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-   -   anyone else scared about having the baby? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=955792)

countrymomto3 03-26-2010 11:41 AM

anyone else scared about having the baby?
 
So this is my 3rd and I am not scared of the actual birth process but what will happen when baby comes home.

With my first I was 21 so kinda young but I have a big family and they were so excited and bought tons of stuff. Baby was spoiled. I knew I was preggo before I tested.

2nd was 14 mths after the first I was 22. I was nervous about having two so close together but very excited from the day the test turned positive. I also had a feeling I was preggo before I tested.

I wanted more kids but not right away and I tried BC but it made me so sick so we used the pull out method.

So fast forward to this baby. 24 years old. I had not had a period so I tested twice and no pregnancy. I kept telling myself I was just stressed. Then another mth no period. Everyone was saying your pregnant so I bought another test of course it was positive and I sat on the steps and cried and cried.

I called my mom. I did not want to be pregnant right then. I cried to DH but what options were there. we were not responsible. I held off going to the DR until around 19 weeks. I kept telling myself I was not pregnant. Then I felt the baby kick and I knew it was real and I had to see a Dr.

The whole time I have not been excited like with the other babies. Ultrasound day was the first time I found myself smiling at the thought of another baby. I have been buying diapers and clothes ect.... but it is still not real exciting.

I am scared to death to bring this baby home. I am afraid that everything will go bad. I am kinda OCD with my house. I hate a mess, hate clutter and I clean my butt off all day. My dh has got used to this what if he comes home and I have puke in my hair the house is a mess and dinner is burning.

He works about 70hrs a week so he is not much help. He is a good man and always telling me to slow down but I am terrified. I have a big family but they rarely come around so I have no help.

I feel like a horrible mom, who is not excited about a baby?

dressagemom 04-08-2010 10:00 AM

Re: anyone else scared about having the baby?
 
Hugs mama, I can totally relate. I just had baby #5, and felt the same way through my whole pregnancy. I was about 5 months before I started telling people, except for a very few very close friends and DH. It is ok to feel anxious and worried about it, it is ok to not know how you are going to deal with everything, it is ok to feel stressed about adding another baby. You already have two littles, and it is hard to think about the work of another.

However, I want to encourage you to not dwell on feeling overwhelmed. Allow the feelings to come, acknowledge them, and let them go. Try to take each day as it comes, and not worry about tomorrow or next month. Make a list of things that you would like to be done when the baby is born, and think about how/when you want to accomplish them. If you can afford it, hire a housecleaner for at least the first few months after the baby is born. Put some meals in the freezer so you don't have to think too hard about feeding your family. Line up a babysitter or make arrangements with your family to help you after baby is born.

I can relate to DH not being much help. My DH works a LOT (he is the business owner, so it all falls on him in the end), he travels at least one week each month, sometimes more, and he is always on call, even at home. However, he does try to be available to help when he is home on the weekends, and will usually take over bedtime. Other than that, I just sort of muddle through it all. I know it will improve, it just takes time.

I bet if you talked with your DH about it, he would tell you it is more important to him that you are rested (as much as you can, lol), and loving on your (his) children than have a perfectly clean house and terrific meals every day. It's ok to lower your expectations for awhile. Relax and let some stuff go, your children won't remember that part of their childhood. Be gentle with yourself!


Oh, and what helped me the absolute most was taking a Hypnobirthing class. I got a few hours each week for 5 weeks to just think about me and my baby in a totally positive light, and to just relax! It was the only thing that made it possible to enjoy the last part of my pregnancy. The nice side benefit was that my birth was awesome! I highly recommend something similar.

sarahakamommy 06-28-2010 02:06 PM

Re: anyone else scared about having the baby?
 
This will be baby number 5 for us. It wasn't planned, and we are both full time students living in my FIL's rental property (rent and utility free) so I'm terrified to tell our extended family. It's overwhelming, actually. We finally told our kids because I've been losing weight but my bump keeps getting bigger so it's quite noticeable.

I hope that once the fallout from telling my inlaws and parents is over I can focus on getting more excited. Thankfully the kids are all pretty pumped. DH is excited though he did think I should consider and abortion at first. Our sex life has become non-existant, I think I somehow worry I'll get "more pregnant" or something?

My house is a wasteland. My laundry is out of control, we share a basement laundry here at my FIL's rental which is a big old Tudor turned tri-plex so I can't wash everyday. With a family of 6 I really NEED to wash everyday. Good luck with CDing, huh?

So, I do feel your anxiety. I have a hard time sleeping just thinking about how I'm going to manage it all. Plus, the baby pushes back my estimated time line for graduation and that means living here longer.

I also have a history of post-partum depression, so that leaves me feeling quite nervous. For me, the longer I nurse the worse it gets. Hormones get all out of whack for me. I'm seriously contemplating supplementing with formula this time because of the depression.

beckstar 06-30-2010 01:08 PM

Re: anyone else scared about having the baby?
 
Hi girls. I recently found out we are expecting number 4 and while we'd talked about having another in the future, I had some reservations as I realized how crazy our house was/is with the two littles and a teenage girl.

While I find myself more excited daily, I have bouts of anxiety...some about miscarrying, but most about just how we will manage, how our lives will change, etc.

I'm just trying to really figure out a schedule that will work and not to get too far ahead of myself...

Also, Sarah, have you heard about placenta encapsulation? It really helps with ppd, energy, and you can breastfeed!

Lmk or pm me if you want more info...

almostcrunchy 08-14-2010 10:02 AM

Re: anyone else scared about having the baby?
 
:hugs:

This one wasn't really planned.....but not prevented at all. I had my first at 16, the 2nd at 23, and I'm 28 now (expecting baby #3).

I was not excited with the timing......or another HUGE age gap.

I think that some amount of apprehension is normal, afterall you've done this before.....so you know the realities.....you realize it's not all cute babys and rainbows.....kwim?? At least for me, that's how I feel.

But I know that things will work themselves out, they always seem to.....and IMO, it's never as bad as you imagine it will be :hugs:

And, FWIW You don't sound like a horrible mother to me.....you sound overwhelmed. Give yourself some time to adjust to the idea.....and PM if you want to talk :hugs::hugs::hugs:

mg5g 11-03-2010 10:38 AM

Re: anyone else scared about having the baby?
 
OP - I can totally relate. My first two are very close together in age and then we have a 6 year gap. Although DS3 was planned we only TTC once before our PBF so I wasn't really expecting it to happen. (Why I don't know because all of our children were VERY easy to concieve.) I spent most of my pregnancy being worried that I would ruin our perfect life - DH and I finally both got really good jobs, our middle son wasn't sick as much anymore and I could finally stop being worried all the time about him, things were going too great! BUT I plugged along through my pregnancy - I did tell everyone so there was a lot of excitment surround us. I can tell you now that I would NEVER go back to that life!!! I have a gorgeous, funny, smart, amazing little 14 month old son who we all adore, even his older brothers are his biggest fans AND he loves them so much his first word was "Brother". Are there days when things are crazy - yep. Do I miss sleep - sure. BUT his little smiling dancing booty is so worth it! My older kids were both really sick as babies and this one isn't (he does have a couple minor things but is totally on track) he gave me the babyhood expereince I never knew I missed out on the first two times around. It will get better!!! You made need a professional to talk to if things don't blend well for you once baby is here but I promise it will get better!


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