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danielle 03-05-2013 11:20 AM

My 4 yo excluded from a party
My daughter was not invited to Emma's party and she knows it. I hear Emma's name quite a bit and my daughter has thought of her as a favorite friend. I'm not sure what things to say to be helpful. I've told her we cannot go to Emma's house without an invitation and that it hurts when our friends don't do what we'd like them to. I suspect this has something to do with me not being in the mom clique. Not excluded, but not included.

In her grief she asked if we had the ingredients to make our own cake. I don't often make cakes "just because" but I could easily whip up a carrot cake or something.

What other advice would you give her? Would you make the cake? I hurt for my little girl's hurt. :cry:

Fashionably Green Baby 03-05-2013 11:29 AM

That is sad :(
I never really know what to say. DS was disappointed that one of the little girls from his class didn't come to his party because she lives like 4 doors down (town houses) and I didn't even know what to say to that.
I would make a cake though if you want, it would be fun

Puppydog 03-05-2013 11:29 AM

Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party
That's very sad. I'm sorry. I have no advice though. :(

3lilbubs 03-05-2013 11:33 AM

Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party
:( Aw, I'd tell her that most of the times the mommies make the guest list and maybe she didn't know or Emma didn't tell her that she was a friend. Do something special for her that day. Be ready for the conversation that may take place after she sees Emma again. No doubt she is going to question her why she wasn't invited. If Emma's reaction is unkind she's going to be very hurt. Good time to discuss making new friends and what makes someone a good friend.

Nerissa 03-05-2013 11:35 AM

Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party
I would make the cake with her and explain the best you can that sometimes friends can't invite everyone. Could you have Emma over for a play date?

Just cause I am curious were other kids invited and not just her?

escapethevillage 03-05-2013 11:40 AM

Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party
I would make a cake! Maybe, if you think it would help, invite the other girl over too. Perhaps the Mother only allowed four girls, or only however many could fit in her car.

When it comes time for her party, point out that you can't invite everyone, because of space/money or whatever. Maybe she will remember this experience and be able to understand.

chandni3 03-05-2013 11:53 AM

Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party
I'd make it a special day with her. It's sad and hurts but it's something that happens in life and teaching her to handle disappointment gracefully will help her in life. I remember there was one girl in my class in primary school that I invited to my birthday every year and she never invited me to hers though she invited everyone else. She wasn't mean either. I don't know why I was never invited. Explain how sometimes parents only let a few friends come to a party. Maybe she could make a card or craft for her friend. And make the cake with her, maybe have a little tea party.
For fun you can read the Robert Munsch book, "Moyra's Birthday" if you can get Robert Munsch books in the states. It's a funny story about a girl who is only allowed to invite 4 kids to her party but invites grade 1, grade 2, grade 3, grade 4, grade 5, grade 6 and kindergarten :)

danielle 03-05-2013 12:41 PM

Thanks ladies. I have a chocolate carrot cake in the oven now. I strung bunting up in the dining area. It's gonna be a Just Because party. :)

sojomisa 03-05-2013 12:52 PM

Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party
Aw, poor little one. I agree with what the others have said just explain that there are many reasons why she may not have been invited. I would explain that Emma is still her friend and maybe they can get together soon for a playdate. I would definitely bake a cake! That would be fun.

I do wonder if the mom created the guest list and just invited her playgroup? Do you think her mom would bring her over to play on day?

danielle 03-05-2013 01:15 PM

Tbh, I haven't been super involved with my daughter's school or made playdate overtures. We got squeezed in to this class/school in October while we were in the midst of a household move and getting ready for sale. Her current school is in the very outskirts of our district and judging from student addresses, none of these kids will be attending Kindergarten with Gigi. She's the only student who resides in our town.

So mentally I kind of chalked this year up as a blip in the picture. But a playdate would be nice. Good idea.

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