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katzmark06 10-15-2006 02:08 PM

My out of control toddler... HELP
Ok... Vent

I think i am going crazy...

I cant get anything done, Big A (3 months) screams bloody mudererious screams every time he is put down, probably in fear of my lovely Elle(26 motnhs) who i cannot leave alone for 1 second because she pummels the poor guy.. She bit his fingers yesterday She also doesnt respond to ANY punishment, i have tried it all... As soon as i set down to feed him she starts ripping the house apart.. Jackets, playdoh , mail , anything she can get he little hands on is everywhere... I cannot take it anymore... I am at me wits end..... And dont even get me started on taking her in public.... or bedtime....GGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR

Any suggestions on how to control this lovely beast

Mindi 10-15-2006 02:23 PM

Re: My out of control toddler... HELP
If you get it figured out please let me know! My 3 year old and 22 month old are the same way :banghead:

MommaBelt 10-15-2006 02:54 PM

Re: My out of control toddler... HELP
Trust me I feel you on this one. I cannot take my kids anywhere, MY daughter is really a calm child and she just sits there and watches my son go last time I took them in the store my son repeatdly stood up in the cart, tried to climb out, touched people as we walked by, and while I dont regularly spank my kids, I did pinch his butt trying to get his attention ( not hard and it didnt even leave a red mark) but he dutifully let out a holler like I cracked him with a whip holding his butt screaming OWIE MOMMY OWIE needless to say we left early, before my shopping was done. I didnt mean to steal your thread, but just to try and relate.. I bet alot of us are right there with you Im watching for suggestions too

titania 10-15-2006 05:43 PM

Re: My out of control toddler... HELP
well, my kids are not that age yet, but i did work with preschoolers for a number of years. 2 things came to mind first--is she getting any alone time with you? i know that is hard to coordinate with what sounds like a high-needs infant. is there anyone who can take care of the baby while you take her to the park, or the library, or jsut out for a walk, or whatever it is she would like to do? i know, those suggestions probably sound ridiculous! LOL! but, whatever it is you think would work, yaknow? she needs to have some alone time with you. also, when you are nursing/feeding the baby, give her a task. some women give the toddler a bunch of baby onsies to snap, or read to her while you are nursing. does she have a video she likes to watch? maybe one she can only watch while the baby is nursing. don't be tempted to let her watch just a few more mins though.

the other thing i thought was is she getting enough sleep? you mentioned bedtime was a struggle. do you have a soothing, consistent bedtime routine? if not, now is the time to start. make it fun, personal, just for her time. as much as you can, that is. is her daddy home at that time? maybe he could put her to bed, or take care of the baby while you put her down. bath, reading, quiet play in her room, puzzles, a few songs maybe...just a few suggestions.

good luck dear. i can hear your frustration, and believe me, you are not alone. :hugs:

bobandjess99 10-15-2006 10:31 PM

Re: My out of control toddler... HELP
well..not that you can do anything about it, lol, but 2-2.5 is really the HARDEST time for a child to get a younger sibling...there is just so much going on for a 2 year old, and then being usurped and suddenyl taking a backseat to a new is difficult for the best of them, and VERY difficult for more sensitive/needy children. In terms of their own development, it is a time when they most need personal attention from a parent....testing their independence is scary, and they need your way more now than at 1 or 1.5.
You older child is acting out, pure and simple...

The problem can't do much about it...even if you gave her a full 50% of your time and energy (and, let's face it, she's probably getting quite a bit less than that) is still going to be SO MUCH LESS than what she was getting before, and so much less than what she optimaly needs.

the good news is......this will pass!

like the pp said..try to give as much attention...personal attention, as possible....and eventually, she will not only get used to the new sibling, but also simply grow out of the age/developmental state that she is currently in....

you picked a particularly difficult spacing in terms of older child adjustment......of course, with any child spacing, there are pros and cons, and each family has different needs.....but for this patrticular spacing, what you are going through is completely normal...many moms have gone through it, and you will (probably) live too. *smile*

You can try getting a routine, starting a special something with your older child..going to the park or ice cream store, anything, once a week or can try involving the older child in the younger child care...(please hand mommy the diaper, etc)...really encourage all the "big girl" things older child can do, that baby can't...."YOU get to color in your can't do that, etc.."

and again..just know that even if you didn';t have a new baby...this is just a difficult time for little humans in general..she would be going through difficulty no matter what..the new baby is just extra icing on the cake, lol!

MamaMel 10-16-2006 06:45 AM

Re: My out of control toddler... HELP
Im in the same situation as you. Are kids are the same age difference. My son is now 2.5 and my DD is now 7 months. Im really finding what he is responding to is gentle disipline. Its something though that you need to commit too b/c thats they only way they will respond.

Heres what I read in the disipline book by Dr. sears last night. If your DD is biting, have her bite herself (not to hard) so she knows that it hurts. At this age shes not fully understanding the consicounses of her actions. Also tell her that its not okay to bite but you can gently stroke his head or give him a gentle kiss. She may not know a way to play w/ her brother gently yet.

Also if she is making a big mess make her clean it up. Of course she probably wont but atleast make her stand next to you while you clean it up and let her know that if she makes a mess cleaning it up is what needs to happen. Does she have any special toys? If she does this behavior give her a warning. For example Honey if you dont stop hitting y our brother I will take your special bunny away. If she continues to hit say Honey I told you that if you didn't stop hitting your brother I would take your bunny away, now I am going to take him away, if you behave well the rest of the day you can have your bunny back

also throw your DS in a sling and spend time w/ ur DD. My DD is pretty high needs so for her naps she is in the ergo while I play w/ my DS and get some things done.

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