his dad. I am a loving kind attentive mother, and feel like I'm the one doing very thing for my son- meals, reading books, changing diapers, playing with him. I just don't understand why I'm chopped liver? Anybody else go through this?

Michelle_M 01-17-2013 06:02 PM

Re: Toddler prefers dad
 
It's a phase. When they are babies, they are all about mommy. Then when they hit a certain point of "toddler-hood," they go through a Daddy Phase. I've been through it with all of my boys. My 3 yr old is ALL ABOUT the daddy when dad is home.

You're not a bad mom, and it's not that your toddler doesn't love you. He's just in a phase... it will even out when he gets a little older!

:hugs:

God bless!

omahamama731 01-17-2013 06:36 PM

Yep, right around 18 months for each of our 3 kids. They want DaDa and that's ok :) I know it is hard right now but each age and phase brings its own challenges. It'll be ok!

Computermama 01-17-2013 06:45 PM

Re: Toddler prefers dad
 
I'm going through the opposite. DD2 is in a mommy 24/7 phase. She tolerates daddy, but wants mommy if I'm in the room and isn't happy with daddy very much. She'll go to no one else but mommy or daddy, and really obviously prefers mommy. It's a phase, and they all go through phases like that. DD1 went through a phase where she was terrified of MIL and Aunt C. The only reason I could ever figure out was they both had kinda wild and crazy white hair going on. But she'd throw an epic fit, crying to the point of hyperventilation and I'd have to whisk her out of the room to calm her down, and then slowly reintroduce her. She eventually grew out of it. He'll be back to happily snuggling you soon mama.

AngelElle 01-17-2013 06:57 PM

That is good to hear. He kind of goes in and out of this. I'm preg and probably haven't been as much fun since daddy will wrestle and roughhouse with him constantly. I feel like he really spoils him- does whatever he asks, feeds him whatever he wants. I just don't believe in letting a toddler run the house. Tonight DH picked DS up from daycare and he wouldn't let me hug him or play with him at all. We finally got to just sitting together on the couch and DH came and picked him up. Drives me nuts he won't help me. I suppose maybe this is a blessing in disguise for when new baby comes. I also worry some of this stems from me having to exclusively pump for the first three months because he couldn't latch. DH always got to feed him because I was constantly cleaning pump parts or pumping. Also I had a c-section and couldn't hold him as much the first few days and DH never put him down. I feel bitter and cheated out of being a mommy.

Sarahknavy 01-17-2013 07:03 PM

I breastfed my son and he still loves his dad more than anything. We are a one car family and sometimes I have to pick my husband up from work. My son knows that he has to wear a jacket and shoes and get in the car to bring daddy home. So he walks around in a jacket and shoes all day saying car and bye and dada. Dr Sears actually said to expect toddlers to start to gravitate toward their fathers. It's nothing you are doing at all.

CaylaEP 01-17-2013 07:08 PM

Re: Toddler prefers dad
 
I feel you! DBF travels for work and is gone a lot. When he is home DS could care less about me even though I do EVERYTHING with and for him. DBF really babies him though, bc I think he feels guilty about being gone a lot, where as we have a routine and rules bc if not I would go mad. DS will even tell me he "isn't tAlking to me right now" when DBF is home. He is 2.5 and I know it's bc he misses him so much and they play differently then I do but it still stinks. His attitude is like night and day toward me depending on if DBF is home. He won't let me do ANYTHING for him, get him dressed, get him food, put him for a nap, snuggle, etc when DBF is around. Sometimes he even says grumpy mean things to me. DBF is really good about telling him that he can love us both equally and that he needs to treat me nicely no matter who is home. I can't wait for this stage to end!

EmilytheStrange 01-17-2013 07:16 PM

Hehe, yes. I'm a SAHM and my day centers around DD all day long.

DH is the favorite. It hurts my feelings, but I know it's normal. He's novel and rare. He doesn't have to discipline much, he gets to be fun in his 2 hrs a day he sees her.

Normally, they say the child rejects the person they worry least about losing their love. Testing boundaries of love, etc. so, in a way, it's a compliment to know that she knows I will love her anyways.

lovewool 01-17-2013 07:22 PM

Re: Toddler prefers dad
 
My toddler LOVES daddy so much and generally prefers dad to read the book if he is around or dad to comfort him when he's crying, etc... But there are times when he still prefers me and that's nice too. It is really special to me that they have such a bond though, because my partner has a child from a previous relationship and his ex is extremely jealous and controlling of the relationship he has with their child (it's called parental alienation, when one parent purposely turns a child against their other parent after splitting up). She has spent so much energy lying and trying to destroy their relationship over the years, getting angry if their son talks about his dad, calls his dad, eavesdrops on their phone calls, etc.. He is such a great father and it has been extremely painful to watch what has been done to him and his son over the years. Unfortunately there isn't much of relationship left with that child, it is hanging by a thread at this point. Their son is now 13 and I have watched the father/son relationship deteriorate slowly and gradually over the past 6 years as she lies and uses her child as a pawn to take away to get back at my partner.

So I am really thankful that he is able to have such a loving relationship with our son. He is a father before anything else. I'm sure I wouldn't look at it this way if I hadn't lived in these circumstances, but really I am so happy to see them having such a great time together. And I make sure to tell our toddler he has such a nice dad, too.

And I agree with other posters that the dad is the more fun one. They aren't the ones making sure kids have their naps and eat their meals and doing most of the discipline since they are gone more.

AngelElle 01-17-2013 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaylaEP
I feel you! DBF travels for work and is gone a lot. When he is home DS could care less about me even though I do EVERYTHING with and for him. DBF really babies him though, bc I think he feels guilty about being gone a lot, where as we have a routine and rules bc if not I would go mad. DS will even tell me he "isn't tAlking to me right now" when DBF is home. He is 2.5 and I know it's bc he misses him so much and they play differently then I do but it still stinks. His attitude is like night and day toward me depending on if DBF is home. He won't let me do ANYTHING for him, get him dressed, get him food, put him for a nap, snuggle, etc when DBF is around. Sometimes he even says grumpy mean things to me. DBF is really good about telling him that he can love us both equally and that he needs to treat me nicely no matter who is home. I can't wait for this stage to end!

Yes! That is mine too. We get along great when its just the two of us but then it's like I turn invisible when DH is home.


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