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-   -   boobs, beds, and babies (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1509504)

GreenHome Sewing 04-17-2013 08:19 PM

boobs, beds, and babies
 
Creative thoughts here please?

My 18 month old nurses nearly ALL night. She is not a gentle nurser at this point though, she digs and claws around for me, wakes up and whines/screeches, and rolls around everywhere until I pacify her with a boob. All night. It is seriously irritating at this point and neither of us are getting restful sleep.

Unfortunatly, the only way this child has learned to go to sleep is via nursing. I am a single mom of three, took the easy way, now it is biting my bum...
We have difficulty even with naps sometimes, she is a very light sleeper and has developed the super baby ability of Mom Motion Sensor. Slowly, I am getting more and more naps to go in the direction I want (a nursing to sleep session when she comes home from HeadStart that puts her in a deep enough sleep where I can get up from the couch.) Most afternoons we achieve this now, and some nights I can do the same, but she still does not sleep deep enough to transfer to the crib.

When my boyfriend stays on the weekend it is becoming much harder to cosleep with her, given her poor bed manners haha. And...for other reasons ;)

My boys were not able to nurse. I coslept with my second and right about the same age I found we no longer made good bed mates. He transitioned to the crib with ease, but he was also a regular deep sleeper.

Something needs to be eliminated! I suppose it cannot be baby, so is it the Mama's nighttime boobs or Mama's bed that needs to go first?
I will continue to nurse her during the day, and I support cosleeping, but this current situation is not working for us!

sierrarv 04-17-2013 10:07 PM

Firstly... Don't feel like nursing to sleep was taking the easy way out! CIO you leave baby and do nothing whereas nursing for sleep you give everything for baby's sleep needs!

DS1 co-slept, nursed to sleep and was a bad sleeper for a long time. At 18 months I was miscarrying and could not handle nursing him anymore so told him no when he tried nursing in bed. I felt bad but it took only a few nights of him asking before he caught on.

DS2 is a different story... He is 14 mnths now and sounds the exact same as your toddler. It has been like having a newborn for 14 mnths! I've just started pushing back when I allow him to nurse at night... He nurses to sleep still at about 730-8 but I haven't been letting him nurse again until 2am. He has been fussy and asking but I just cuddle him and he falls asleep soon enough and hopefully will start sleeping better.

So maybe try pushing back when you'll allow nursing at night? See if that makes a difference?

GreenHome Sewing 04-18-2013 08:27 AM

My trouble with her is the second she thinks she is being denied a boob, she goes into hysterics.
Loud, long wailing and glass shattering shrieks.
I don't feel we have a temper or emotional problem, because she is only this way regarding nursing and is very leveled out on any other matter.

lovewool 04-18-2013 12:00 PM

Re: boobs, beds, and babies
 
I started a new routine with my first around that same age, around 18 months. I couldn't handle the newborn waking habits for nursing all night anymore. I needed some "me" time at the end of the night as well. So I started working towards night weaning him. First step was to stop allowing him to nurse to sleep at night. Easiest way to do it was to build a new routine. I let him nurse until I knew he had a good amount, then told him "milkies are going to sleep, no more milkies, milkies go bye-bye." LOL. And then we started a new routine of laying on the pillow together and me singing to him until he fell asleep. Once he accepted that, I worked on the night time nursing. I would prepare him for what to expect before he fell asleep by saying milkies were going to sleep until it was light outside in the morning. When he woke to nurse and started crying, we would repeat the laying on the pillow and singing songs bit for a while - it was in a pain in the butt to wake up to sing to him for a few days but it didn't last long. We did that until I was just able to remind him that milkies were sleeping until it was light out when he would wake and then he would quickly fall back asleep. He eventually got it and started sleeping through the night. I never left him to CIO, the whole process took maybe 1.5-2 weeks. I wished I had done it sooner!!!

ETA: The younger/sooner something like this is done, the easier it will be! The more verbal they are it seems the harder it is to change a routine, I have learned!

myclanof6 04-18-2013 12:06 PM

Good advice from ^pp. Be prepared for crying at night and don't do it of you aren't committed.
Is there a way to put a PnP or another mattress next to yours so he can sleep there with you but not in bed with you?
I would start with the night feelings first. Wean it down to at bedtime and only once or not at all. Does she eat table food well during the day? Maybe if she gets more calories during the day it will help at night.

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum most likely while nursing :)

bigmamakelsey 04-18-2013 12:12 PM

Re: boobs, beds, and babies
 
I highly recommend the no cry sleep solution. A large part of it for nursers and/or cosleepers, is to break bad habits. If she is used to falling asleep at the breast, nurse her until she is ALMOST asleep, then latch off. She'll root, get back on, count to 10 - try again. And again. And again. Eventually, she'll get lazy and give up. The theory is, if she know she can't sleep with it in her mouth, she won't wake for it unless she is truly hungry. It's also a good idea to scoot away from their body once they are asleep so they know they can sleep without your arm under them or their body touching yours. Anyhow, the book is really helpful with night wakings for nursing.

Kiliki 04-18-2013 02:31 PM

Re: boobs, beds, and babies
 
Just another perspective:

I never really used CIO for any of mine. I have had varying degrees of nursers/sleepers. From great to awful, from super needy to very independent...

If I were in your shoes I would start trying to night wean. I'd do that in conjunction with moving LO to a new bed. At 18 mos old, night weaning and independent sleeping isn't beyond her abilities, but she will need your help to adjust to it.

Remember, that there is a difference between leaving your helpless infant child alone to cry for hours, and letting your 18 mo old throw a tantrum b/c they can't have what they want (boobs). Those are two very different things. Letting her pitch her fit while you just calmly hold her and talk to her is not going to make you a bad mom or make her screwed up. It will teach her boundaries and teach her that sometimes she can't have what she wants. (And believe me, I DO understand! My 24 mo old is JUST like this - with everything - crying hysterics anytime anyone says no about anything. It's definitely no fun.)

It's totally your choice to do whatever you are most comfortable with. Letting her continue to sleep with you and continue to night nurse won't hurt her, either. Eventually her sleep habits will get better. You haven't hurt her or done her any disservice by allowing her to nurse to sleep. That makes the most sense for a tired mama! Don't beat yourself up about it.

But if you are ready to change her habits and yours, don't feel bad about that, either. You have to do what works for you, for her, and for your situation.

Kiliki 04-18-2013 02:31 PM

Re: boobs, beds, and babies
 
dp

Casondra87 04-18-2013 07:56 PM

Re: boobs, beds, and babies
 
Try the No Cry Sleep Solution book. She has some AWESOME tips in there. I loved it. It helped me with nap time even though it mainly focuses on night time.

mcpforever 04-18-2013 09:19 PM

Re: boobs, beds, and babies
 
Dr Gordon's night weaning. :)


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