how to make the choice to have another, when you know you can't SAHM?
I'm having a big dilemma. I suppose I shouldn't even worry about it at all until DH is able to work again, because we wouldn't plan a pregnancy until after he had found and kept a job for a couple of months at least, but, I am a perfectionist, a micro-manager, and I try to plan every little bit of my life, so it is something I think about a lot.
I love my job. I like my boss, my coworkers, and although my job can be challenging and frustrating and even physically exhausting, I do love my job. I could not ever imagine myself quitting this job.
I do not want my children really far apart in age. If we wait until DS is say 5 or so, we will most likely just have an only child, and I do NOT want that.
But I just cannot wrap my head around planning to conceive a child I know I would not be able to SAHM with, that I couldn't breastfeed (my body doesn't respond to pumping, and my job wouldn't work too well with having to pump frequently), that I couldn't practice EC with like I wanted to... there's so many things I could NOT do with another child if I could not SAHM with it. Most importantly, I do not feel I should even think of another child if I couldn't breastfeed it. I feel that strongly about breastfeeding. Granted, DS went on a nursing strike at 3 months and I dried up even with pumping every 2 hrs by 6 months...so he did get formula.. but I just don't think I could make the conscious decision to conceive a child I knew would only get a couple weeks of breastmilk at best, before I'd have to wean him and put him on formula full time in daycare.
Working mom's, how do you do it? Am I wrong to feel this way? Are my feelings stupid? With DS, we were living with family, DH was/is temporarily disabled, and I was only working on weekends. So I was able to stay home with DS the first year of his life, before I finally was able to find work.
I don't want DS to be an only child, but I just think it'd be so unfair to a child to plan it knowing full well it would have to be in daycare from just a couple weeks old, I probably wouldn't even get a full 6 weeks maternity leave, that I wouldn't be able to breastfeed... ALL my friends are SAHM moms, so they don't understand this war in my mind about whether or not maybe DS should be an only child (they all want me to have one more. lol)
Mommy to M
& expecting Feb 2014