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-   -   Behavior Charts (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=991723)

beaute_marquee 05-21-2010 04:21 PM

Behavior Charts
 
For those who use them:
Do they work?
What behaviors do you put on them?
Do you have a reward when they get so many stickers?
How young did you start?

I have a 2.5yo that might grow up to be an axe murderer if we don't get a handle on him. Joking. He's a really good kid, but we haven't been expecting much of him chore wise and stuff, and I think it's time he starts picking up toys, and helping make his bed and little things around the house. Also, he's just started throwing MASSIVE tantrums (that's where the axe murderer comment comes in. It scares me how violent he gets), and I think it might help to have a reward for keeping his temper in check.
Any advice?

krispy79 05-21-2010 07:13 PM

Re: Behavior Charts
 
I work with 3-6 year olds that have behavioral and emotional problems and I use the charts everyday. It helps to reinforce the rules and what they should be doing in their head start classroom.
Each child's chart is different but EVERYTHING on the chart is in a positive form to reinforce positive behaviors. I would never put something like "i did not hit" that only reinforces the word and action hit; instead I say "i used helping hands" or "I used safe/ gentle hands around my friends" kwim?
I think putting things like I cleaned up my toys, I helped mommy make my bed, i brushed my teeth, are good places to start. However, you have to start with tasks that the child can and will do and as time passes and he becomes familiar with the chart and enjoys it you can add more. In the beginning the goal should be to get the child using and enjoying the chart, get them into the habit first.

Suzi 05-21-2010 07:46 PM

Re: Behavior Charts
 
I love charts because they hold us much more responsible as parents :P

Like pp said make the charts positive. make it possible to get at least 2 rewards or so a day. That way if he screws up in the morning his whole day isn't shot. Make is so he doesn't loose things if he misbehaves, he just gets extra stuff if he does good. This is all in how you phrase it. Like if he's starting to act up don't say I'm not going to give you ____ say you won't earn _____. Put it all back on him. Make the parents powerless (in his mind).

What I would do is if you start with something he does often given him one cue to stop. Make the one cue a standard, don't let it turn into 2 cues or my so's notorious 1.5 cues:rolleyes: .

Start small! After he completely masters that 1 thing then add more. Just one thing at a time.

It just takes you caving one time to really set things back. Changing is hard for him and he doesn't want to do things your way or he would already be doing them. If he sees any chance that he can get away with not changing he will go for it 100%. It will be soooo tempting to cave too because he will be grateful and sweet and you will feel like the best mother ever, until he starts back up.

Oh-another area I see mom's slip up is after their dc starts doing better, like a few weeks down the road. They start to lighten up on the program, thinking their dc doesn't need it anymore and pretty soon you are back where you started.

I didn't start a chat until my son was 4 but he just wouldn't have gotten it. I was mainly working on fit throwing and making sure he got absolutely nothing out of it. Then we worked on pick up and I just made him keep doing it. His reward was being out of my clutches. He's autistic and seems to be on track intelligence wise but conversations are much harder so it is really tricky to know what he gets and what he is pretending to not get (an effective way to get out of many responsibilities).

beaute_marquee 05-21-2010 07:49 PM

Re: Behavior Charts
 
I agree with the positive behaviors thing. I was thinking "I used my words when I was angry" or something to that effect. Most of the stuff I'm thinking about is stuff he's used to doing already, except for the chore type things. He does those things, they're just not habit at this point. A lot of times, it's just easier to do it ourselves, and I don't want to continue that as a parent. Thanks for the tips!

Suzi 05-21-2010 07:54 PM

Re: Behavior Charts
 
Make sure whatever it is that it is non-negotiable, clear enough that there is no grey area.

I like the idea of using his words!

beaute_marquee 05-21-2010 08:11 PM

Re: Behavior Charts
 
That's the big thing with him right now. He's usually a really good talker, and can figure out how to say what he means pretty well. But when he gets angry about something (usually when I won't let him have/do something he wants), it's like he switches from my sweet little boy into a demon from hell. There's screaming and kicking and thrashing. Full blown meltdown. I try to just let him scream it out someplace safe, but he's gotten worse. So now, I'm trying the "bear hug" and speaking calmly to him for a few minutes. I want to reward him when he handles his anger well, because I think that might be the key.


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