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-   -   how do/did you discipline 18 mo. for hitting? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=666658)

hippy pippy 02-09-2009 07:26 AM

how do/did you discipline 18 mo. for hitting?
 
my dd is almost 18 months. she has 3 older siblings. she has just started hitting, but it's mostly just at dh & i when we're not letting her do something she wants to. honestly she has been given everything she wants/needs to this point, but now that she's endangering herself, she's told no. she doesn't want to hear that! my other children didn't act like this at all. i just tried putting her in a "break" on the bottom step for a little bit and told her why, but i have no idea if that'll work. what did you do? thanks mamas :goodvibes:

eta: we've tried holding her hand and saying "we don't hit, it's not nice and it hurts. please don't hit". clearly, that hasn't worked.

JustAugust 02-09-2009 07:48 AM

Re: how do/did you discipline 18 mo. for hitting?
 
I would basically just keep doing what you're doing. Sometimes it takes a while for things to set in. I would just say in a very stern voice, "No mam, we do not hit! Hitting hurts!" and if she continues to hit, put her in time out. Mostly we try to head it off, if you can see she's about to hit, do that "uh-uh-uh-uh-uh" sound... most of the time it works here. I do that and he stops himself and then I just tell him "Remember, hitting isn't nice, let's be gentle."

Ami in Deutschland 02-09-2009 09:44 AM

Re: how do/did you discipline 18 mo. for hitting?
 
OK, I'm too lazy to write my own advice, so I'll refer to an old post from LilyGrace, whose parenting advice has been one of my favorite things to read here on Diaper Swappers. Biggest key I learned for my ODS is: redirect, redirect, redirect. There has to be something more interesting for your child to do than hit, so remind them what that thing is. I use the "nice touch" reminder with my ODS and move his hand to to pet me if he tries to hit. Somehow, he's learned that it is not OK to hit Mommy (but it is OK to hit Daddy, since Daddy usually laughs or says "ow" when he does it).

greek4 02-09-2009 09:48 AM

Re: how do/did you discipline 18 mo. for hitting?
 
We put DH away from us or put him down. Then say 'We don't hit, hitting is bad.' Then he has to sit in time out, when he is done, he apologizes and we go back to doing whatever we were doing.

findingstrength 02-09-2009 09:53 AM

Re: how do/did you discipline 18 mo. for hitting?
 
I've always had the kids do a "time-in" with me. Not time out, as in you go away by yourself. But you sit next to mom on the sofa until you are calm and can act appropritely.

Rainshine Designs 02-15-2009 10:16 PM

Re: how do/did you discipline 18 mo. for hitting?
 
I'm having this problem with my 14 month old DD also. She hits me and DH when we tell her no. I've been telling her in a stern voice that hitting isn't nice, that she needs to be nice (which she understands perfectly well because she "pets" you when she's being "nice") but she still hits us a LOT! I'll move her away from me to try to show her that I won't accept that kind of behavior, like put her down off my lap onto the floor. What else can I do?
This is all so new to me because I can count on one hand how many times I've had to discipline my older DD in her 12 years!
I'm hoping it's just a phase, please tell me it's just a phase!

shelbell 02-16-2009 06:16 AM

Re: how do/did you discipline 18 mo. for hitting?
 
My dd is 17 months and hits sometimes too. I don't think that kids that age understand the concept of "no" yet so we say things like "We keep our hands to ourselves" or "Ow, soft touch please" and then show her soft touch. It takes FOREVER for them to get it but they will get it.

AnnaG01 02-16-2009 07:35 AM

Re: how do/did you discipline 18 mo. for hitting?
 
I used to do all sorts of methods thinking that I could train my DS or keep him from doing it, or teach him...but really it was a process that has taken years (yikes), and he finally at 4 years old knows better and will not hit and tell if another child hits. I would just keep doing what you're doing. We used a lot of hand holding when he hit, I'd grab them and say "hands are for loving, rubbing, and being sweet" and I'd rub his hands on my face, etc...I used redirection, and away time...I wouldn't play with him if he didn't have nice hands...I just don't think they fully comprehend it at that age.

tollers29 02-16-2009 11:04 AM

Re: how do/did you discipline 18 mo. for hitting?
 
A couple things:

1. Hitting is partially about experimentation with cause/effect. "If I hit X, what will X do?" So they do the same behavior dozens of times to see if X does the same thing every time. If so, then LO learns that "If I hit X, X does Y."

2. One of the things they learn, especially if you verbally and physically communicate it, is that X feels sad/hurt/upset. This isn't obvious to a small LO. Until they're a bit more mature, they don't fully understand that other people and things have feelings or any other kind of "inner life". So experimenting with hitting is a way of learning about the emotional universe around them. A positive spin on it would be to think about how your LO is becoming less narcissistic, LOL.

3. You can help them learn quicker by making the 'effect' explicit and repeating, repeating, repeating, with as much consistency as possible.

4. Abstract words like "bad" aren't generally as effective as "sad" or "cry" because little ones aren't terrific with abstractions yet.

5. Redirect, redirect, redirect immediately per the PP.

6. I've also found it helpful to *always* pair a sanction (when necessary -- I try not to phrase things using 'no' at all) with a preferred alterntive. So you might say somethign like "We don't hit. Hitting hurts mommy and makes her sad. Can you ask mommy to share with you?" or whatever. I find this works really well with frustration behaviors like hitting, kicking, crying, etc. -- "Do you need help? Can you ask for help instead of kicking?" The sooner the word "help" shows up in their vocabulary, the quicker you get through the tantrum phase in my experience... :)

tollers29 02-16-2009 11:09 AM

Re: how do/did you discipline 18 mo. for hitting?
 
Oh, and asking them to verbalize while making eye contact with you is a way of partially redirecting them. So a lot of bang for the buck.

When DS got a bit older and the meaning of the behavior changed, I started putting him on the stair for the equivalent of a time-out. But not till he was closer to 2yo and I knew he knew what hitting what all about, if you follow me. But he had grown out of it by then, for the most part.

Sorry, typing fast...!


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