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Old 06-20-2006, 01:59 PM   #20
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dirtdartwife
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Join Date: Apr 2006
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Re: AP Parents Friends with Non-AP parents

I really don't know what to say as I've learned to not bother making comments on others parenting styles except in rare cases where something just really bothered me (like spanking a 16 month old when mom's changing her diaper because she's got a SEVERE diaper rash and mom was rubbing her hard with a disposable wipe).

Most of my friends are more AP than they think so I tend to try to learn from them. I grew up with some non-AP parents... and that's if they were even either phsyically there or emotionally there. (does that make sense?) So I know I tend to use some very non-AP tactics when I lose my cool. I'm still learning to just be patient and not expect so much from my kids. It's hard when you've pretty much raised yourself so you don't have anything to glean from.

I know others that have used leaving their child in a car while standing outside. It's about as disciplinarian as making a child go to their room to throw their fit. Why make others listen to it? Now the car has never been locked, but the child has to sit there to calm down. (This is all under the assumption that other needs have been met and the child is throwing a fit for the sake of throwing a fit- we can all agree that we've seen this happen at least once or twice regardless of parenting style)

I, myself, have dragged my oldest (yes, had to drag her) to the truck because we were in DD2's gymnastics class and my oldest decided she was SOOO not going to listen to me then she starts to just be the biggest beligerent you know what that I've ever seen. And I tried everything to get her to stop her behavior and she just wouldn't quit. It was quite the power struggle. And when I told her "Ok, I've had enough. We need to go to the truck for a talk." She started to get phsyical with me, screaming like I'm beating her, struggling phsycially with me to not walk out the door, screaming at me "Don't spank me Don't spank me I don't want a spanking!" (She's six so IMO, too old for spankings) At this point, I had to grab her by the upper arm and lift her up and drag her out. I'm only 5'4", she's already almost 5' and she's only six. She's SCREAMING bloody murder as I'm walking to the truck so of course, now I have an audience... and not just any audience... people that work at the Child Development Center that will call the MP's in a heartbeat for "alleged" child abuse. I was absolutely so disgusted with her, I made her get into her seat, buckle in and I climbed in the front seat, turned the truck on and turned on my music. She's whimpering in the back seat and trying to apologize but I'm so furious at her I ignore her. There was absolutely no reason on God's green earth for her to behave in that manner. Embarrassed was an absolute understatment. Wanting to put her up for adoption was at the top of the list of things to do that day.

That day made me realize clearly why, in the animal kingdom, some parents eat their young. I never did lay a hand on my child, but she had to sit in that truck for 15 minutes so she could calm down, I could calm down and then we had a serious discussion about her behavior.

The moral of the story is to be patient with your DH's friends. If it's optional for you to go on these excursions, I'd just have a talk with DH and let him now your feelings. You said he's obviously not bothered by it, so I'd let him go with them. Or you can go and make an example out of how you do it. I know for me, sometimes I have to see the AP in action to really understand it. (Does that make sense?)

Sorry for the long post. and thanks if you read through it all!
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