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-   -   How did you help child #1 "adjust" to the arrival of new baby? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=369424)

aept 03-19-2008 02:07 PM

How did you help child #1 "adjust" to the arrival of new baby?
 
Well, the title pretty much says it all. Our ds is our first child and he will be about 21 months old when #2 arrives (He's 19 months now.) We talk about the baby all the time but really, I don't think he understands what is going to happen!

How did you ease your older child's transition into being a big sibling? I am particularly interested in hearing stories from others whose kids have about the same age difference as mine will be. (Since I think a much younger or much older child might handle things differently, KWIM?)

Are there any good books / links on this?

dragondance 03-19-2008 02:15 PM

Re: How did you help child #1 "adjust" to the arrival of new baby?
 
Mine are exactly (exactly) 2 years apart and there was no transition. No issues at all.:thumbsup: I'll try to think if we did anything besides 1--talking about the baby coming (and she was in the NICU so we showed her pics too) and 2--lots of AP/loving parenting so she didn't feel threatened at all, but knew she was still #1 kid.

bfoster2000 03-19-2008 02:20 PM

Re: How did you help child #1 "adjust" to the arrival of new baby?
 
DJ was 25 months when James was born. I was nervous but he did fine! I had been crocheting a blanket for James while I was on bed rest before he was born and at some point, DJ stopped saying that the blanket was FOR his baby brother and started saying that the blanket WAS his baby brother. I figured it was just one of those two year old things. Well, when my parents brought DJ to the hospital after James was born, I was holding James wrapped in that blanket when they walked in. DJ looked at me and smiled and said "That's my baby brother." Then he looked closer and realized there was a baby in the blanket and gasped and announced to the world "OOooohhh! THAT'S my baby brother!" When my parents got ready to leave with DJ that evening, he was not too keen on leaving mommy and the baby at the hospital but he did settle down eventually. When we all got back home, I was really worried about DJ being jealous because he's a total mama's boy but he was so excited. He didn't want me to put the baby down EVER! And he didn't want Daddy holding him either...it had to be me. Since DJ still slept with us, I was a little concerned about bedtime and tried to make a point of making sure that James was asleep in the bassinet or swing before time to put DJ to bed but DJ wouldn't have that...he wanted "Baby James" to lay in the bed with us while he went to sleep. He was a little concerned about him nursing (even though he had only stopped nursing a couple of months before) but he eventually got over that and every time James even acted like he might fuss DJ would announce to the world that he wanted me to feed him my booby. :giggle:

Really, the first hint of jealousy I saw was when James was about 6 months old. I was changing DJ's diaper one day and James got fussy so I called out to him and told him I'd be there in just a minute. DJ yelled "Yeah, James, you have to wait a minute! It's my turn now!"

James is 1.5 now and DJ's 3.5 and they're normal siblings. If I'm paying too much attention to one, the other will get jealous and try to butt in, but for the most part they're fine. James has recently started using the potty and DJ's a little jealous of the attention he gets for that. He keeps saying "I can teetee in the potty too!" like it's no big deal.

Not long before James was born, there was a Franklin movie on Noggin about when Harriet was born and that was also right around the time that Dora's twin siblings were born so we talked about it some but overall, I think I was way more concerned than I needed to be. Good luck!

jensenlife 03-19-2008 02:26 PM

Re: How did you help child #1 "adjust" to the arrival of new baby?
 
:popcorn: dd#2 is due in 11 days and dd#1 is 17 months so it will be interesting. but i hope things go smoothly. i just keep think "im sure dd#1 will quickly forget it was ever just me and her and the adjustment will be fine"*sigh but we will see.

good post and good luck! ill let you know how it goes!:thumbsup:

dragondance 03-19-2008 02:26 PM

Re: How did you help child #1 "adjust" to the arrival of new baby?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by bfoster2000 (Post 3082967)
...he wanted "Baby James" to lay in the bed with us while he went to sleep. He was a little concerned about him nursing (even though he had only stopped nursing a couple of months before) but he eventually got over that and every time James even acted like he might fuss DJ would announce to the world that he wanted me to feed him my booby. :giggle:

:giggle: same here. Nothing like a 2-year-old calling out "Chloe need boob!" She tried to bf Chloe herself, too :giggle:

sourpatch_babe 03-19-2008 02:49 PM

Re: How did you help child #1 "adjust" to the arrival of new baby?
 
The Kid was 26 months when the baby was born. First thing that we did was move him into a toddler bed when he was 18 months (around the time we found out that we were pregnant) and closed up the crib so that he wouldn't associate it with him, kwim? Everynight I pray with him and started to add in the prayer "and bless baby daniel."

I tried to include him in as much of the baby preparation as I could. Showing him pictures of babies and telling him that one of those is in mommy's belly; u/s pics; baby stuff shopping. I talked to him often about the coming baby (more so the closer it got to my due date). When he first met the baby it was love at first sight, even if he does get a little too rough when playing with him. He did show a bit of jealousy, mostly wanting to play with me when I'm feeding the baby (he tells me to put the baby down), and wanted to be held a lot the first few weeks (it started when it dawned on him that the baby was here to stay:giggle:). That I believe was mostly because he was potty training around the same time and that he had mamma all to himself up till then. I've made sure that he gets plenty of alone time with me as well as play time with his brother. And I'm telling him things like, look! the baby is looking at you and smiling! he likes what you're doing, and so on and so forth. I think we've had a smooth transition and I can tell that they're going to be the best of friends. HTH

ttachuk 03-19-2008 03:12 PM

Re: How did you help child #1 "adjust" to the arrival of new baby?
 
My daughter was 22 months old when my son was born and we did have a few transition issues, but not very bad and not very long-lasting. Here are a few things we found worked to help prep her for baby's arrival and also after he was born.

1. Books: a few months before I was due I had found a book called "I'm a Big Sister" by Joanna Cole. It was fantastic! Great for her age level and really focuses on the good things about being older and helping with baby. My daughter loved it. There is a boy version too.

2. Baby doll- she could change/feed/burp baby when I changed/fed/burped the real baby. Not sure if a boy would be as interested but it could be a teddy, etc.

3. Box of stickers, books, toys, etc that she could play with when I was busy nursing Owen. They were things she only got to do when we were in Owen's room so they were special and held her attention.

4. When we were changing him etc. we would get her involved and let her make choices like the color diaper, which pjs, socks, onesie, etc. She loved this!


We had a bit of jealousy after Owen was born- whenever my husband did anything with Owen it would set Chloe off into a fit. We started using a sticker reward chart to reward her for when she was patient and calm when Daddy was with Owen- then after 5 stickers she got to go swimming with Daddy. We pretty much made sure she got the 5 stickers within a day or 2 because she was only 22 months and rewards needed to appear pretty quickly to work. After just 1 reward (swim) she was fine.


Hope this gives you a few ideas.

MelDM 03-19-2008 04:20 PM

Re: How did you help child #1 "adjust" to the arrival of new baby?
 
I'm due today and DD is 21 months old! I'll be back in a couple days and let you know how it's going :thumbsup:

emmiebaur 03-19-2008 04:44 PM

Re: How did you help child #1 "adjust" to the arrival of new baby?
 
DD was 24 months when DS was born and there were very few issues with us (even though DH was deployed so I was on my own!). We read "Big Sister Now: A Story About Me and Our New Baby" by Annette Sheldon and Karen Maizel which also has some suggestions in the back for how to help kids cope. I changed the names in the book to fit my own kids' names, lol. I also started playing with DD and her baby doll, doing things I'd be doing with DS when he was born and explaining them to her. We went in the baby's room a lot and showed DD where he'd sleep and talked about what she did as a baby. Some of my friends had newborns, so we hung around them a lot to try and get her used to babies. I'll never forget the first night we came home from the Hospital, I asked DD if she wanted her baby in bed. She said "yes" and reached for DS! That always makes me smile...
Sometimes she wanted my attention when I was nursing or something and that was hard. I tried to spend some one-on-one time with her at least once a day and read books with them both (DD loves books) to help her adjust to new routines while maintaining some things we always used to do. HTH!

aept 03-19-2008 07:17 PM

Re: How did you help child #1 "adjust" to the arrival of new baby?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MelDM (Post 3084007)
I'm due today and DD is 21 months old! I'll be back in a couple days and let you know how it's going :thumbsup:

Best wishes, mama!
My sister's b-day is tomorrow (3-20) - maybe your dc will have the same b-day!


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