Re: I'm a big mess, depression in pregnancy?
I moved to PA from MI in the beginning of July, got married the 17th of July and conceived this little one in the beginning of September. I have some friends out here (SIL, DH's BF's fiance, and a few others) but no one in this state that I'm really CLOSE to either. There is NO ONE in this state that I feel like I can really open up to and talk to, so I completely understand your feelings of being lonely and isolated. I've had more than a few blue days (months) but nothing that I've felt was bad enough to really make me think I was seriously depressed. More just alone. That kind of sounds like what you're going through to some degree as well.
I can't say everything is peachy now and it's not an issue because it still is. I still don't have anyone that I feel like I can trust, especially after having a super-protective-of-this-bean-and-totally-overwhelmed-with-that anxiety attack last week, but DH and I have been trying to work on that. I could have hugged my OB today since she was so supportive and comforting earlier today. I think, if nothing else, he's starting to realize that I WILL get my way in the end but my reasons for feeling the way I do are pretty sound, so he's not completely and totally opposed to as much as he was 3+ months ago. We're shopping around for a doula, which I'm thinking is going to do nothing but good since I'll be able to find someone I can count on and trust who actually understands and respects what I want from this pregnancy and birth. I'm still contemplating placenta encapsulation, since I'm still really wary of the hospital birth and all that entails, and think that might help if/when things don't go in a way that I feel comfortable with.
One thing that I can say has helped a lot has been knitting. I'm not sure if you knit or not but it's been very calming and relaxing, with the added bonus of being able to completely lose myself in it for a while and not think about everything that's been bothering or worrying me. I know you already have two little ones so I'm not sure if there's something similar that you could get a chance to do, but it's really helped me a lot. Plus, I get to make baby stuff, which is helping me really focus on this little one and gives me the drive to get through some days as positively as possible.
Hugs mama! You are not alone at all, even if it's just with all of us here. I love this DDC and how supportive everyone has been so far and that's made a huge difference for me personally. Things will start looking up soon and every single day brings us all a little bit closer to seeing our little ones on the way!
Andrea, mom to 2-year-old Jocelyn and a graphic designer who loves to knit and crochet. Swagbucks