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-   -   Anyone follow Dr. John Rosemonds style of Parenting? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=582533)

tamarag 10-22-2008 07:43 AM

Anyone follow Dr. John Rosemonds style of Parenting?
 
Dr. John Rosemond style of parenting is very "old school" and traditional! He doesn't believe in letting kids watch T.V. When kids dis-obey he sends them to bed earlier per "doctors orders", when they really dis-obey he "kicks them out of the garden of Eden" so basically that means he strips their room of all their possesions for 14 days and then they gradually earn them back.

Does anyone follow his advice? He has several books. You can read more about him herehttp://rosemond.com/view/389/21528/About-John.html

I am having major issues with my very whiney, back talking 5 yr old! :banghead:

LilyGrace 10-22-2008 09:10 AM

Re: Anyone follow Dr. John Rosemonds style of Parenting?
 
I don't, because I feel that the consequences have to be logical or natural in order to hit home. I also feel that parent-centered books aren't really the answer, any more than child-centered books are. The best advice I've ever read comes from Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Islam, and every other religion/philosophy out there:

treat others as you would like to be treated.

That's it. It's simple, but it's effective. If you don't want it done to you, don't do it to your child. You don't feel that your dh taking away your possessions for two weeks is fair? That he's being too controlling? That it's a stupid way to tell you that you hurt his feelings? Same for a child. Size should make no difference in the amount of respect we give each other. If you need a hug when you are upset, but ignore your child until he stops tantrumming, on principle no less, then how do you teach him empathy?

mom23girls 10-22-2008 10:35 AM

Re: Anyone follow Dr. John Rosemonds style of Parenting?
 
We do to a degree with our older children. We use love -n- logic which teaches that there are reactions to their actions and that they might not like the action. I can say though that with my 9 year old I can see (almost literally) sometimes the following conversation swimming around her head: "Let's see, if I do XX YY will happen. Is it worth it? YES! I can just suffer through it". That might sound like the punishment is too leinent but I don't consider taking away her DS (which she LOVES) for a couple of days leinent - it's just that, with her personality, it IS worth it. Scary but true.

Some of his parenting styles are a bit harsh but some we use. My 12 year old went through this slamming the door thing when she was 10/11 and she was mad. We told her at least 10 times, DO NOT slam that door while she was hiking herself up the stairs and guess what? She slammed the door. Punishments were of no use, restriction, taking away things, etc. Finally, we used a Rosemond which was: We told her that a door was a privilege NOT a right and that, the next time she slammed it we were taking off the hinges and she could earn it back. So the next time she slammed it - you guessed it - right up the stairs my dh went and took it down. It stayed down for a month or so. It's never been slammed again.

I think it depends on the child and the situation. Most parenting has to be a combination of styles - especially with each child.

tamarag 10-24-2008 07:39 PM

Re: Anyone follow Dr. John Rosemonds style of Parenting?
 
Bumping up....anymore thoughts?


I agree that it depends on your child as to what type of punishment works. I know that when I was young I didn't have 1/4 of the things that my DD has. Maybe I have spoiled her...that is where I think that the whole "kicking them out of the garden" would work. I think that it would have a big enough impact that she would maybe stop talking back. What do you think?

iris0110 10-24-2008 08:23 PM

Re: Anyone follow Dr. John Rosemonds style of Parenting?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mom23girls (Post 5164251)
We do to a degree with our older children. We use love -n- logic which teaches that there are reactions to their actions and that they might not like the action. I can say though that with my 9 year old I can see (almost literally) sometimes the following conversation swimming around her head: "Let's see, if I do XX YY will happen. Is it worth it? YES! I can just suffer through it". That might sound like the punishment is too leinent but I don't consider taking away her DS (which she LOVES) for a couple of days leinent - it's just that, with her personality, it IS worth it. Scary but true.

Some of his parenting styles are a bit harsh but some we use. My 12 year old went through this slamming the door thing when she was 10/11 and she was mad. We told her at least 10 times, DO NOT slam that door while she was hiking herself up the stairs and guess what? She slammed the door. Punishments were of no use, restriction, taking away things, etc. Finally, we used a Rosemond which was: We told her that a door was a privilege NOT a right and that, the next time she slammed it we were taking off the hinges and she could earn it back. So the next time she slammed it - you guessed it - right up the stairs my dh went and took it down. It stayed down for a month or so. It's never been slammed again.

I think it depends on the child and the situation. Most parenting has to be a combination of styles - especially with each child.

To me taking a door off the hinges because of door slamming follows a more natural path than say removing all of a child's belongings because they back talked you. A natural consequence of slamming the door might be the door breaking and the child no longer having a door, or the child being hurt in the door. As a parent we want to protect our child from that extreme of an outcome so we give them a slightly lesser consequence. The door isn't permanently damaged, and they are protected from physical harm, but the see what happens if they don't care for their property. And so they can think through the process next time. Just as your dh knows that he can't slam a door in a fit of anger because he knows if he does it he will have to repair the damage he causes. Now maybe some day he would be angry enough to not care, we all can be overwhelmed sometimes, but he knows the consequences nature puts in place. As parents we have to guide our children through these consequences. I do this even with my youngest. A natural consequence of him slamming his favorite toy against a wall in anger might be his toy being broken (or a hole in my wall), but instead I take the toy away for a time out, he can have it back when he is calmer. A natural consequence of not caring for your posessions is that your possessions get destroyed or lost.

AS far as the particular method posted about, I don't like to use punitive parenting approaches. I prefer to stick to more natural parenting techniques where possible. And I would never use a Christian based discipline tool.

snangel 10-24-2008 11:22 PM

Re: Anyone follow Dr. John Rosemonds style of Parenting?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by LilyGrace (Post 5163178)
I don't, because I feel that the consequences have to be logical or natural in order to hit home. I also feel that parent-centered books aren't really the answer, any more than child-centered books are. The best advice I've ever read comes from Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Islam, and every other religion/philosophy out there:

treat others as you would like to be treated.

That's it. It's simple, but it's effective. If you don't want it done to you, don't do it to your child. You don't feel that your dh taking away your possessions for two weeks is fair? That he's being too controlling? That it's a stupid way to tell you that you hurt his feelings? Same for a child. Size should make no difference in the amount of respect we give each other. If you need a hug when you are upset, but ignore your child until he stops tantrumming, on principle no less, then how do you teach him empathy?

Quote:

Originally Posted by iris0110 (Post 5192453)
To me taking a door off the hinges because of door slamming follows a more natural path than say removing all of a child's belongings because they back talked you. A natural consequence of slamming the door might be the door breaking and the child no longer having a door, or the child being hurt in the door. As a parent we want to protect our child from that extreme of an outcome so we give them a slightly lesser consequence. The door isn't permanently damaged, and they are protected from physical harm, but the see what happens if they don't care for their property. And so they can think through the process next time. Just as your dh knows that he can't slam a door in a fit of anger because he knows if he does it he will have to repair the damage he causes. Now maybe some day he would be angry enough to not care, we all can be overwhelmed sometimes, but he knows the consequences nature puts in place. As parents we have to guide our children through these consequences. I do this even with my youngest. A natural consequence of him slamming his favorite toy against a wall in anger might be his toy being broken (or a hole in my wall), but instead I take the toy away for a time out, he can have it back when he is calmer. A natural consequence of not caring for your posessions is that your possessions get destroyed or lost.

AS far as the particular method posted about, I don't like to use punitive parenting approaches. I prefer to stick to more natural parenting techniques where possible. And I would never use a Christian based discipline tool.

I absolutely agree

shelbell 10-25-2008 09:19 AM

Re: Anyone follow Dr. John Rosemonds style of Parenting?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by LilyGrace (Post 5163178)
I don't, because I feel that the consequences have to be logical or natural in order to hit home. I also feel that parent-centered books aren't really the answer, any more than child-centered books are. The best advice I've ever read comes from Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Islam, and every other religion/philosophy out there:

treat others as you would like to be treated.

That's it. It's simple, but it's effective. If you don't want it done to you, don't do it to your child. You don't feel that your dh taking away your possessions for two weeks is fair? That he's being too controlling? That it's a stupid way to tell you that you hurt his feelings? Same for a child. Size should make no difference in the amount of respect we give each other. If you need a hug when you are upset, but ignore your child until he stops tantrumming, on principle no less, then how do you teach him empathy?

ITA, yet again with Lilygrace. Natural consequences make a big impact.

clechatelier 10-25-2008 03:30 PM

Re: Anyone follow Dr. John Rosemonds style of Parenting?
 
Even though DD is still very young, I read Rosemond's column every week and agree with a lot of his logic. I too think he is VERY old-school, but would like to try his methods once my children are old enough. I taught school for a few years before DD's birth and observed many behavioral issues he writes about. Plus I don't agree with a lot of the so-called "modern" techniques of raising kids that are being pushed today.

I guess we'll see what happens, since like pp said, every kid is different!

tamarag 10-27-2008 04:57 PM

Re: Anyone follow Dr. John Rosemonds style of Parenting?
 
I agree that the punishment should fit the crime! Throw the toy...take it away. But how do you punish a 5 yo that has a mouth like a teenager! :banghead: Or how do you treat the tantrums or dropping on the floor when something doesn't go exactly her way?! :banghead:

LilyGrace 10-27-2008 05:31 PM

Re: Anyone follow Dr. John Rosemonds style of Parenting?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tamarag (Post 5215150)
I agree that the punishment should fit the crime! Throw the toy...take it away. But how do you punish a 5 yo that has a mouth like a teenager! :banghead: Or how do you treat the tantrums or dropping on the floor when something doesn't go exactly her way?! :banghead:

The Mouth - you are a person, deserving of respect because you ARE a person. If that respect is not given, you are not obligated to stand there and take the abuse. You are allowed to preserve your dignity and your respect for yourself by saying "I don't like to be talked to that way." and leaving, or ignoring the offender. When the request is made politely, then you respond in kind. If The Mouth is in response to being asked to do something, a rephrase is often in order - anything from a simple "excuse me?" to "I know you are angry, but I won't stand here and listen to that. I'll be glad to talk with you about it later."


The Tantrum - your child is a person, deserving of respect because she IS a person. Tantrums are a way of letting off steam and showing our emotions. They need guidance and care, love and understanding. A child learning to control these emotions will slip and need someone to help her learn to calm down, or find other outlets like a journal (written or drawn), playing with dolls, bean bags, or quiet time to reflect. They need help with that - it's not an intuitive trait for most of us, though we all find ways to cope eventually. Talking about it and reflecting her feelings helps her calm down just like you telling your best friend about your sucky day and her joining in with your groans and exclamations. Children need the shoulder that adults get without thinking about it. It's okay to be upset, and it's okay to help her learn how to deal with that upset.


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