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missy_cbell21 09-19-2007 12:07 AM

please don't hate me, help me... long.
ok first, today we found out we are having a boy!!! and i can't be happy about it... with my first ds i had not educated myself about circing, i only listened too my mom. neither of my brothers were circed due too medical reasons arising at birth then the insurance would not pay for it because they were too old. she told me lots of horrior stories about my bro's un-circed helth issues. so i had my ds circed. it was fine for about a week then the skin reatached and become infected under the skin. they decided the doc didn't take enough skin off but loosened too much for it too heal. then lots more problems i could share but you don't have all night. we were sceduled too have the circ "finished" in december last year and on the way too the hospital about an hour away we hit a large snow storm and had too cancel it. i read up on what can be done and found that most of the time it will pull back like an un-circed boys at the same age. so it was never "finished." now all the bs that we went through and the pain that my little boy went through has made me stand up too dh and tell him that if our ds grow up and want circed they can but we will not be diciding that for any future children. he never agred just walked away, that was before i was pregnant. so when we were talking about ttc for this one i brought up circing and he got all upset and didn't want too talk about it. we decided we would just have a girl:giggle: well things don't really work out like you plan. so today at the u/s the tech looks at us and says "do you want too know the sex?" i looked and about cried, there was a huge close up of a penis! dh started laughing because i have been calling this little boy olivia for about 18 weeks now. we havent talked about circing yet and i'm scared too hear what he has too say. but i will win because he is going too be in trainging when the baby is born and there is no way he would go behind my back and do it latter. dh was deployed during most of ds's circing issues and i really belive if he were home too see how bad it was he would not want too circ our next one. he is very about how strange it looks, and i simply explain that the rate of circing is dropping and soon both will be looked at as normal. i guess this is more of a desperate sad rant without the attitude thrown in there. i do have too say as long as this little one comes out healthy and smiling like my first ds i will be happy and take as much greif from dh as it takes. sorry that was so long i just know someone on here will understand.

paintedbison 09-19-2007 12:14 AM

Re: please don't hate me, help me... long.
Man... just wanted to say hugs mama. Sounds like you need to sit down and stand your ground with DH and get through this in one coversation and then be done with it, if at all possible. I would hate for this to drag out and ruin your excitement over the pregnancy. Does it matter to your DH how much this issue is affecting you???

ms_hecubus 09-19-2007 12:16 AM

Re: please don't hate me, help me... long.
I know this a very stressful time for you, but there are a lot of positives in your post. You will be the one who decides and you know your husband will go along with it even if he complains. In the meantime, there are a ton of stories and statistics available online so you can show him that intact boys are becoming just as "normal" as circumcized ones. It really sounds like he's not really pro-circ, but rather has a few doubts. I'm sure it'll work out. Good luck! :bighug:

Sweet_Fantasy_Fox 09-19-2007 12:31 AM

Re: please don't hate me, help me... long.
:hugs: things will turn out alright mama:goodvibes:

missy_cbell21 09-19-2007 12:34 AM

Re: please don't hate me, help me... long.
my dh is so hard headed about most things but on this i can tell he is going too cave, if there are ever any problems as far as uti's or anything it will be blamed on me not wanting him circed. but i can take that chance. dh has seen many videos of circs and they do not phase him. he is in the medical feild though so he belives in anything the doctors say. thank goodness we have a pedi that is anti-circ. dh seams really happy that it is a boy, probably because i have been eyeing all the girly wool and diapers for months now. his bank account is now safe. i just posted a poll in off-topic forum and plan on showing him that and then sitting down and talking too him about this. i already have a babysitter for this weekend and we are going too lock ourselves in and not leave until we can both walk out of here smiling. he know how inportant this is too me, i handle most of ds's health care and he knows i always do my reserch and make the best choice for our faimly. i think this will work out just fine.

BlessedwithBlue 09-19-2007 12:46 AM

Re: please don't hate me, help me... long.
This is such a hard decision and either way can be good or bad, imo. Good luck with your dh! HUGS!

zosiasmama 09-19-2007 03:14 AM

Re: please don't hate me, help me... long.
If you need info there is a great board at MDC called The Case Against Circumcision:

Maybe try to read up on things here and get some good hard facts before you go at it with your DH. IMO you are making the right choice, I really feel for you DS #1 poor little guy. Myself, I have never understood circumcision. Some people say that the skin is unnessacary but so is the appendix but we don't just remove it for no reason. God made us how we are and there is no reason to cut up a baby. Here is a cute conversation between one of our mama and her DH:

Hope it turns out better mama, Danni

massbb2 09-19-2007 03:37 AM

Re: please don't hate me, help me... long.
I circ'ed our first ds because I was uneducated. I let my dh decide and he wanted his son to look like him.

I circ'ed our second son because I didn't want him to be the only boy in the house that looked different even though by then I was educated enough to want otherwise.

I'd love to have another baby and I know I'd probablly circ again.

We were lucky that we had no problems at all. But I feel for you. I wish we hadn't done it to either, but not sure if I could do it to one and not the other.

I hope you win your case. If you are both not in agreement, you shouldn't do anything. Let dh know it can always be done later.


stayinhomewithmy6 09-19-2007 08:30 AM

Re: please don't hate me, help me... long.
My first 2 DS's were circed because I was also uneducated about it. Although, at the time I felt it was wrong, I also believed that it was healthier, so I went along with it. Now that I know better, I won't have any future sons circed whether DH agrees or not. We have discussed it in great length and he is starting to come around. My DH's major concern is that our son will be the only kid in town with an intact penis and that he'll be laughed at for it. Where we live, the percentage is now almost 20% not circed vs 80% circed. So, hopefully, he really doesn't need to be concerned about that. The one thing that made a difference in helping to convince DH was watching the Penn & Teller episode on circumcision. I made him sit & watch the whole thing and when it was over he said he would be open to not circing our next boy. Whew! Now, if only I can get him to keep his word... that was about 6 mos ago and DH has been known to go back on his word before. I think I'll have to buy a copy of that episode so that I can make him watch it as often as necessary!

ommelissa 09-19-2007 08:39 AM

Re: please don't hate me, help me... long.

Originally Posted by missy_cbell21 (Post 1798079)
he is in the medical feild though so he belives in anything the doctors say.

ROLF! because I am in the medical field also, and it causes me to doubt every word out of a doc's mouth!

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