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~sarah~ 06-11-2008 10:49 AM

"Bad" parenting or just different?
My stepdaughter and her baby are currently living with us. Hopefully they will be getting their own apartment around July 1st and moving out. She does things very differently than me. I guess I'm just wondering if it's really that "bad" or if it's just different. Some examples:

~Amy (the baby) takes most of her naps in her carseat in the house. She'll either hold her until she falls asleep then put her in there or else put her in the carseat and rock her until she falls asleep.

~For most of Amy's feedings she sets her in her carseat, puts her bottle in her mouth then puts blankets under it to hold it up, then goes and does whatever (usually that's outside to smoke and talk/text on the phone)

~She doesn't change her diaper anywhere near as often as I change Sean. But maybe the average sposie user goes several hours between diaper changes? :dunno:

~She is almost always dressing her in tank tops and shorts or skirts. We keep our house at 68 degrees. I usually wear sweats or pajama pants and at least a t-shirt or I'm too cold.

I don't want to start a "mommy war" with this post. I'm just hoping that maybe the things that I see as potentially "bad" parenting aren't really that bad and are more just different from what I prefer to do. So, TIA for keeping it civil! :goodvibes:

sourpatch_babe 06-11-2008 11:00 AM

Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?
Unfortunately a lot of sposie users don't change the diapers until they're sagging not realizing that they're supposed to be changed more frecuently. I hate seeing babies eating all alone in their carseats but it's so common that she may think it's the way it's supposed to be. I know that some FF friends of ours that do the same always get excited once their babies learn to hold their own bottles because it means that they have to keep checking them/fixing the bottles if they fall off the babie's mouths before they're done eating.

TJR2119 06-11-2008 11:02 AM

Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?
Falling asleep in the carseat isn't always a bad thing. Maybe the baby has reflux problems and sleeps better in the seat?

If Amy doesn't have any rashes then she might be getting changed enough. I definitely have to change Jayden more when he is in cloth vs. a sposie.

As for the clothes thing, does Amy's skin feel cold? Is she covered with a blanket? Jayden is a lot like me and has always been more hot then usual so I dress him according to how he is. Or perhaps your SD doesn't realize that Amy needs to dress a little warmer?

As for the feeding thing, I think that is way dangerous. Maybe you could offer to hold her and feed her? She is still so small and could possibly choke on her milk like that.


moonphishers 06-11-2008 11:02 AM

Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?
Well I think the bottle propping is abhorrent.

Does she have a place to put the baby to sleep other than the car seat? I mean lots of moms put babies to sleep in swings so *I* don't see how it's much different... (albeit it a hard habit to break)

The other stuff isn't so on top of it but it's what she does. Maybe you can pick on of them and suggest she alter the way she does it and suggest trying to do another way because of x, y, z reasons... but in the end, if she wasn't with you- you wouldn't know she does it this way... so what can you do :(

starbuckmom 06-11-2008 11:02 AM

Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?
Maybe she doesn't care or doesn't have a clue? Obviously she has more important things to do than to hold her dd and feed her.
Clothes: does she own anything else besides tanks and skirts? Maybe she just likes the look of tanks and skirts.

Who knows, but I would be worried for the dd. Sleeping all the time in the seat isn't good for her.

TLBW31 06-11-2008 11:04 AM

Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?
IMO unless the baby is in danger, I would not just come out and tell her she needs to be a better mom. I would throw a blanket on the baby if I thought she were cold or pick her up sometimes and offer to feed her for the sd. The best thing you can do is be a good example. PPL have very diff parenting styles and it sounds like she is not neglectful. I would be ready to kill if someone attacked my parenting skills. And almost all women are born thinking they are supposed to know automatically how to mother. That would just be the most horrible insult. Plus imagine how she would feel later on if she had a problem or needed advice.

mfnusz 06-11-2008 11:04 AM

Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?
i don't think any of those things are necessarily BAD. i've done 'em all at one time or another. with my first, who i only BF'd for a couple months, i would prop his bottle occasionally in order to get stuff done around the house. i don't think it's ideal but rarely are things always "ideal". and the carseat thing i don't see as any different than parents who let their child fall asleep in the swing. and my mom ALWAYS thinks i underdress my kids, but we are polar opposites: she is ALWAYS cold and i am more often than not warm. i dress my kids however i am dressed usually. if they feel cool to the touch to me, though, i'll throw a blanket or some more clothes on them.

Griffinsmom 06-11-2008 11:06 AM

Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?
You mean the little bucket car seat? I have no real issue with that - my babies LOVED their carseats when they were really little. My sister's lo couldn't sleep lying down when he was wee but slept great in his care seat-- I always wonder if he had some silent relux or something. I know think you do have to be a wee bit careful that they don't spend too much time in there or they can get flat heads.

You could always try putting warmer clothes on her baby (if you ever get to babysit or something) and see if she's happier. I always went by the rule of thumb that they need one more llight layer than we do. I hate seeing babies looking under dressed, but if she seems content? Maybe if she's fussing you could say "Hmm, I wonder if she's cold? I'm kind of chilly in here" or something inoffensive.

And yes, most sposie users change infrequently esp compared to cloth users. I good friend told me she uses 3-4 diapers per day :eek: I think the babies stay pretty dry- still gross- but I know sposie users that only feel they need to change for poo.

moonphishers 06-11-2008 11:07 AM

Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?
Here's another question... what does mom wear? I mean the general rule we're told is dress the baby how you're dressed - so if mom happened to hear that somewhere and she's dressed minimally, maybe she thinks baby is fine that is a possibility. Also, does she even have warmer clothing?

Kestlyn 06-11-2008 11:07 AM

Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?
I'd say mostly new Mom different. I did some of those things with my DS until I learned any better and I was pretty young at the time. I never left my DS alone with the bottle prop thing, but there were a couple of times that I propped it while doing the dishes etc. He was right next to me in a highchair. I'm giggling at the carseat thing because my DD slept in her carseat next to my bed for her first month! She was a last minute C-section and had this gugling thing because of fluid not getting pushed out of her lungs. I was sooooooo afraid she would drown on her own fluid that she was propped up every time she slept (we even propped her crib mattress for a few months). Anyway, feel free to put a word of wisdom in there now and again but try not to be offended if she doesn't take it well...she is the Mom and is learning like the rest of us:goodvibes:

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