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-   -   What do I do? How do I handle him? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=86342)

MommaRhi 01-16-2007 09:15 PM

What do I do? How do I handle him?
 
My 2 yr old that is. Well, he will be 3 in May. He's become VERY defiant and mouthy. He calls people "doofus" or if I am trying to be calm and talk to him, he tells me "don't talk to me" all this while screaming. He throws tantrums, will fling his body to and fro, pound his feet, hit, he's even bit my dh because dh was laying on my his pillow and because it was "his" pillow, he got mad and bit him!
He bit my older son yesterday too ( i wasnt home so I dont know for what reason). He's also been saying "penis" and "poop" and he just thinks its funny to do bad things. He throws things down the stairs, will spit his drinks out on the couch or floor, or on my son. He rips papers up, puts stuff in the dog water or toilet. If he wants something he WANTS it and if you say no, watch out!
Sometimes it almost seems easier to give in than to fight with him. I have resorted to a dab of hot sauce in his mouth when he says naughty things because he doesnt like the taste, but I know thats only temporary and to be honest, I don't want to carry hot sauce w/ me everywhere. :laugh:

Tonight at bed, I knew he was tired so I brought him upstairs to lay with him and he was jumping around the bed, rolling around, talking, laughing, playing. If I told him to lay still, he hit me and said "don't talk to me" and would continue on playing. I picked him up to put him in his bed (next to ours) and he sat up and put his pillow and blanket on the floor. I picked them up, and layed him down on it, and he did the same thing. It's been a struggle to get him to bed, and its getting to me. All of it is getting to me to be honest.

I got upset w/ him tonight and laid him on the bed after giving him a spankin on the butt, and I left the room to let him regain his composure and myself as well. For the record, it was a quick swat, not a beating. When I was outside the door, I heard him talking to himself and he was trying to fix the pillows on my bed but couldnt get them right so he was getting upset. I heard him mumble something, call me a doofus, and then he said "me ok, me ok" and that broke my heart. I felt like I really hurt him or scared him by yelling at him and giving him that spank, but after being in there w/ him for an hour, yes, an hour, I was beginning to lose it.
I opened the door and went to him and hugged him (which dh says for me not to do because I can't get my point across by spanking him and then babying him). I hugged him and started crying, and told him that he gets me upset when he yells at me and says not so nice things to me, and doesn't listen to me. He hugged me and said "you ok mommy, you ok" and he told me to not be sad and he was holding my face. At that point I felt that HE was being the adult in the situation, kwim?

So, I am asking for desperate advice here. How do I deal w/ my terrible 2, almost 3 toddler? How do I get him to not yell, hit, bite and give me grief at bedtime. oh yeah, and to stop saying not so nice things?

You'd think that being a mom of 3 I'd know everything but my other 2 weren't like this!!

For The Love Of Cloth 01-16-2007 09:25 PM

Re: What do I do? How do I handle him?
 
Hi Rhi!

I'm not much help, because as much as I want to be

:loveit:

I'm more like

:gonnagetit:

and

:rant:

and my kids are like

:canthearyou:

The only thing I can say is blah blah blah. Be consistent, try to find a positive reward system. My son actually responds to reward charts as long as there's something tangible at the end as a reward. At 2-3 we both spent a lot of time in time out. I read 1 2 3 magic and it worked well with the not responding loudly to him but quietly and consistantly taking him to timeout in his room, where he could still play but be removed from the bad behavior.

Hope you both find a middle ground soon. Sounds like you have a very strong character on your hands. That can be a really good thing!

MommaRhi 01-16-2007 09:34 PM

Re: What do I do? How do I handle him?
 
he really is a sweet mama's boy. It makes me sad to see this demon side of him. lol
If I put him in time out, he doesn't stay. We have a time out corner and if i put him in it, he tells me he doesn't want to go in that corner, he wants to go in the other one, and then he gradualy starts to inch out of the corner and then ends up out. If i put him back in, its back to the screaming.
We've tried telling him that he needs to say 'sorry' to whomever he acts out to once he's out of time out, but thats hit or miss.
When he does do something good and positive, I do tell him "good job, thanks for helping mama" or 'good job, thanks for picking up the toys" etc.. and he makes me give him a High 5. lol

loni1090 01-16-2007 09:57 PM

Re: What do I do? How do I handle him?
 
We do the time out chair. It worked for us even with Donovan's speech problems. And if he keeps getting out of it, don't talk to him, just put him back and walk away.
Do not make it a game. It seems like he is making the time out a game. If you see him getting off, just put him back and ignore him and just keep doing it until he stays (bad part is it might take a bit).
If he gets you mad or any reaction from you, then he will play that game.
I know it is hard, but just try to stay calm and do not let him get a rise out of you.
And if he swears or says something inappropriate, back to the time out chair.

Good luck and sorry you have to go through this.

Leininger27 01-16-2007 10:07 PM

Re: What do I do? How do I handle him?
 
:hugs: Mama. I am right there with you except it is my dd. I don't know what is wrong with her, but I am beginning to think there is something seriously wrong. She cusses (which we don't), hits, throws, bites, pretty much anything to HURT someone else!
I have tried every discipline with the child and NOTHING works! Time outs don't work. As soon as I let her out it isn't even 5 mintues and she has already hurt one of her brothers. :banghead: This goes on ALL day!!!
I tried putting her in school (preschool) to get a break from her and hoping it would help some, but she was TERRIBLE there and would hurt kids there!!! :cry:
Just know you aren't alone. I hope it gets better for you. My dd tuned 4 in Oct. and it started when she was 18M. Everyone said it was the terrible 2's, but that was 2 yrs ago. Now what excuse is it???????

ETA: I started to think I was a bad mom, but my boys don't act like that. They are complete opposites of her and we have treated them all the same and loved them all the same so I am beginning to think it is HER personality, which really scares me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

camdensmommy 01-16-2007 11:34 PM

Re: What do I do? How do I handle him?
 
I really recommend the book Boundaries with Children. Excellent, excellent book. It is Christian based and sometimes the biblical references get a little overwhelming but if you can ignore those the information is really good. There are also lots of other books I recommend. you can certainly PM me with any interest.

Another suggestion (and this is for some of the other mamas that mentioned behavior) is to examine their diet. Seriously, diet can play a huge role in misbehavior. You'd be surprised. Check out www.feingold.org for eliminating food dyes and other chemicals from their diet. By eliminating red #40 from my daughters diet we saw AMAZING improvement.

mistylaureena 01-16-2007 11:36 PM

Re: What do I do? How do I handle him?
 
Call the SUPER NANNY:giggle:

Just kidding...mama I don't have any advice just lots :hugs: :hugs:

My little guy just turned a year old and Im sure Ill be in your shoes soon enough I hope you find your answers:goodvibes:

MommaRhi 01-17-2007 09:37 AM

Re: What do I do? How do I handle him?
 
Yeah, believe me, Super Nanny came to mind!

thanks ladies. I will look at that link too, to try diff. diet things. My thinking is, he needs to nap but if he does, he gets this way because if he naps then he's up late and wakes up early in the a.m. and then gets crabby.

Time out sorta worked this morning. I also made him pick up a toy that he knocked down accidentially off a table upstairs. I asked him nicely to pick it up, he refused. I helped him pick it up and place it on the table, and then he took it off and put it back on the floor! I asked him again to get it, he refused. I told him he couldn't have his donut til he picked it up and he didnt care. I did raise my voice and he still didnt care. I walked away to cool off and tried again later.

I ended up putting him in his brothers room for time out for 2 mins because he wouldnt go in the corner at our normal time out spot, he kept getting out. BUT he doesnt like being upstairs alone. I put him in there and closed the door and he said "oooh nooo!" and I knew he didnt like it. After 2 mins I went to get him, and the door was open and he was in his sisters room playing play doh! lol He said "no time out Nick room, time out Skyler room" lol
Then he said "lets hug" He's so sweet. I asked him again to pick up the gun, and I went downstairs. I heard some commotion upstairs and I peeked, and he had FINALLY picked the toy gun up and put it on the table!

I went to check on him and said "did you put the toy up?" and he said "mmmm" and shook his head no, but I saw it was on the table. I pointed to it and said "did you do that? Did you pick it up? Thats a good boy, thanks for listening" and I hugged him, and he smiled. So, it took about an hour lol but he finally succomed to me, and got his donut! lol

For The Love Of Cloth 01-17-2007 10:21 AM

Re: What do I do? How do I handle him?
 
WTG!

jenn5388 01-17-2007 11:04 AM

Re: What do I do? How do I handle him?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by camdensmommy (Post 641586)
I really recommend the book Boundaries with Children. Excellent, excellent book. It is Christian based and sometimes the biblical references get a little overwhelming but if you can ignore those the information is really good. There are also lots of other books I recommend. you can certainly PM me with any interest.

Another suggestion (and this is for some of the other mamas that mentioned behavior) is to examine their diet. Seriously, diet can play a huge role in misbehavior. You'd be surprised. Check out www.feingold.org for eliminating food dyes and other chemicals from their diet. By eliminating red #40 from my daughters diet we saw AMAZING improvement.

Thanks for the link to the diet, I have a friend who has a child that is Beyond horrible as she puts it. He does the same kind of stuff as the OP's child does. I hope maybe a different diet will help him. :)

I'm even thinking of trying it with miranda. :)


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