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aemarques 02-13-2013 11:24 PM

DH drinks all the time. He works four nights on and four off and usually drinks atleast 3. Its not just one or two beers, its atleast 5 vodka drinks Plus sometimes shots and beer. He's a bigger guy so I'd say he gets drunk and occasionally completely **** face wasted. He's not drinking alone, we live in a couldasack and our neighbors like to drink as well. **at night from around 7pm to 2am, not during the day**

This behavior is not normal for me I did not grow up around it and I don't want my daughter growing up around it either. DH did. drinking and "having fun and living life" as he calls it was normal and typical in his house. Although I'm sure not 4 days a week. This is like college drinking.

I brought it up tonight as we are moving and I want to move out of the culdasack to reduce the drinking. And it made me wonder if this is or ever was the norm in your household either now or growing up?

I do not want our daughter around her daddy when he smells of boos and is acting stupid drunk. I don't want this to be her normal. She is 5 months now.

ktmelody 02-13-2013 11:27 PM

:(. No it is not normal for me. We don't drink, and my parents never drank while raising us.

I wouldn't stay married to a man that drank 3-4 nights a week, drunk or not. (If he didn't get help)

I would suggest looking into AA or alanon for yourself.

SewGreenBaby 02-13-2013 11:33 PM

I grew up with an abusive alcoholic step father and it sucked. Dh drinks 2-3 times a month and before I got pg I'd get drunk with him about once a month. I'm perfectly ok with drinking in moderation and responsibly. 4 nights a week is a lot, IMO. I would ask him to cut back to once a week. Dh drank a lot before we had ds and sometimes got ****faced. I hated it because I always had to take care of him. Once ds came along the binge drinking and crazy nights stopped, luckily. It sounds like your dh handles liquor well and his behavior isn't a problem, just the frequency of drinking. I'd try to point out the drinking can gradually increase into a problem before the drinker knows it and you don't want it to affect it your family.

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kaydove 02-13-2013 11:34 PM

The fact that he gets drunk and is drinking shots, is what's worrying. My DH will have a beer or two several nights a week, but so will I, with dinner. We don't get drunk or even tipsy. Drinking to get drunk, hence the shots, is juvenile and not okay with a baby in the house. I don't have a problem with drinking but I do with getting drunk. If he wants a beer after work, fine, but no vodka shots.

Frame it like this: what if something happens to me and we need to take me to the hospital, who drives if you're drunk? Who watches the baby?

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Hillargh 02-13-2013 11:37 PM

A glass of wine at dinner every night is one thing, being drunk half the week isn't. Ever. Not normal at all. Just because someone isn't a violent or abusive drunk doesn't mean they aren't a drunk. I've known some very pleasant, happy drunks. But they're still alcoholics. What is his stance? Does he defend it? Get angry?

Even more than it being your child's norm, I would worry about his abilities regarding a little baby while inebriated. There are so many what if's (what if he goes to pick her up and drops her, what if he can't help in an emergency, what if there's an accident, etc) and that in conjunction with the lifestyle is worthy of a sit down followed by a game plan.

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aemarques 02-13-2013 11:46 PM

He does get angry and defend it and walk away or change the topic. He is not always a happy drunk and he knows if that side ever shows again we are gone.

I know it's a problem but its hard when 4 of our neighbors are drinking with him. He tends to be the instigator along with 1 other neighbor.

I want it to stop but I don't see that happening where we are.

aemarques 02-13-2013 11:49 PM

When I was pregnant we talked about it once and I dared never bring it up again. He its not having a good time unless he is drinking and it's his wayof relaxing and letting loose cause Ge works so hard he says.

And how dare I deny him that... :banghead:

Now I don't usually care because I enjoy my time with DD :wub:

SewGreenBaby 02-13-2013 11:50 PM

While i would love to say that a grown man should be able to behave regardless of what's going on around him, its not always true. It could very possibly help to move. My dh is the type that is very influenced by those around him. His behavior changed when we moved away from his partying friends.

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SewGreenBaby 02-13-2013 11:52 PM


Originally Posted by aemarques
When I was pregnant we talked about it once and I dared never bring it up again.

This doesn't sound good. While many dh are dense and don't like to listen, you should be able to voice your concerns without worrying about his reaction. He should be capable of having an adult conversation about it. :(

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aemarques 02-13-2013 11:57 PM

He can't. He gets angry, walks away, ignores me, silent treatment, leaves.

Just makes me feel HORRIBLE for it

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