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GrowingUpMad 10-08-2006 04:01 PM

So I thought the third baby............
was supposed to be the "good" one!! Boy am I looking stupid and seriously losing my case with dh. I insisted the 3rd is always the best and gave him tons of examples of people we knew. Lilly is so high maintenance!! Jim actually said "I am too old for this. She just fustrates me to no end" this weekend. He can't hold her for more than 5 minutes without losing it and then he is in the worst mood, sometimes for hours. He just shushs her all the time and asks what her problem is. My ds had bad colic until he was nearly 3 months old but then he was fine, not needy at all. Our older dd was fine until she was a few weeks old then she was a pain until about 3 months old. High needs after that though but no screaming. Lilly is by far the loudest screamer and only wants me. She LOVES her Moby wrap so she is constanly in that, can NEVER be put down. Needs constant motion even when sleeping.

As a lot of you know I felt like I was the only one excited about Lilly arriving and now I feel like I am the only one who likes her. I knew he loves her but he really can't stand to deal with her. He comes home from work and doesn't even go near her or pick her up, I have to hand off or remind him to hold her. He says it's that her prefers when they can walk and talk but he was far more loveable and into parenting with Madison.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make her less high maintenance and easy for dh to deal with? I don't mind wearing her and such but I would like to know that dh has a bond with her like he does the other 2. Is anyone's dh more partial towards one because of the others personality? I hope I am not alone, it's really upsetting sometimes.

nothing_butt_cloth 10-08-2006 04:04 PM

Re: So I thought the third baby............
No siggestions but big :hugs:
My second SCREAMED 24 hour a day 7 dyas a week for the first 7 months. to the point we were no longer ivited to even mymoms house... then one day it went away. She is still pretyt high maintenance. but that is her sprit and i love her for htat.
Just get buy each minute. wear her as much as you can and just love her.
It will get better!!!

urchin_grey 10-08-2006 04:37 PM

Re: So I thought the third baby............
Has your DH tried wearing her? That might work. At least for a little while. :)

GrowingUpMad 10-08-2006 04:45 PM

Re: So I thought the third baby............

Originally Posted by urchin_grey (Post 350867)
Has your DH tried wearing her? That might work. At least for a little while. :)

I tried but he is dead against it.

CarrieMF 10-08-2006 04:49 PM

Re: So I thought the third baby............
My third was our hardest baby. It was the opposite though, she wanted nothing to do with DH. If he'd hold her she'd scream until he put her down. I couldn't leave her with him at all. She didn't talk until she was 2 before that it was just sounds and it was always no to dad. If he tried taking her she'd cover her eyes or scowl/glare at him. She HATED him. She's 4.5 now and though she still prefers me has a good relationship with him. I would leave her with him and once I came home she'd be glued to me.

dirtdartwife 10-08-2006 05:05 PM

Re: So I thought the third baby............
Aww.. I'm sorry your DH feels that way. She might be feeling his vibes and not liking it. Kinda like how a dog can sense if someone is afraid of dogs?

And about the favorites due to personality... I'm guilty of that. I enjoy my middle more because she's more compliant, doesn't mouth off, and is generally an EASY kid. yes, she was soooo hard at first... colicky for 6 months! But holy cow is she an easy kid! My oldest and youngest are great too but very high needs, will cling to me all the time or when I least need a clingy child (IOW's going to the bathroom, kwim?) and they are just high energy. So yes... I understand that one.

I'm sure time will tell and he'll form a bond with his kids the way he feels comfortable. It's a shame though when he wants nothing to do with them (or it feels that way). My father doesn't care for infants or young toddlers... but boy does he have a ball with kids four and up! So it's their own personality that has to be worked around.

Good luck! :hugs: :hugs:

geckoed 10-08-2006 05:20 PM

Re: So I thought the third baby............
my 3rd was really easy, but only so long as he was "mine" He lived in my arms for the first year. Between 1 and 2 though my kids and my DH start to bond. Now my 3rd prefers daddy to me. But as a baby DH went WEEKS without touching him. Without even doing the diapers. I'm sorry its hard right now, but I think in time Lilly and DH will both come around

JustAugust 10-08-2006 08:42 PM

Re: So I thought the third baby............
My husband's been the same way. But now, at 6 months he's doing so much better with Jackson! Jack really changed from 3 to 4 months! He was suuuuuuper high maintenance before that. Now he's easygoing and fun, well... for the most part. lol.


lombardowa 10-08-2006 10:38 PM

Re: So I thought the third baby............
I went through the same thing with my ds. My husband wasn't completely sure he wanted a second baby, but agreed because it was what I wanted. Well, when my ds was VERY difficult at about 6 weeks, my husband didn't want anything to do with him. So, I started handing him ds only when the baby was falling asleep, so that dh wouldn't have to do anything. He slowly got more used to him and actually started enjoying him. I don't know how it will work for you, but it worked best right after nursing for me.I hope it gets better.

EmnJJsMom 10-08-2006 11:11 PM

Re: So I thought the third baby............
Ugh, I haven't read any other posts, but I understand where you're coming from. My first daughter had colic for about 2 weeks and it couldnt have really counted as "colic"

My second daughter on the otherhand, was a nonstop screamer, and when I mean scream, I mean make your ears ring scream! The only prob is, I'm a single mama, was shortly after I found out I was preg w/her. So I can't help you much w/the DH issue. I just wanted to tell you I understand what you're going through and how frustrating it is. Whenever you need to vent we are all here!

I think your DD is a DOLL btw, she looks a lot like my girls when they were born...must be all the hair!

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