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sashaz122 02-19-2013 04:53 PM

When I pick up our daughter (26 months) from daycare she doesn't really want to go home as she's having fun. So she starts a tantrum right away. I say lets change your shoes (it's cold here) and she's already screaming as she loves her daycare shoes. So I wait then give up and start taking them off. SCREAM!!! Everyone's looking by now. Then comes the jacket. While she is violently screaming and trying to take her boots off often successfully and rolling on the floor I'm trying to put the jacket on. Fail. Eventually we get ready but I often give up on the shoes because she just keeps taking all shoes off. And putting her daycare shoes on. Then scream don't want hat. Finally I grab her across the torso like a log and walk out lock her into a car seat while screaming and drive 700m (2,000 feet) home then undress at home all the while she's screaming like mad now because her nose is clogged. Then we don't want to wash hands. SCREAM! All in all it's about 20mins of a tantrum a few times a week. I am at my wits end :( help!!!!

mibarra 02-19-2013 06:18 PM

I would start giving her a choice "You change your shoes or mommy will do it", same with coat and going to car . That works well after about a week they figure out they can be the big kid and do it or you'll do it anyway and they won't have any control.

AniMommy 02-19-2013 06:19 PM

Pick your battles about the clothes and shoes. When my LO doesn't want to leave, I say ok well I'm going now and walk towards the door. She will almost always follow me imm.

stevensmom 02-19-2013 06:23 PM

Re: Toddler Tantrums - need help :(
sounds like you need to start some love and logic.

also maybe a warning that it's time to go home...instead of just swooping in and changing shoes in the middle of play.

Give her choices, like pp said. "hey sweetie would you like to put your shoes on or do you want mommy?" "do you want the left one on first or the right?" Would you like to wear your coat with the zipper in front or with the zipper in the back? Should we put the left arm in first or the right?

it may be really hard at first but once she gets the hang of this is time to go home and "I get to make the decisions" then it will go smoothly.

DD loves to pick how she puts her stuff on.

EmilytheStrange 02-19-2013 07:50 PM

Re: Toddler Tantrums - need help :(
good solutions. It might work to explain - you have 5 more minutes to play.. and then 4, 3, 2, 1.. and then choices on who will take off the shoes, etc.

Brooke789 02-19-2013 08:16 PM

Re: Toddler Tantrums - need help :(
Im with the other person who said this is a "pick your battles" issue. Me personally I'd never try to get shoes off my DD because something like that would totally set her off.

In my case we're having a problem getting dressed in the morning. She doesn't want to wear anything and has flat out refused to wear socks for the last few weeks.

doodah 02-19-2013 09:06 PM

Re: Toddler Tantrums - need help :(
what the daycares policy about pickup? can they help you out and just have her ready to go until you can get pickups smoothed out?

if they cant, or you dont pickup at the same time (so they dont know when to expect you), I would just throw the shoes and jacket in the bag and carry her out as is. If its rainy or terribly freezing, throw a blanket over her.

For everyone elses sake, just get her picked up quickly. nobody else needs the chaos of hearing a kid screaming and mom struggling with them every day. but please dont feel that that is me saying you are doing something wrong. i do daycare in my home. its very common for toddlers to have meltdowns during transitions. i have the kids completely ready and do pickups at the door for that reason but i know that is not realistic for every daycare setup

sashaz122 02-20-2013 06:46 AM

Thanks everyone I do try to give choice but perhaps not enough. And I have a feeling both me and my husband do rush too much with her because he needs to get to work and we should be going home etc etc. I was doing the drop off this morning and talked her through everything and it worked well. Doing the pick up tomorrow so will give you and update. Thanks again!

mlgurney 02-20-2013 01:44 PM

Re: Toddler Tantrums - need help :(
Does she go to a center or a family daycare?

MsGiggles 02-20-2013 02:01 PM

Re: Toddler Tantrums - need help :(
I haven't experienced this with my own DD yet, but my gut would be that if she can't behave when it's time to leave there, then we won't go there. So, saying she is big enough to be able to attend, but that comes with the responsibility of being gentle when going (I would help with shoes, etc if she is not tantruming). Follow it up with reminders at drop off. Greeting her with a hug & a reminder that we're going to be a big girl so we can come back. And if the tantrum starts, I'd say, OK we can't come back next time and I'd scoop her up & out to the car like doodah suggested - probably telling the teachers as I went that DD won't be back next class because she couldn't behave.

I might even show up at the start of the next one, but not let her get out. "Oh! I just remembered. You threw a tantrum last time, I guess we can't go." This type of thing usually nips things in the butt quickly for my DD.

....but I was thinking this was like preschool, and with daycare I'm guessing you don't have many options to try that. Unless you set it up on Friday then pretended Saturday was a normal daycare day and didn't take her then?

Alternatively, is there a time-out space you could put her in as soon as she tantrums - then you could go chat with other parents/kids and enjoy a couple minutes of conversation while your daughter calms down? Something where she isn't getting her way and isn't getting attention either?

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