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-   -   I hate people like me... (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=32919)

KnottyLDSMama 08-20-2006 12:33 PM

I hate people like me...
 
*sighs* Just felt I need to come in here and pout a bit.

I have a problem with seeing babies being bottle fed in public. I always feel so bad for them! And I hate to think that way, because it's like I'm judging someone else's parenting methods, and I hate to do that. But I can't help it. It's involuntary.

So then with my DS, I feel like running and hiding in the bathroom when it's time for him to eat. :( I have a low supply, so I'm fine when he has to nurse in public. NO problems there. But when it's time to pull out his bottle, I'm so ashamed! And I know it's people like me (judging people who bottlefeed) that make me ashamed! How sad is that??

It's like I can hear people thinking "Look at that poor, misguided young mother, giving her baby formula instead of bm". And I just wanna scream "I'M TRYING!" But the truth is, people probably aren't even paying attention to me at all, let alone whether or not I've giving my son a bottle. But I almost have a panic attack every time I have to feed him in public! :banghead:

urchin_grey 08-20-2006 01:06 PM

Re: I hate people like me...
 
Wow, I kinda know how you feel! My son was in the NICU for a little while and I pumped liked crazy while he was there but once he got home he HATED BFing. He REFUSED to do it! I saw like 3 lactation consultants and that didn't help at all. =( I was upset about it but I just kept pumping and trying to get him to BF. He just refused to latch on though except for like two whole times and eventually I dried up b/c I couldn't keep up with the pumping. (AND I was only producing milk on one side!) Sooo, BFing for us lasted all of like 2 months. I'm a young mom too (21) so I was always afraid that people would judge me and think that I just never even tried because I was young. I wasn't ASHAMED to feed him a bottle in public, but I did always feel bad and kinda self-conscious.

Now, DS is 15 months and he still takes a bottle. (We are working on the cup now.) And ya know what? Even though giving him a bottle after 12 months isn't the "right" thing to do, I'm not in the least bit ashamed or worried what other people think about it. My DS is small for his age and is in a spica cast so I figured I would skip learning to drink from a cup for now and I don't care what anyone says! LOL

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is... you just have to worry less about what other people think of you. It doesn't matter because all those random people don't know SQUAT about you. I mean, I've even had people hollar out in the middle of Target "Oh my Gawd, that baby has two broken legs" when I took my son out in his SERIAL casts for CORRECTION of clubbed feet (NOT broken legs!) But I just had to get over it because they don't even know me.

AND, some of the time, you probably ARE right about the people that don't care at all about BFing... but some of those people could have any of a million GOOD reasons why they didn't get to BF. Plus, the people that choose not too probably aren't bad parents. Most were just misinformed or brought up to think that its unnecessary, which isn't really their fault. Well, I hope you can start feeling better about it, and I hope this helps. (Sorry for the massive post, by the way.) :p

KnottyLDSMama 08-20-2006 01:18 PM

Re: I hate people like me...
 
I know...I always feel terrible that that's my first response when I see a baby being bottle fed, because you're right. I mean, that mother might even be in the same situation I am! So how do you turn a reaction like that off?

And I've always had problems with what other people think of me, so I don't know if I'll be able to turn that part off or not. :(

chunkymonkey'smomma 08-20-2006 07:35 PM

Re: I hate people like me...
 
I have the same problem w/ supply...had it w/ #1 and now w/ #2...The difference is I am more comfortable w/ my low supply this time around..I am proud that I am able to give my son what breastmilk I produce, even if it is only 25% of his intake...that said if I am in public we do use a bottle, at home we use SNS and I always nurse him for 10min each breast before he gets his bottle...it's okay! You aren't a bad Mommy! Just be glad you can give some to your babe!

ecoria 08-20-2006 08:10 PM

Re: I hate people like me...
 
:bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :hugs: (((((hugs)))) :hugs:

There's a saying i've always loved...Those who judge dont matter, and those who matter dont judge. We both know you are doing the best you can, and then some. Dont worry about what anyone else thinks. Just be glad you are doing right by him and thats he's getting every ounce of bm he can get.

btw, i've got 2 more bags here for ya. :thumbsup:

bamamom 08-20-2006 08:44 PM

Re: I hate people like me...
 
oy...

i can relate

i used to be so FREAKInG judgemental, then i had my second baby. Who was ALLERGIC to the freaking air around us, it seemed.

And no matter what i did, or eliminated from his diet, or how many LC's i saw, he still cried, and still he didnt grow.

At 9 months, my milk was gone, and he was on certain formula. He started doing great..but suddenly I had become that person that I used to criticize. And I hated it!

I felt like a bad mom, and I wanted to say out loud " I nursed him, I promise!!"

So you're not alone.

skayers01 08-21-2006 11:10 AM

Re: I hate people like me...
 
Well, mama, we all know you're doing the best you can! And maybe look at it as a chance to learn. Maybe now when you see another mama with a bottle you'll think "she's doing the best she can" or something along those lines. :hugs: Hang in there, hopefully your supply will pick back up. As my midwife says "Keep drinking water..." (I personally prefer Crystal Light)

Luvmybabies 08-21-2006 11:21 AM

Re: I hate people like me...
 
I guess that's why its so important not to judge others, because you don't know the circumstances. You know if your heart that you are doing what is best for your baby.
I get those looks, like I'm a horrible mother because my baby takes a bottle. If only the people giving me those looks knew the heartbreaking horrible road we took to get to where we are. I breastfed exclusively for 5 weeks 2 days, after figuring out he was allergic to everything under the sun, I still continued to pump thinking there was hope that he could return to the breast. Once I decided to give up pumping I regretted it since he was still having issues - even on formula. I relactated with the help of a hospital grade pump and Reglan. One trip back to the breast made him so sick, I was convinced that breast wasn't best for my boy. To this day I am still heartbroken about it. Once we got him on a hypoallergenic formula he started to thrive, and now he is on medical food - a nutritionally complete meal in a bottle since he can't tolerate most solids. Everytime I make him a bottle with his medical food, I know its what is best for his belly - I just have to look at him and see how much he's grown.
I hate being judged, especially after what I've gone through. He is almost 17mo now.

bamamom 08-21-2006 11:49 AM

Re: I hate people like me...
 
that could be our story. I still hate it t hat he doesnt nurse, but it makes him so sick.:cry:

BambooMama 08-21-2006 12:45 PM

Re: I hate people like me...
 
i don't want to pretend i know how you feel, b/c i admit that i don't, but :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: anyway.

i just was thinking about this, and it sorta just made me mad. i've gotten looks and comments from bf'ing in public, and i live in a pretty progressive town. it just pisses me off that regardless of what you do, bf, bottle feed, whatever, it seems like the world just tends to judge moms!!! we go through so much just at home with pregnancy/delivery/child care and often WOH'ing, and then we have to deal with being self conscious about how we feed our babies!!!

so i guess what i'm saying is just what the pp's have said. don't worry about other people, they don't know you and your struggle, you'll probably never see them again, etc... do your thang, mama!!! it just makes me mad that you've felt self concious bottle feeding, AND i've felt self conscious bf'ing. it just all seems too much to comprehend sometimes!!!


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