Re: HOW does one decide?!
If something happened to dh and I my parents would raise the boys. They are not perfect but they have the best relationship with the kids and they have learned a great deal from their mistakes raising my brother and I. Plus my grandmother is gone now so I don't have to worry about that (she lived with us growing up and she wasn't a good person). My IL's are too conservative and religious and I do not want my kids forced into attending the same school dh and his sibs had to. Plus they are older (dh is the youngest of 4 kids) and have health problems. My parents are reasonably young and healthy at this point. We unfortunately do not have a back up. I love my brother but he can't handle weekend parenting his own son, I don't think he could be primary care for my boys. Dh's oldest brother is single and living in China, and he hates me. His middle brother has three kids but he is incredibly selfish and immature, as is his wife. I don't like my kids around them at all, we see them once a year, maybe twice. Dh's sister was our original second choice but I have some concerns about her. I guess if the worst were to happen I know at least she would love my boys and her girls are great with them. Her oldest is like a little mommy to Kearnan and her youngest is the same with Tharen. It works out well. Originally my best friend was supposed to be Kearnan's godfather, and he was in name anyway, but we both knew that he would not be around that long. It was just something he said to keep me going through my pregnancy, and something that brought him some joy towards the end, getting to see my son born and getting to be the "godfather".
When I was little my parents left my grandmother who lived with us as the assumed guardian. She had certain guardianship powers to deal with the school or take my brother and I to the Dr since she was the one home with us while my parents worked. However my mother's youngest brother and his wife were listed as a back up just in case something happened to my grandmother or the state felt she was too old to care for us. The down side was my Uncle lived in PA with most of mom's family.