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-   -   I thank all of you so much for your support!! baby loss (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3501)

nothing_butt_cloth 05-04-2006 02:38 PM

I thank all of you so much for your support!! baby loss
 
I cried when I received the flowers you all sent me. You will never know how much that meant to me. I know rachelle told you a bit about my story, but let me recap. On tuesday morning, April 25, I went to see my midwife for my regual 17 week check. I was 17 weeks and 2 days. Everything was great. I was puking al morning and complaining about stil being sick and tired. but grateful my hormones were still in full gear. It was tehn time to listen to baby. After an hour of trying to find babys heart beat, she jsut coudnt. I was so stressed out and it got worse every minute she tried to find it. She says let me send you for an US, but i am sure it is nothing. sometimes babies jsut hide. My US was sceduled for later that day. When the US tech arrived at my house I was in surprisingly good spirits. I was certain we would find baby alive and kicking. Well after about 5 min he turned off the US machine and said, Mom dad, im sorry but baby didnt make it. My heart shattered!! How can this be happening again. The next few hours a blur, I had pplk coming to see the house, and we had to go get the kids food for dinner, and I was trying to get ahold of my midwife, who was at a birth, and dropped her pager into the birthing tub. I didnt know what to do or how to act. I didnt know what to expect. The next day my midwife started me on herbal induction since i was refusing to go to the hospital. I had my twins in a hosptial amost 7 years ago, and I will never forget how much I hated being on the L&d floor and giving birth to my dead babies. I didnt want that again. Well labor just didnt want to really start. It would get going a bit then fizzle out. On Monday I woke with a fever and that was the line that was drawn. I went to the ER and they did NOTHING. I asked to be induced and they wouldnt do it since I was not 20 weeks. I was 18 weeks that day. The baby is measuring small. 14 weeks 5 day to 15 weeks 3 days. I KNOW the baby was alive until at least april 22 since i was feelilng movement. We are guessing there is a problem with the placenta or cord that made baby be so small. So here i am 1 week and 2 days later. I have the funeral arrangements made, and the burial plot picked out. just need baby to be born. My body doesnt seem to know yet that baby died. My placenta grew a lot over the last week, between the 2 US I had. I have been told it took about 2 weeks for most ppl I know that have gone thru this before the baby was born. While I am grateful for hte time i have had to make decisions, and to spend with my baby, I am ready to turn the page on this nightmare. I want to wake up and be told it was a dream. We tried for 15 months to concieve this little one. We bought a new house to have baby in. and in the blink of an eye the dream was over. Now instead of laying my sweet baby in a bassinet, I will be laying my sweet angel, to rest in a box.
I am sorry this is no long, but I realy wanted to thank you all for the flowers and the supprt. I havent been online in weeks, and once my computer was fixed and internet was back up and running, I havent felt like getting onlline. All I feel like doing is sleeping. I am going to try to be here more often, but i may come and go.
Thank you again for your support and please continue to pray for a faster end to this nightmare I am living.

Tangy 05-04-2006 02:47 PM

Re: I thank all of you so much for your support!! baby loss
 
Hugs to you, mama. I could never imagine.

Hold your memories close, they will hold you over until you meet again.

sparkygirl74 05-04-2006 02:55 PM

Re: I thank all of you so much for your support!! baby loss
 
:hugs: and prayers. I am so sorry mama!

wbkt8 05-04-2006 02:55 PM

Re: I thank all of you so much for your support!! baby loss
 
:hugs:

Luvmybabies 05-04-2006 03:02 PM

Re: I thank all of you so much for your support!! baby loss
 
Keeping you in my prayers mama, I can't even imagine what you are going through. HUGS to you.

scatterbrainedmom 05-04-2006 03:02 PM

Re: I thank all of you so much for your support!! baby loss
 
oh mama!! i am so sorry for your loss.

lovemygirls 05-04-2006 03:06 PM

Re: I thank all of you so much for your support!! baby loss
 
:hugs: and prayers headed your way mama!! I'm so sorry.:cry:

MamaLove 05-04-2006 03:19 PM

Re: I thank all of you so much for your support!! baby loss
 
:bighug:
I'm so sorry, mama. Lots of loving prayers for you.

bethanyjoy 05-04-2006 03:38 PM

Re: I thank all of you so much for your support!! baby loss
 
I have no words, only :bighug: and many many prayers.

MelissaCoffey 05-04-2006 03:50 PM

Re: I thank all of you so much for your support!! baby loss
 
((HUGS)) To you. I hated being in the hospital with Matthew. We got to hold him for about 40 minutes before his heart stopped beating. He was so perfect, yet not. It helped us to be able to see why he didn't make it. But it's still hard. He was due 6/09. I imagine that will be a hard day. It's hard sometimes when you think about how wanted babies leave us when others choose to end a life. I have a lot of compassion for those women as well, but sometimes it just seems unfair...

I envy you being at home. Good for you for making this decision. Birth and death are personal and need not be "monitored." My midwife delivered our baby before the doctors even knew what was going on. I am grateful for the privacy. I pray that even in sadness, your birth can be the beautiful experience it was for us.

You are in my prayers.

Melissa
http://www.diaperdecisions.com


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