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-   -   Step-parent Adoption (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1485103)

WVflipflopmama 01-24-2013 07:57 PM

Step-parent Adoption
 
I was just wondering if anyone here has experience with step-parent adoption? I have 2 children ages 7 and 9 from a previous marriage. My husband would like to adopt them. Their bio-dad currently meets all the qualifications for a legal termination of his rights (without his consent) due to abandonment laws in our state.

I guess right now I'm just sort of afraid to take the first step. My children have asked us since DH and I got married if they could change their name. They love my husband and honestly, he's been the best dad to them. Their bio dad has always been inconsistent in their lives. I would never totally exclude him if he asked to see them or if the kids wanted contact, but he chooses to avoid them. He only lives 20 miles from us, and there is really no excuse except that he just doesn't want to be a parent. I just want better for them, and I need to know that if something happened to me, they would be taken care of.

august6 01-24-2013 08:21 PM

Re: Step-parent Adoption
 
I'm in the same boat. Haven't seen my ex since I got pregnant and have been with my, now, husband since I found out I was pregnant. My son's 3 now and we're getting ready to start the adoption process next month! If you feel in your heart that it's right and the kids and your hubby are okay with it, DO IT.

I couldn't have asked for a better father for my son and now that we are expecting one of our own, I can't think of a better reason to get the adoption going. I want the kids to have the same last name and I don't want them to have to question anything. I know that if something happends to me, my husband will take care of my son -no question. But, we both agreed to get a will at the same time as the adoption so if something does happen, he gets the kids, and if something happens to the both of us, his mom gets both of them. Good luck!

cmarsh31 01-26-2013 06:47 PM

Re: Step-parent Adoption
 
My youngest brother was adopted by my dad - so technically a step-parent adoption. His bio was out of the picture almost as soon as conception occurred - essentially the same as PP. The actual adoption took forever (literally years - the judge died in the middle, they had to re-do the home visit, equally hysterical since at that age he had no clue that "Dad" wasn't legally or biologically his dad). All said and done now, about 8 years ago (he's 16 now). I'm still not 100% sure what he knows - at 8, when my DS was born, we were discussing names and he made the comment that at least he [my DS] didn't have to wait for the adoption to be finalized to get the right last name, but that's literally the only time it's been mentioned.

It was really the only choice for our family - he has the same name as my dad, stepmom, and other brother (my full bio brother), and my maiden name. Most people forget that he's not my bio-half brother, even my closest friends. Oh, and I'm his legal guardian if anything ever happened to our dad & his mom - that was another important piece of the adoption & subsequent will re-writing.

abunchoflemons 03-17-2013 05:51 AM

I'm in same boat with twists. 8 yr old no contact with ex & little support or help of any kind as I was in first part of college. Hubby now been in life since age 2. Ex had another kid & left that gal so I hear. I have now 2 kids with hubby, patenity with lots of things in for safety of me & daughter from ex long &7 too personal to post for me from/ about ex. My mom & I have basically done everything for daughter. Ex parents nothing. My hubby provider currently & kid care is me. I love my kids dearly. My fil I know is very protective of kids & grandkids as well as my mom & brother (nieces & nephew).

We just don't have funds for the adoption & all the twists like in paternity that we ran into if it were to happen again. It would have been cheaper if it went smoothly.....

Kristi26 03-22-2013 11:45 AM

Re: Step-parent Adoption
 
My DH and I went through a step parent adoption for my oldest son when he was 2.5 years old. His bio dad was young (as was I) and into some bad things and was willing to sign away his rights. We haven't seen him since my little guy was about 2. After he signed the papers, he sorta vanished. I think it's sad for the bio dad that he doesn't get to know his awesome kid, but I'm glad my DH gets the chance to be his dad now...if that makes sense. DH adores him and the feeling is definitely mutual. :)

happysmileylady 03-22-2013 11:55 AM

Re: Step-parent Adoption
 
We just did it a couple of years ago. It turned out to be SO SO SO much easier than I anticipated. In our case, the bio dad voluntarily gave up his rights, so we didn't have to pursue TPR. That made it easier. My brother did it for his oldest also, and they did have to pursue TPR because they couldn't find the bio dad to get consent.

The laws are going to vary by state in terms of what is required. We didn't have to do a home study.

The best piece of advice I received when gathering information was to call the clerk of the courts in our county. They were a HUGE blessing and help. We did ours with no lawyer. We wrote up the petition ourselves. I contacted the bio dad, asked him to write a letter of consent, that stated that he was aware that he was relinquishing his rights. He gave us a bit of a problem, only in that he wanted to send the letter directly to the court (I have NO idea why he wanted that, it's not like I didn't get a copy of it in all the finalization paperwork.) But once that was all received, I wrote up the petition myself, using the example of my brother's petition from the year before. All together, it cost us just over $200. Of that $135 was court costs, the other $70 was to reissue the BC. Going to court, it took longer to wait for them to call our case than it did to actually do it.

Jomama2005 11-11-2013 10:50 PM

I know this is an old thread but we are in the middle of this right now! I have an 8 y/o I had at 17 and her father has been out of the pic since before she was born. He popped in and out the first 6mo of her life but that's in. My husband and I applied for step parent adoption TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO and the final hearing is being held this FRIDAY! I'm still in shock but so happy :-)

FerventlyDreaming 11-12-2013 05:26 PM

Re: Step-parent Adoption
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jomama2005 (Post 17051825)
I know this is an old thread but we are in the middle of this right now! I have an 8 y/o I had at 17 and her father has been out of the pic since before she was born. He popped in and out the first 6mo of her life but that's in. My husband and I applied for step parent adoption TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO and the final hearing is being held this FRIDAY! I'm still in shock but so happy :-)

Congratulations!!! That must be very exciting!

abunchoflemons 11-12-2013 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jomama2005 (Post 17051825)
I know this is an old thread but we are in the middle of this right now! I have an 8 y/o I had at 17 and her father has been out of the pic since before she was born. He popped in and out the first 6mo of her life but that's in. My husband and I applied for step parent adoption TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO and the final hearing is being held this FRIDAY! I'm still in shock but so happy :-)

so happy for you. we I think will be starting soon


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