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-   -   Mom admits she regrets having children. (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1505983)

vatblack 04-04-2013 06:05 PM

Mom admits she regrets having children.
 
First of all mods, if you want to move this to news and current events please do, but I think it falls under the topic of parenting.

Secondly, this is the Daily Mail, so sensation is their game. Take the article with a pinch of salt.

I find it interesting and believe that mothers can feel this way. However, I wonder if her views on what makes a good mother, might not be a BIG part of her resentment.

Lastly, please keep the mommy wars out of this. This is not about what kind of mother is the best kind, it is more a question of whether motherhood is truly instinctive for all mothers. And, can we (society) possibly make room in our thinking to accept women who don't want to be mothers and understand that their point of view?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...gret-life.html

Angel89411 04-04-2013 06:14 PM

I guess I see nothing wrong here. I didn't get all the way to the end but read a lot. Not everyone has a maternal instinct. It's like that among many species. Heck, I have a bond with my children and love them fiercely and I miss my me time. Most of us do. The freedom and independence. I wouldn't trade my boys for anything but it doesn't mean I don't miss it sometimes. And she did say she grew to love them and did her best for them. That's what motherhood is to some.

ktmelody 04-04-2013 06:19 PM

Im quite sure this thread will go over like a fart in church....anyways.

I hate kids. Other peoples kids. I loooove my kids dearly and would die for them. I have 7 kids and there isnt a day I wished I never had them. But I do not like children at all. :giggle:

She truly sounds like a case of undiagnosed depression though. I get not liking kids. Or not ever having any. But her lack of infant bonding makes me think of depression.

jbug_4 04-04-2013 06:20 PM

Re: Mom admits she regrets having children.
 
I do very much believe that some woman don't have mother instincts. And I also think that is perfectly fine. Dh has a very good friend who has never wanted kids and never will have them. She was lucky enough to find a man who felt the same. her dh got a vasectomy several years ago. Funny thing is though they have agreed to be our kids guardians. I don't think they would have if they were still infants. she likes our kids, she likes her own nieces and nephews. She just doesn't have any desire to me a mother. Sounds like an odd choice as a guardian I know, but we know she will love our kids more then anyone else we have to choose from. And she will expose them to the world.

Anyway she likes her life as it is and is the first to say she has no motherly instincts at all.

My only issue with this woman is that she knew she didn't want to be a mother but had 2 kids anyway. I don't think that is fair to anyone. I am almost positive my grandmother felt the same. She only had kids because it was what she was suppose to do and her kids suffered. I can't imagine coming out publicly like this is good for her kids- no matter how old they are. i think her confession really does show that she never wanted kids. not in her actual words but in the fact that she confesses and doesn't know or care how this could hurt her children.

And I don't think society as a whole will ever be ok with women not wanting children. Especially with religions that believe sex is only for procreation and preventing conception as a sin.

jbug_4 04-04-2013 06:22 PM

Re: Mom admits she regrets having children.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by ktmelody (Post 16467247)
Im quite sure this thread will go over like a fart in church....anyways.

I hate kids. Other peoples kids. I loooove my kids dearly and would die for them. I have 7 kids and there isnt a day I wished I never had them. But I do not like children at all. :giggle:

She truly sounds like a case of undiagnosed depression though. I get not liking kids. Or not ever having any. But her lack of infant bonding makes me think of depression.

I thought this too at first. But the fact that it has been this long and she has come out with something like this that could really hurt her children kind says to me that she really doesn't get being a mother. nothing wrong with that, just wish she would have stuck to her guns before having kids.

PurpleFluff 04-04-2013 06:22 PM

I just feel sad. Sad for her that she could not find joy in motherhood, and that she seems to feel cheated out of her personal life. Sad for her son, who now knows that his mother feels that his existence is the worst mistake of her life. No one should have to live with that.

Angel89411 04-04-2013 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ktmelody
Im quite sure this thread will go over like a fart in church....anyways.

I hate kids. Other peoples kids. I loooove my kids dearly and would die for them. I have 7 kids and there isnt a day I wished I never had them. But I do not like children at all. :giggle:

She truly sounds like a case of undiagnosed depression though. I get not liking kids. Or not ever having any. But her lack of infant bonding makes me think of depression.

Im with you on other people's kids. I liked them more until I had my own. Now just about every kid but mine is an annoying little turd. :blush:

eahcapemay 04-04-2013 06:23 PM

Re: Mom admits she regrets having children.
 
From what I've read, she's not the first or the last mother to feel that way. I do question the wisdom of sharing such feeling publicly. It has to hurt, even if her children are adults. Particularly because she has an adult child who is dependent on her for care. If your mother wasn't that crazy about taking care of you at 3 she's really got to be chaffing about taking care of you at 30.

On a related note- why do people always think women will change their minds about wanting kids? Some do I'm sure, but I've never actually met anyone who has. All the women I know who didn't want kids, still don't.

Jen's_4 04-04-2013 06:29 PM

Re: Mom admits she regrets having children.
 
Those poor children. :(

vatblack 04-04-2013 06:35 PM

Re: Mom admits she regrets having children.
 
I agree that she should have stuck to her guns and never have had a child.

I hope her children can see beyond the personal hurt. That is a lot to ask of anyone but at least this women cared for her children. Many women who feel this way abandon or kill their children because they cannot admit it aloud. The pressure not to "hurt" the kids could have worse consequences in my opinion.

I believe if more people can accept the concept then women will not have to make the "bad" decision to have children in the first place.


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