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-   -   What do/did you do when 15month LO had Tantrum (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=367808)

ive 03-17-2008 08:17 PM

What do/did you do when 15month LO had Tantrum
 
I'm ready to cry. My son I feel is running my life w/ his tantrums. I know I've rewarded him by picking him up and giving him w/e he wants to calm him down faster (in the past) and now I'm paying for it.
I was hoping for some ideas on what to do and how long before my bad parenting on discipline is undone.(pls don't tell me years:cry: )
I feel like I've failed but know its not to late to change and help him have a better childhood just by being stricter.

Family and friends say a good whack on the butt or slap on the hand will stop him from doing it again. Sadly I don't like how I feel after I even tap his hand when he's reaching for something he's not suppose to. I pat his butt in loving affection and rather not use butt smacking as a form of punishment. He's a very loving and sweet boy for everyone else, but when I pick him up from daycare of from Grandpa's he looks at me and I can see his whole mind set changing into the little green man he is at home. Lately he's even started doing his huge tantrums out in public which embarrass me and make me run out of the store as fast as possible.Its been 2weeks now (due to him being sick and now the tantrums out in public) sense I could get grocery's with him and sadly have no idea how I'm suppose to get grocery's which we badly need!!! Pls ideas and suggestions?
I did see some mother hold their little one till they calm down, and one using green/yellow,red stop signs I'm not sure if signs would work at his age. If ignoring his 1hour+ tantrums will be possible. I've tried ignore for 30mins pick up see if he calms down ,if it doesn't let him continue and sadly I find this very hard in public spots where people are glaring at you wondering why your allowing this child to cry. and now I feel for parents when I hear a child crying and I think, boy I totally understand where your coming from. I'm thinking maybe just do online shopping for grocery's and just get them and come home. but I don't think I should have my 15month old actions keep me from getting necessary things done.

OK so long long explanation and I feel a bit better just typing my worries and concerns down. Really I'd just like to know what to do when he has a tantrum at home or out in public? What method works the best to curve or nip tantrums in the behind.
and How long is it OK to walk around having a angry toddler in your arms, do I ignore others and think tough luck or just starve my son and me to death??? oh and just the 2 of us so have no other person to watch him so I can get our food for us.
thanks for any and all help and wish me luck for tomorrow,
Oh you think getting him addicted to a Binky this late in the game would work :giggle:

S Starr 03-18-2008 10:04 AM

Re: What do/did you do when 15month LO had Tantrum
 
I dealt with this to some extent when dd was 14 months. At home, try timeouts. Your son isn't too young for them. With dd, I put up an empty playpen and stuck her in it, saying (for example), "You may not pull the cat's tail. That hurts the cat. Timeout with no toys and no blanket." She just laughed, usually, in the playpen, but I think it still had some effect -- if nothing else, it gave me two minutes to cool off. (An 'official' suggestion is 1 minute/year of age, but I went with 2, since she wasn't heartbroken.) And if she returned to the behavior, she went right back in. This consistent reaction seemed to curb the cat-torturing, which was my main concern.

I also talked to her a lot, like an adult (but with more repetition and explanations). By 16 months, my dd could identify a dozen plants -- toddlers understand a lot!

Tantrums, I did ignore (telling her, "When you're ready to play/talk nicely, come see me."). However, if your son is throwing 60-minute tantrums, I suspect that he's tired. What kind of sleep is he getting? 11-13 hours? If not, I'd work with that, maybe giving him an earlier bedtime.

Hugs, mama! It sounds like you're having a really rough time right now. Don't starve yourself, no. <g>

ive 03-18-2008 10:17 AM

Re: What do/did you do when 15month LO had Tantrum
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by S Starr (Post 3070838)
I dealt with this to some extent when dd was 14 months. At home, try timeouts. Your son isn't too young for them. With dd, I put up an empty playpen and stuck her in it, saying (for example), "You may not pull the cat's tail. That hurts the cat. Timeout with no toys and no blanket." She just laughed, usually, in the playpen, but I think it still had some effect -- if nothing else, it gave me two minutes to cool off. (An 'official' suggestion is 1 minute/year of age, but I went with 2, since she wasn't heartbroken.) And if she returned to the behavior, she went right back in. This consistent reaction seemed to curb the cat-torturing, which was my main concern.

I also talked to her a lot, like an adult (but with more repetition and explanations). By 16 months, my dd could identify a dozen plants -- toddlers understand a lot!

Tantrums, I did ignore (telling her, "When you're ready to play/talk nicely, come see me."). However, if your son is throwing 60-minute tantrums, I suspect that he's tired. What kind of sleep is he getting? 11-13 hours? If not, I'd work with that, maybe giving him an earlier bedtime.

Hugs, mama! It sounds like you're having a really rough time right now. Don't starve yourself, no. <g>

I feel guilty for having to put him in daycare while I go to work so I hate thinking of having anyone watch my son on my days off which I know would solve a lot of problems for errands ect. He goes to bed when he feels like it. We both where on nite time schedule due to where I worked. Now they finally agreed to allow me on 1st. I have no idea what is a normal schedule for a child, just due to his whole life he'd go to bed around 9pm sometimes as early as 8:30pm.Up around 9am, and if at the providers home have to wake up around midnite 4 times a week, we'd go home and be up an hour getting ready to go back to bed . Also naps where cut down to 1 a day for 2hours from 12noon-2pm then off to daycare or w/e the afternoon held for us. I never thought he was starving for love, due to I play and sit w/ him unless its feeding, or nap time. Today was another fun day. And finally after 2hours , one huge blow up where the tantrum went on for over 1 1/2 I finally gave in and held him and soothed him as best as possible. I just don't know if giving in before they are down w/ the tantrum is just reinforcing the bad behavior, should I just go to the next room and if he follows me crying(1st half of his tantrum) then keep ignoring him or do I then pick him up? I just don't want to lose my cool and punish him for being him.

Mirasmom 03-18-2008 10:21 AM

Re: What do/did you do when 15month LO had Tantrum
 
We have always done our best to ignore it. If we comment at all it's in a very soft voice and I say, "well, that's not going to get you what you want. We don't throw fits." We do use spanking as a last resort for acting out, but not for tantrums. I always thought that a tantrum was to get your attention and anything you did to give them attention for it was them winning. As for 1+ hour tantrums though...WHEW! Ours are a few seconds long...
As for in public- we leave. They don't deserve to be out and about if they can't act nicely.

S Starr 03-18-2008 10:59 AM

Re: What do/did you do when 15month LO had Tantrum
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by ive (Post 3070968)
We both where on nite time schedule due to where I worked. Now they finally agreed to allow me on 1st. I have no idea what is a normal schedule for a child, just due to his whole life he'd go to bed around 9pm sometimes as early as 8:30pm.Up around 9am, and if at the providers home have to wake up around midnite 4 times a week, we'd go home and be up an hour getting ready to go back to bed . Also naps where cut down to 1 a day for 2hours from 12noon-2pm

If you've just switched schedules, maybe that's part of the problem?

At 14 months, my dd was asleep approximately 7:30pm-7:00am, but I know a lot of parents go with a later bedtime/waking time. And, yes, my dd went down to 1 nap at about that time, but really sometimes needed more.... Is your son still happy by bedtime, or is he fraying at the edges? If he's melting down, I'd aim for more sleep (earlier bedtime). Otherwise I don't know what to tell you except hang on! :bighug:

blossomgoat 03-18-2008 11:27 AM

Re: What do/did you do when 15month LO had Tantrum
 
My DD is 15 mos old and has selective tantrums. She gives them to me when I do anything not involving her. LOL. LIke.... computer time. She threw one last night when I picked her up from daycare. She likes it there a lot and was angry to be forced home.

My DH puts her in her crib when she throws one and leaves the room for a minute. She's usually pretty willing to drop it when he does that. I generally put her on the floor and sit next to her after I tell her what she can't do. If she doesn't calm down in a minute or two, I'll look her in the eye and get her attention and ask what she needs. If that still doesn't break it, I'll walk away for a few minutes. By the time she comes to me, she's still crying, but she stops as soon as I give her my attention.

It's really hard to handle sometimes. I should probably start the time outs, like DH, but I'm unwilling to use her crib as her time out space. BUT it's the only place where she would be confined instead of let free to roam. Maybe I need to set up the pack and play somewhere.

ive 03-18-2008 12:06 PM

Re: What do/did you do when 15month LO had Tantrum
 
another WI mama. love the snow we just got. I think this is also something to do with it as well. We have been inside all winter long and between both of us we want outside to enjoy fresh air and open space.

akrancher 03-18-2008 01:03 PM

Re: What do/did you do when 15month LO had Tantrum
 
DS is 15 months and throws tantrums. They only last a short time though. I can't imagine such long ones. Tantrums here are for some reason. I won't let him bang on the computer, play with toilet paper, hit me, play with cords, etc. When he does these things, I sternly tell him that is not for him to play with. If a tantrum starts and he continues to misbehave, I take him away from whatever is getting his attention. For him, just getting him away from the issue helps a bunch. Sometimes what sets him off the most is just my tone of voice with him. He knows I am serious.
I would think that for long extended tantrums over 30 mins, that there is something else going on than not being able to get what they want or misbehaving. Maybe all the change with your job is affecting him. When I worked in daycare I could always tell with the kids when changes were going on at home. I also agree with pp that sleep could very likely bring these on. When a tantrum starts with a tired toddler it is much harder to get back on track. Try and set some sort of schedule up for your LO as far as sleep goes.
DS sleeps about 14-15 hours a day right now and I think he needs more
Not much help here.
good luck

Angel3167 03-18-2008 01:05 PM

Re: What do/did you do when 15month LO had Tantrum
 
WOW those are long tantrums! :hugs: mama! I agree with PP that it might be something like schedule change or something else besides just a tantrum. I have a 14 mo and she throws the occassional tantrum but they are pretty short. When she starts it I let her do what she is going to (throw herself on the floor) and I just sit there next to her and wait. She will scream and then reach for me and I hug her and tell her why we can't do something but that we can do something else (we can't throw our books but we can read them). I am also trying to get into the mind set that it does NOT matter what other people in the store think. I used to glare at people with screaming kids before I had one of my own. Now I certainly can sympathize. I let her yell and I talk to her quietly so she has to quiet down to hear me and try and give her something to be in charge of (the can of tomatoe paste) or I hear some people swear by a snack. We always try and go when she is rested so there is less chance of a melt down. If it's just me shopping I make my list and know EXACTLY where I need to go in the store. If I forget something than oh well I didn't need it that bad I will get it another day. Another thing that my DD does that my DH isn't good at picking up on is sometimes she will start out as a tantrum and get SO worked up she forgets why she's upset and just needs our reassurance. My DH thinks she's trying to manipulate him, really that aren't old enough for that yet and he can't always follow HIS own agenda.
I am also in a parenting group and we are talking A LOT about disipline and how our toddlers express emotions. One suggestion was to give two yeses for every no. IE: you can't throw the ball in the house. You can throw the ball outside or throw a pillow.
It says to find new choices - or yeses - you can change: the activity, the item, the time, or the location. In the activity above the item was changed or the location was changed.
Don't think of timeouts as a punishment but sometimes kids and parents need to re group. Sometimes you can just say sit here for a minute and think mommy needs to go sit and think too. Maybe find a kids book about timeouts for him to read when has a time out? And then talk about the problem.
Whew! I had a lot to say! Hopefully some of it will help. My DD is stubborn just like her mom so I have to stay on my toes! GL

Angel3167 03-18-2008 01:08 PM

Re: What do/did you do when 15month LO had Tantrum
 
OH Yea another thing I was going to suggest was a sched! That helped with bedtime a lot! Also incorperate little routines ie: we hang our coat when we come in from outside on this hook (low enough for him to do). Kids thrive on the little constant things


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