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-   -   Thinking about working Part time...feeling guilty about leaving the kids!! (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16705)

keeperof3angels 06-23-2006 12:12 AM

Thinking about working Part time...feeling guilty about leaving the kids!!
 
Ok, i've been a stay at home mom for almost 5 years, so i'm feeling a little guilty and a bit like i'm going to be a bad mom if I take a part time job that has been offered to me??(no offense to anyone who may work part time, this is just a feeling that i have since i have been home with them for so long).

I have a bachlors degree and worked in the IT industry for 4 years and then became a stay at home mom...but now I have been offered a part time position working basically when i want, meaning i pick my hours and working only 25 hours a week...i was thinking about working while my oldest (which is the only one in school) was in school, so from like 8-2ish, four days a week...I would have my mom and sister in law watch my almost 1 year old and 3 year old....but i just feel like i'm being selfish for not being a stay at home mom any more :-( I love being a stay at home mom, and i love the title :-) but the money they are offering me is awesome and it would help dh out with the bills and not put so much stress on him that i hate not taking it....but on the other hand...I don't want to miss any of my girls' life, especially not when they are young (and not when their older either)...idealy i would have loved to wait until my youngest was a little older because i'm still nursing (which i will continue to do), but this job basically found me and it is super flexible and seems more unreal than anything.....

So....do any of you work part time away from your kids?? How do you deal with the guilt of it?? This is the hardest part of the decision....losing my stay at home mom status by not being home with them all the time :-( I don't want anyone to see me as a bad mom or one that doesn't care about my kids because I "choose" to work (because we are doing fine financially now and many know that), but it just seems like an oppurtunity that i can't pass up!!

Please help me feel better guys, or something!!!!

TIA

SheilaJoy 06-23-2006 01:08 AM

Re: Thinking about working Part time...feeling guilty about leaving the kids!!
 
I don't work outside the home at all, and I'm nursing so it wouldn't be possible for me (I'm not a pumper). But, if an opportunity arose like the one you have, and you have loving family members to help you out and the chance to contribute to your household, you have nothing to feel guilty about. I would probably do it. Go for it mama! :thumbsup:

momof4 06-23-2006 03:16 AM

Re: Thinking about working Part time...feeling guilty about leaving the kids!!
 
I worked outside the home about 17 hours a week this year, and it's been more in the past. It helps if you get to choose the hours; I felt much less guilty about working during the time my kids were asleep. If yours nap for at least 1-2 hours each day, you can think of your time away from them as being much less. How far away is the job; does your commute add on to your time apart?

If you have great, loving care, I think your kids will do fine. Mine did, though I'll be able to give a more informed opinion in a year, since I'm becoming a SAHM for the first time in 16 years -- at least for the first year. I'm keeping my options open after that, and you might want to do the same.

I say try it and see how it feels after a few months; you've given them an awesome start already, and you can always go back to being a SAHM if you want.

jennyofthemoon 06-23-2006 04:03 AM

Re: Thinking about working Part time...feeling guilty about leaving the kids!!
 
I work pt, about 16 hours a week. I went back to work after being home for 6 years last summer. I was working in anursing home, but the 8 hours shifts killed me being away from the kiddos at bedtime. So I switched to home care, where my hours are flexible, I can generally make my own hours, with a VERY few exceptions, and I can pick up more hours if I ever need them. All inn all, it's not a bad gig, and you can't beat the money for working so few hours. BUT--I've been doing that for about 4.5 months, and it's just getting to be very overwhelming. I hate being awaya from my kids, I hate always feeling rushed. I am seriously thinking about quitting my job, but then will feel guilty that I am no longer contributing financially to the household. Dh is supportive of me staying at home with them full-time, but it's MY own guilt, kwim?

Otoh, I know alot of moms who do this, and it is perfect for them! I think that maybe the best thing to do would be to give it a shot, and if it's too much for you, either physically or eotionally or both, go back to being a sahm. I know that no one wants to take a job just to quit in a few months, but you have to find what works well for you and your family. Good luck!

IsaMama 06-23-2006 06:30 AM

Re: Thinking about working Part time...feeling guilty about leaving the kids!!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by keeperof3angels
I don't want anyone to see me as a bad mom or one that doesn't care about my kids because I "choose" to work TIA

Shame on anyone who would see you as being a bad mom ! You care about your kids, you love your kids, you take good care of them, you have their best interest at heart and that will NOT CHANGE regardless of you working or not.

I`m going back to work full time in a week and I absolutely have no guilt to do so. I would like to think that I`d be a happy stay at home mom, but no, it is not the case. We would be ok without my salary, but it`s nice to have a bit more of an income. I don`t see someone coming up to me and saying I don`t care about my kids, it would be absolutely innapropriate.

Working outside is not a failure to being a mother, it`s not something bad. This work opportunity seems to be a good thing for your own personal growth and actualization, and that is important too. You have a lifetime ahead of you being in your children`s lives and this employment is not a lifetime engagement.

My mother worked outside and yet I don`t feel I`ve been deprived of something, I have wonderful childhood memories and never, ever, have I doubted that she wasn`t a good mom and she didn`t love me. She probably dealt with the same "fear" of being judged as many of her sibblings and sister-in-laws were at home .

Hope this help :goodvibes:

Willys Woolies 06-23-2006 06:44 AM

Re: Thinking about working Part time...feeling guilty about leaving the kids!!
 
You're lucky to find a part time job! You'll have a good balance. It will be good for the kids and good for you. I work 50 hours a week and I do not have balance...it is way too much and I feel terribly guilty and I feel awful for my children. I wish I could stay home or work less, but it's just not possible! It's good for the kids to be away from you a little and be around other people too...you'll do wonderfully. You'll miss them just enough to appreciate being home with them more. You might enjoy the change!

rliszkowski 06-23-2006 10:50 AM

Re: Thinking about working Part time...feeling guilty about leaving the kids!!
 
I have worked part-time, full-time, and stayed home full-time over the years. Staying home full-time is the hardest IMO. Working outside the home full-time is pretty awful for me.

I am going back to work part-time (16-24 hours per week) in the fall and honestly I am looking forward to it. I feel very lucky to have found a part-time position.

This wouldn't be an option with a new baby because they nurse so often but my guy will be a year so it should work out well. He stays with my parents and I know he is loved and he is comfortable with them. Now if I had to put him a daycare setting, I would probably not go to work at all. The amount left over after paying for daycare would not be enough to justify my absence.

Working outside the home does not make you a bad mother. For me, it makes me a better mother. I am less depressed and accomplish more if I get out of the house a bit. It helps me keep things in perspective. It is such a personal decision though. If I were you, I would be tempted to try it for awhile. Maybe a 3-6 month trial period? If it is not working for your family, you can quit. I know that sounds bad but you have to do what is best for your family.

doberbrat 06-23-2006 11:03 AM

Re: Thinking about working Part time...feeling guilty about leaving the kids!!
 
I work 32-36h a week. I need the health ins (and the $$) so staying home isnít an option. I donít think Iím a bad mom in the least. I still nurse, practice AP when I"m home etc.

As long as you have great child care (and it sounds like you do) why not give it a shot? Give yourself a realistic trial period 3-6mo and evaluate after that.

If it doesnít work for you, well, quit. You tried and it didnít work. No shame in that. If you DONíT try, youíll always wonder about it.

earthybirthymom 06-24-2006 12:50 AM

Re: Thinking about working Part time...feeling guilty about leaving the kids!!
 
I am in a similar situation! I have been asked to return to a part time position (noon to 6 pm daily) and my 2 children will be in the care of a sitter for 3 hours a day (the other 3 hours my dh is home) and i have been facing terrible guilt about this decision. We could continue to make it work with my dh's income, but we are both so tired of stressing and fighting over money. At times i think i'd enjoy working part time after 3 years of being home. But then i worry about my children. It doesnt help when older moms (im in my mid 20's) say ever so condescendingly, "Well thats why i waited to have babies til i was older, so that I can raise my babies and not a stranger caring for them while i work." UGHHH, what makes those women think they have the right to judge me? So i totally feel for you!

All i can say is what others have told me. Do whats best for you. Dont let anyone else judge you or make you feel like you're making the wrong decision. A part time position is great because the kids are not without you long, they get interation with other people they love, mommy gets some adult time and a little extra money is always a bonus! Hugs momma!

jaci_hutton 06-24-2006 02:22 AM

Re: Thinking about working Part time...feeling guilty about leaving the kids!!
 
I just got a part time job .. and I LOVE it. I got mainly because dh was deployed and because where they were hiring was where my sister worked. So mondays we work together and my mom watches them and then tuesday and thursday my sister doesnt work there so she watches them. I dont feel guilty leaving them. especially with family members and because I am trying to provide a loving, caring home/environment for them. and when I am stressed .. they are stressed. its a good way for me to get "de-stressed" and it makes appreciate and cherish my time with them more. :thumbsup: .. good luck!!!! :goodvibes:


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