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-   -   Demanding baby and frustrated DH (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1515803)

Annedee 05-09-2013 05:09 PM

Demanding baby and frustrated DH
 
My DD is 6 mo and I have gotten burnt out on co-sleeping cuz she sleeps so restlessly and seems to nurse constantly just cuz I'm there. So I've moved her into her own room, and she sleeps on a twin bed (on the floor) so that I can still nurse her to sleep like she's used to. She demands a pacifier to stay asleep but she's too restless to keep it during her sleep, so she often loses it and wakes up about every hour during the night. So yeah, still not getting my sleep.

DH works about 2 hours away from home and stays with a friend for 3 nights each week. Last night he chose to come home and help so that I could sleep (meaning he set up a mattress next to hers and was prepared to give her back her pacifier every time that she woke up). DD woke up at about 11 and needed to poop, but I didn't know why she was so restless and tried to nurse her back to sleep. She gladly took the milk, but she was still fussy and wide awake. Anyway, after we changed her diaper, DH gave her a bottle since I gave her all my milk already (she already got frustrated that I didn't have enough when she woke up). He ordered me to go to bed and I assume he laid her in her bed with her pacifier and lovey and expected her to go to sleep. She started screaming and, after a couple minutes, I walked in to see him holding her and trying to comfort her. She just wanted me and calmed down as soon as I took her from him. I explained to DH that she needs to be rocked, swayed, and bounced to sleep when she isn't nursed to sleep. I showed him how I get her to sleep and then I handed her over to him and walked out of the room. As I was leaving, she turned her body away from him and was reaching for me. Then she started screaming again, so I had to spend the 1/2 hour getting her to fall asleep and laying her in her bed. Of course, DH got frustrated that he couldn't help. He communicated that he feels DD is too attached to me and that this means I will never be able to leave her with anyone so that I can continue on with my career plans. I am trying to get him to understand that she is only 6 months old and that she needs me and is not at a place where she can calm herself without me. We just have to wait it out...

Can anyone relate? What can I do to help him understand?

TalkinBoutMyGirl 05-09-2013 05:24 PM

Have him read up on infant development. What she is doing is perfectly normal Also she since she is only 6 months old she is going to want to nurse at night and sometimes all night. I really wouldn't expect a 6 month old to self sooth with a paci all night. She needs mama.

mibarra 05-09-2013 05:24 PM

DD2 was like this. Around age 1 she got better. I night weaned her by having DH rick her to sleep. She screamed for the first 2-3 nights then adjusted. Up til around 1 year DH couldn't even hold her long enough for me to pee or shower without her screaming. Nobody could. She's over 2 now and while there are still times she wants mommy, there are times she prefers daddy or grandma at times too.

IMO she's too little to worry about being attached to mommy. :)

Nickel+3 05-09-2013 05:32 PM

Your way is not the only way your dd can go to sleep. Let your dh figure out what works for him.

Annedee 05-09-2013 05:53 PM

Re: Demanding baby and frustrated DH
 
Thanks ladies! I needed your encouragement.

I think she's a little different with her needs for a pacifier, which I believe is due to a cranial sacral restriction that causes her back pain. It has been about 90% corrected and doesn't bother her enough to allow her therapist to work on her. Anyway, all that to say that her back pain makes it uncomfortable for her to nurse (we've tried many different positions, but nothing is perfect). She has always screamed for a pacifier when I'm out of milk, if she didn't fall asleep. If she did fall asleep nursing, she'll usually wake up in about 5 minutes and wants a pacifier (I try to nurse her first, but she most often refuses me).

Oh, and I always have to nurse her a couple times during the night. She gets as much as I have to give, whenever she wants it. :giggle:

RainandRedemption 05-09-2013 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nickel+3
Your way is not the only way your dd can go to sleep. Let your dh figure out what works for him.

I agree that nursing at night, even a lot, is normal for a 6 month old. But you also need to let your dh figure out how to sooth and care for her. She might want you because she's used to having you, but I would definitely work on making sure he gets time alone to care for her. It might be best to do that during the day or evening, but she needs time with daddy.

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Teddyandnick 05-09-2013 06:26 PM

DS2 wouldn't let anyone hold him but me until he was about 9 months old. When I got a shower or went to the bathroom, he would scream when DH would hold him. After he started walking he would let other people hold him. Your dd will grow out of it. Your DH is probably just frustrated and feels like she doesn't really like him. Just give it time.

Sarai* 05-09-2013 06:39 PM

Re: Demanding baby and frustrated DH
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nickel+3 (Post 16580093)
Your way is not the only way your dd can go to sleep. Let your dh figure out what works for him.

Yep! Our first was a little fusser, and I worked the evening shift 3 days a week. He just had to figure it out. It helped that I was gone, gone, and he couldn't just hand her over and say "she needs you".......he rocked, he paced the apartment parking lot complex in the stroller, he wrapped her up in a tee shirt I had nursed her in that smelled like me, and he learned to do it, and they developed their own rhythm.

luvsviola 05-09-2013 09:50 PM

Re: Demanding baby and frustrated DH
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nickel+3 (Post 16580093)
Your way is not the only way your dd can go to sleep. Let your dh figure out what works for him.

Totally agree. And, if you go in, it A) undermines what he is trying to do, and B) erodes his confidence when she quiets down because you came in.

Next time, no matter how hard it is, close the door, turn on the TV, whatever to drown it out, and let him comfort her his way. It will be frustrating to you on the short term, but better for their relationship on the long term.

keen1981 05-09-2013 09:57 PM

Leave your husband to find his own ways. I found that my children couldn't bond with their dad Until I facilitated it. Sounds like you have a good man. Instead of directing him try complimenting his efforts and walking away knowing your baby is in loving and calm hands.

We have a rule in our house. We never 'rescue' out baby from each other. Exactly who are we rescueing them from? A loving parent?????

What you are doing isn't working. It might be time for YOU to also try to put baby to sleep without using nursing. A baby who falls asleep with a boob in the mouth needs it all night. I know this! I was attached to Gabe for a long time. Lol!! It's a rough transition but so worth it!


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