Thread: sibling rivalry
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Old 04-12-2010, 04:05 PM   #8
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Ami in Deutschland
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Re: sibling rivalry

Originally Posted by magooken View Post
i don't really want to do that. in the past year she's gone through divorce and infertility, so she's having a rough time.
By all means, spend time with her, if you can protect yourself and your family from putting you into roles you don't like. You didn't really give a lot of detail and stabbing you in the heart is a pretty extreme way of characterizing sibling rivalry (especially with such young children). If she's going through a lot right now, that just might be the way she talks to deal with her own pain.

I've got another book rec for you for dealing with her (can you tell I'm bad at summarizing what I mean to say briefly? I end up being terse instead of clear whenever I write in forums.): Dealing with People You Can't Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at their Worst by Rick Brinkman and Rick Kirschner. Don't be put off by the title. It could really be called dealing with the 10 most annoying behaviors people use to try to get what they want, but that wouldn't sell many books. They describe 10 stereotypes and explain what is behind that person's behavior and how to give them what they want (at least a little of it), so you can get what you want.

Ex.: My father-in-law is a perfect "thinks-he-knows-it-all" who gives advice for everything regardless of how much he knows about the subject or how welcome his advice is. What he is after is appreciation, but he goes about getting it in the worst way. Telling me that I should get a maid and that the garden needs tending doesn't really put me in the mood for saying "thank you." But what I have learned is that my FIL will actually stop giving me advice if I say that- "Thank you for being so concerned about us." Amazing. There are, of course, different strategies for different annoyances. The Whiner needs to be treated differently than The Tank. You might be able to get a copy at the library (both books, since they are bestsellers and older).
Little Bear almost 3 years old and Baby Bear 15 Months
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