For those who had difficult pregnancies
For those who had difficult pregnancies, did you have any problems "bonding" or whatever after your baby was born? I know a lot of it is hormonal at this point but I feel so guilty because I almost feel like I resent this baby or something. I hear people talk about being anxious for their baby's birth because they can't wait to just look into their eyes or nurse them or whatever and I remember feeling that way with DJ. I remember feeling like a kid on Christmas eve...nervous, excited, anxious, all at once. This time it's like all I feel is tired and miserable...I want this baby out because I want this pregnancy to be over. Is that a horrible thing to say? Is it a horrible thing to feel?
With DJ, he was my first and he was conceived right after a loss. He was also a very easy pregnancy and he was born early so I didn't really have time to get too antsy toward the end. I was at a different place in my life too...we were newlyweds, we were in the process of buying our first house, everything was perfect and for 9 months, the whole world revolved around that pregnancy and baby. This time I already have a toddler who takes most of my time and energy so there hasn't been a lot of focus on the pregnancy...it's just one of those things...it hasn't really seemed real to me (except when it's causing me problems). DH and I are having serious problems and this pregnancy hasn't really helped that. I'm in a different job where I work from home now so I'm more isolated. I just don't feel as attached to this baby as I did at this point in DJ's pregnancy. We haven't even discussed names yet...not once! With DJ, I would sit there every day and go through all the baby clothes and smell them and fold and refold them (yeah, I know...sappy!) but this time, I got the newborn stuff out of the attic and just feel like "great...more laundry!" I'm trying to "get into" the prep stuff but it's just more work and I'm so tired and achy and DJ needs me and...you know? People keep telling me that my relationship with DJ will change when the new baby is born because I'll be all wrapped up in baby stuff and won't feel the same way about toddler stuff. That's not what I'm worried about...I'm worried that I'll be so wrapped up in DJ that I just won't ever get as attached to this baby. Is it normal to feel this way when it's not your first?
One more thing, with DJ, I did suffer from PPD. I started taking anti-depressants when he was about 8 months old and it made a huge difference but I stopped taking them when I found out I was pregnant again. It's gone WAYYY downhill since then (probably a combination of things). Early in the pregnancy, my MW said that she would probably start me back on meds around 32-34 weeks so that they would be in my system when the baby was born. I've read that it's ok to take the anti-depressants while you're pregnant and it's ok to take them while you're nursing but if you've been taking them while pregnant, you should stop for a couple of weeks before the baby is born so that they can clear out of the baby's system. Like if the baby is born with the meds in his system and then gets more through the milk, it can be too much. I asked my MW about that and she said that there are a lot of things you have to consider and if the depression is really bad...then you have to weigh the risks vs. the benefits. So I don't think I'm going to go Andrea Yates on my children or anything, but I really don't know if the way I'm feeling is normal and will magically correct itself when the baby is born or if I should consider starting back on the anti-depressants now or what.
Can anybody relate at all or should I just have my "mommy license" revoked?
Barbara - Unexpectedly back after a long hiatus...anxiously awaiting #6!