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-   -   Would you give up? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1483069)

FerventlyDreaming 01-18-2013 08:44 PM

Would you give up?
 
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Tonight's incident:
We were in the process of driving home at approximately 7:00pm. I was having a nice conversation with X-Man about going home and seeing Ron. He said can we play for a while. I said "we will see" At no point during the proceeding time did X-Man ever act in an angry manner or seem upset. Nothing happened to my knowledge to upset him.

While in route Grant began to cry and scream. X-Man stated that Little-Man was pinching Grant. (This happens often in the car and X-Man always says its Little-Man. To this point I believed that to be true.) I kept saying "its okay Grant, Little-Man No pinch we do nice touch" Things seemed to calm down. At this point I took a phone call with my mom. I told her Little-Man was pinching Grant and I didn't know how to make him stop. She suggested gloves. At this point Grant begins to scream again much louder he is crying saying "MOMMY MOMMY" I said "what is going on?" X-Man stated the Little-Man was pinching Grant again. I told my mom I had to go and I again stated "Its okay Grant, Little-man No Pinch, We do Nice touch" I also stated "Grant we will stop at the gas station and I will get Little-Man to stop." As we got closer to the station Grant became more and more distraught and upset screaming louder and louder for me. I got out and rushed around the truck to stop Little-Man but he was fast asleep. Little-Man was sleeping the entire time. I went over to X-Man side of the truck and asked "Did you pinch Grant" and before he could answer I told him "If you lie you will be in more trouble" He immediately shook his head yes. I told him "I am so mad at you right now. When we get home you are going straight to bed" I also told him "Does Grant ever pinch you or hurt you?" He shook his head no. I said "than why did you do that to him" at this point he would not answer and I shut the door and drove home. When we got home I put him straight to bed.

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I also realized that Little-Man face looks much like Grants. (We thought the marks were from dry skin on his face) I have suspicion that X-Man pinched him too but I have not asked X-Man. This morning X-Man woke up first and shortly after Little-Man woke up crying. It is my suspicion that X-Man may have done the same thing to Little-Man this morning to make him get up as Little-Man is usually unwilling to get up at 6-7am the way X-Man does.
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The most disturbing thing about X-Mans behavior is he shows NO signs of remorse. He dose not show any signs of caring about anyone elses feelings in any way that I can tell. .......:cry:

luvsviola 01-18-2013 11:49 PM

My son does this. He is in therapy with a RAD diagnosis plus ODD. Definitely get him on with a psychologist. My experience with masters level therapists has not been nearly as good as PhD level psychologists. You are going to need some help to deal with this mama, but it does get better. Our son is a scratcher, and he makes the girls bleed. We also had to move his seat in the car away from everyone. He can't ride 3 across in DHs car. We have to trade cars so he can be in my van. Once it was so bad that DH had to zip tie his wrists together to keep DD safe from him. That was the last time he rode next to any other kid in a car.

FerventlyDreaming 01-19-2013 07:25 AM

Re: Would you give up?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by luvsviola (Post 16177883)
My son does this. He is in therapy with a RAD diagnosis plus ODD. Definitely get him on with a psychologist. My experience with masters level therapists has not been nearly as good as PhD level psychologists. You are going to need some help to deal with this mama, but it does get better. Our son is a scratcher, and he makes the girls bleed. We also had to move his seat in the car away from everyone. He can't ride 3 across in DHs car. We have to trade cars so he can be in my van. Once it was so bad that DH had to zip tie his wrists together to keep DD safe from him. That was the last time he rode next to any other kid in a car.

I just don't know that we have it in us to keep going. It is not like there is a long term relationship here we just took this child in a little over a week ago. You can yell at him, put him in time out, make him go to his room and that is pretty much it. None of those things get through to him. He never shows any emotion about the things he has done. He never cares that we are mad. He just stares at me blankly no matter what the punishment or what I say.

I am crying as I write this because I just feel like I have been an epic failure. I don't really think we are going to continue the relationship. DH has had it and I am completely at a loss. I just can't let my child be the victim ..... :cry:

sunnymommy 01-19-2013 01:35 PM

Re: Would you give up?
 
I would suggest you have a really good discussion with the social worker about the situation. It doesn't sound like your child is the only victim. If he is also hurting his brother than all of the adults involved in the case need to know in order to determine the best steps to take for each child. If the social worker is not interested in hearing your input than move on to the guardian ad litem and anyone else involved. Perhaps they need to be separated...

FerventlyDreaming 01-19-2013 01:54 PM

Re: Would you give up?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by sunnymommy (Post 16179433)
I would suggest you have a really good discussion with the social worker about the situation. It doesn't sound like your child is the only victim. If he is also hurting his brother than all of the adults involved in the case need to know in order to determine the best steps to take for each child. If the social worker is not interested in hearing your input than move on to the guardian ad litem and anyone else involved. Perhaps they need to be separated...

My husband asked him today and he freely admitted that he scratched Little-Man in the face when he was sleeping.:cry: This whole thing breaks my heart for everyone. Although this child can infuriate me like no other he is like this for a reason.

Today he has slapped both little kids and my DS was sitting on a bench/toybox. (It has a padded lid for sitting) X-Man Pulled the lid out from under DS making him fall and hurt his leg. I watched the whole thing happen! He no longer even cares if I am in the room.

It has gone from 0 to 10 in a hurry.

This child is so handsome and seems so charismatic when you meet him. I think it is going to be hard for the social worker to believe that he has done all of these things.

I just wish it was Tuesday so I could have this very difficult conversation over with.

silvaheyes 01-19-2013 02:33 PM

Re: Would you give up?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mmbreb (Post 16179495)
Today he has slapped both little kids and my DS was sitting on a bench/toybox. (It has a padded lid for sitting) X-Man Pulled the lid out from under DS making him fall and hurt his leg. I watched the whole thing happen! He no longer even cares if I am in the room.

It has gone from 0 to 10 in a hurry.

This child is so handsome and seems so charismatic when you meet him. I think it is going to be hard for the social worker to believe that he has done all of these things.

Take videos.. It's hard to ignore or be in denial if the proof is right there in front of them. It's no longer a he said she said deal if you have actual proof he is doing these things and behaving this way.

Videos/documentation helped a lot for us. People couldn't sit back and say they didn't believe us if they could watch the many clips we took of everything.

newmommy13 01-19-2013 02:38 PM

Re: Would you give up?
 
I don't think it will be hard at all for her to believe. I think is is probably pretty common, especially in that time frame, from what i have read. it is so heartbreaking. :(

Mama2ManyBoyz 01-19-2013 02:41 PM

Re: Would you give up?
 
I would be open about what is going on. If you can't keep the children safe, particularly while driving, then don't guilt yourself into continuing. The worker may decide to split the children if he is harmful to his brother.

Mama2ManyBoyz 01-19-2013 02:45 PM

Re: Would you give up?
 
I had to have a placement moved once. It was something I always feared, but I knew immediately it wasn't going to work and therefore had no regrets. I knew within the first hour. She tore apart my house. She would grab me by the shirt when I walked by. Screamed hysterically when you put her to bed. I knew I was in over my head. I called immediately to have her moved and in the time it took to get her picked up, she began hurting my other children and animals. Now if I didn't have other kids, I would stick it out, but you have to protect everyone involved.

WynneBabies 01-20-2013 07:32 AM

Re: Would you give up?
 
This is why the general recommendation is to not take kids older than your youngest. These behaviors are not at all unusual for foster children and really not even extreme. Nothing compared to the stories we hear in our training. I know someone who has a bio son who does the same thing to his little sister (even same car scenario). Yes, the boy has issues, but just know this is not that unusual of behavior. In your circumstance, you do have your own son to protect, but just know the agency probably won't be very pleased to move him "just" for that and depending on the need of your agency, may prevent you from getting other placements. JMO, of course. I hope you can get it resolved one way or another.


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