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Irishmommy 05-15-2006 08:07 PM

Vent about MIL
Why is it that my mil thinks I am doing myself and my dd an injustice because I don't give her a bottle? I don't understand it. Do I tell her what an "injustice" it was that she didn't nurse her sons (no I don't)! I just find it VERY irritating when people judge you for your choices? I might disagree with someone's choices; but I would NEVER criticize them for doing what they feel is best for them/their child! I have just bitten my tongue thus far; but I am really fed up with her lately. Can someone give me a polite reply to her, so that I don't really get myself into trouble? I want to say something like, "She is NOT BOTTLE FED, get over it!" But, I think that is a little strong, :smiley_haha:

SheilaJoy 05-15-2006 08:12 PM

Re: Vent about MIL
"Breastmilk is far superior to any man-made formula. BM provides so many nutrients and antibodies for the baby that cannot be duplicated in formula, including 160 fatty acids. By providing her with BM, I am giving her greater protection against asthma, obesity, diabetes, cancer, pneumonia and ear infections. Not to mention all the chemical and bacterial contaminants present in formula."

You can just flat out ask her: Why do you want me to give her a bottle? and see what she says.

lisahas2cats 05-15-2006 08:43 PM

Re: Vent about MIL
Look puzzled and say "Why on earth would I give her an inferior food from an inferior container?". Look at her with the expectation that she'll give a rational answer. Try not to smirk when she stammers.

Or simply "Why on earth would I do that?". Wait for an answer. If she answers with "So you can have some time DD can stay with others so you can have a break (which is probably the REAL issue....she wants the baby for a while without Mommy) baby can learn independence", say "Childhood is too short. We're not in a hurry". Smile.

Or, if you can be in a situation where there are several people around, including your MIL, make it a point to be in a conversation about your baby with someone else so your MIL can hear. Make a general statement about how you just don't understand why anyone who didn't physically have to would choose not to breastfeed, and how using bottles doesn't allow a child's mouth/teeth/palate to develop properly. Say how proud you are of yourself for taking on the challenge, and how sad you are for friends who get flack from family because they don't give bottles. Say it all in sincere tones.

stephdpn 05-15-2006 08:45 PM

Re: Vent about MIL
Oh, I got that too, from MIL - she felt like she was missing out b/c she didn't get to feed him. No - I thought - you are missing out because you never come see him! BUT that's another story.

Even now, she doesn't understand why I won't wean so he can come stay at her house - um NO WAY IN H*LL is that gonna happen!

SheilaJoy 05-15-2006 09:41 PM

Re: Vent about MIL

Originally Posted by stephdpn
Oh, I got that too, from MIL - she felt like she was missing out b/c she didn't get to feed him. No - I thought - you are missing out because you never come see him! BUT that's another story.

Even now, she doesn't understand why I won't wean so he can come stay at her house - um NO WAY IN H*LL is that gonna happen!

My SIL wants me to wean so we can go out to the movies together again! :rolleyes:

Irishmommy 05-16-2006 07:41 AM

Re: Vent about MIL
She isn't so hung up about the formula thing, it is that I don't get to "get away" since she is "always nursing". I also make the mistake of complaining to her sometimes that I don't have a life and I guess it just fuels her fire. She doesn't seem to understand that, yeah I complain sometimes, BUT I WOULDN'T CHANGE IT FOR THE WORLD. I just have to learn to keep my mouth shut around her. Also, she thinks it is terrible that dh and I don't get to go out by ourselves. She dropped her kids off at the grandparents' house once a week for datenight so she thinks we should do the same. I was complaining to her recently that dh has never taken the two kids anywhere by himself and she said, "You know, sometime after the kids are asleep you should just go to the grocery store all by yourself." I said, "Oh, no I love taking my kids with me places, I just don't want to be criticized or advized by someone who doesn't." I'm still not sure if she got it or not. I honestly can't imagine going to the store by myself, it just wouldn't be as much fun.

I also told her once, when she asked me when I was going to wean dd, that I didn't have the chance to nurse Emily (my dd I lost) and I planned on enjoying nursing Caitlyn as long as she wanted. I think that really go her goat.

tatumsmom 05-16-2006 08:16 AM

Re: Vent about MIL
Stay strong and continue to stand your ground! I have the same problem, but with my own mother. Ironically, my MIL is the supportive one. Ppl criticize things that are foreign to them. I know that my mom gives me a hard time because she does not understand the amazing bond that dd and I have cultivated as a result of bf. I just do not see why they think feeding with a bottle is their only way the connect with their grandchild. There are numerous other activities which babies enjoy to allow them to build a relationship. My mom even goes as far as purchasing every type of bottle on the market in hopes that my dd will take one so that she can fed her. Dd gets so upset each and every time she attempts it, but she is determined to get her to take one. I am hoping that eventually she will just give up.

yellowcampcat 05-16-2006 09:56 AM

Re: Vent about MIL
I agree with the pp's who said that #1 she is probably just trying to get your dd to herself for awhile and #2 she criticizes things she doesnt understand or didn't get a chance to do b/c it makes her feel better about herself.
I have tons of issues with my MIL. She was always asking when I was going to wean. Now she wants to know when I am going to cut dd's hair!
My dh is the youngest of her 4 boys, and I seriously think that mothers who have only sons freak out when the sons get married because they feel they've lost them. (And in some senses, maybe that feeling is justified...I know I have a much closer relationship to my mom than dh ever will.) She needs to get over it, though,and get a new hobby!:laugh:

greenkmt 05-17-2006 07:48 PM

Re: Vent about MIL
What is your MIL's name, I think we have the exact same one! heeheeheehee ROTFL! Just hang in there my son is 19 months and we keep it up with all of the rebukes. Just know that is the best thing for YOUR baby. It is your baby, tell her if she wants one to go and have one.

hockeymom6201 05-17-2006 07:50 PM

Re: Vent about MIL
MIL's S*U*C*K haha

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