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Palooka 10-29-2013 08:31 AM

serious parenting fail
I feel so guilty and just need to get it off my chest.

Yesterday was my first midwife appointment. It went great, HB sounded good, but I'm feeling really depressed lately. Anything even slightly unkind from hubby sends me into tears, I'm exhausted all the time and can't seem to get enough sleep, and I'm completely unmotivated to do anything around the house. Anyway, the appointment ended around 11am (nap time) and we went to lunch, then I drove hubby to work thinking the toddler would nap in the car. He didn't. Then I drove to the grocery, thinking he would nap in the car. He didn't. Then we drove home, again no napping in the car, but lots of shouting and happy screaming that got on my last nerve. At home I couldn't unload the groceries until he napped (3 flights of stairs), but he refused. I laid in bed with him, begged, threatened, tried music, tried our bed, more pleading and threatening. After a while he started asking for food and I knew he had eaten so I refused him and told him it was time to NAP NOW! Eventually I was so angry and frustrated that I smacked his thigh, which is not something I'm proud of, it's a sign of me being exhausted and completely frustrated. At that point I cried and told him I was so sorry and read the book he was asking for. Eventually I gave up and got out of bed and looked at the clock... it was now almost 5pm.

There is no way on earth he and I laid in bed fighting about napping for over 3 hours. We must have slept. More to the point I must have slept and not realized it. Looking back I think we both fell asleep in my bed, but honestly I don't remember sleeping at all, only desperately wanting to sleep. I thought I almost dozed off a few times but he kept waking me up. In reality we both probably napped for a couple hours, after which I woke not realizing I had slept, and continued yelling and fighting with him, and refusing him food. I'm pretty sure that I smacked him AFTER he had napped and was asking me to read a book to him.

That's some pretty ****ty parenting. Really ****ty. I haven't even told my husband. I'm so ashamed. He is SUCH a good toddler, but he just won't nap for me and it's a chronic problem anyway. I can't believe I was so tired and stupid that I treated him that way, especially since the whole time he was just trying to be sweet and play with me. I don't deserve a kid this good.

momtojande 10-29-2013 08:40 AM

Re: serious parenting fail

Originally Posted by Palooka (Post 17020150)
That's some pretty ****ty parenting. Really ****ty.

It really just sounds like extreme exhaustion to me.

It always feels awful to have those moments. But they're awful for a good reason -- because you try to be fair, kind, and loving, so those moments when you slip stand out. The fact that it stands out means it's not the norm.

This is what I tell myself: When you slip up, it's an opportunity to model for the kids how to handle it. You apologize, do what you can to correct the situation, and keep it in mind so you can handle it better next time.

mommabritt 10-29-2013 08:47 AM

Oh mama :hugs: Severe exhaustion will get the best of anyone. Talk to hubby. Open your heart to him and then forgive yourself. Your not a ****ty parent, you are a wonderful parent, and that is why you are being hard on yourself for a slip-up.

Hum Bums 10-29-2013 08:48 AM

Re: serious parenting fail
I'm in my first trimester and don't always handle things rationally either. My girls are running me ragged :(
If you weren't even aware of your consciousness, try not to beat yourself up about the thigh smack. He probably won't remember and you can just try not to let it get there again. :hugs:

happysmileylady 10-29-2013 08:48 AM

Re: serious parenting fail
Mama, I don't want to minimize your feelings, know I say this in an attempt to comfort you, but the situation really isn't the big deal you see it as. It's really not ****ty parenting. I promise. It's ok to feel guilty, it's ok to recognize that you made a mistake, but that's all it is. Just a mistake. And an understandable one at that. It's really nothing to feel so ashamed about and it doesn't make you stupid..

And because it's just a's ok to forgive yourself.

danielle 10-29-2013 08:54 AM

Re: serious parenting fail
Pregnancy is tiring. You're making a whole new person. Go easy on yourself. Not just for slapping your kid, but really, go easy on yourself physically. Get the rest you need.

Oh and by the way, might your son be dropping naps? It sounds hard to believe, but my daughter dropped them at 18 months and never looked back. My son is wobbling on naps at 27 months, but he still takes them more often than not.

crazyeyesmcgee 10-29-2013 09:03 AM

I did some horrible things to/with DD1 when I was pregnant with DD2. I would call my mom or my best friend, cry and get it off my chest. Then I would profusely apologize to DD1 and snuggle with her. Everyone has their moments. I agree with the PP who said that it's a chance for us to model our behavior by apologizing and admitting you were wrong. I promise you that you aren't a sh****y mom. If you didn't care/weren't upset about the situation, *maybe* that would indicate less than stellar parenting. But the very fact that you are upset shoes that you care very very very much about your son and that is what matters.

Bellaroo 10-29-2013 09:20 AM

Re: serious parenting fail
I have had those moments without being exhausted from pregnancy.

Sometimes we have bad days. That doesn't make us any less worthy of having a good kid. Just makes us human.

trying4more 10-29-2013 09:41 AM

Re: serious parenting fail
Parenting is F'ing HARD!

We are human. We have feelings and limits too. Just because a kid pops out of our uterus, doesn't give us some super power to tackle any situation for any period of time. Add, hormones and no sleep to it, and it's a recipe for chaos!

I've had my moments that I'm not proud of. We all do.

My best advice is avoid things at certain times.
Make appts before or after nap time that will allow you get in and out before the meltdown happens.
Plan your food and shopping. I wait for Sunday's when DH is home and can go with me.

Take a deep breath!

miriamleigh 10-29-2013 09:52 AM

Re: serious parenting fail
Pregnancy+non sleeping kid=mommy temper tantrums. My 4 year old is a terrible sleeper, always has been. I have lost it with her on many occasions. You're a wonderful mom, so stop beating yourself up. These things just happen. Go easy on yourself:-)

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