Re: how to make the choice to have another, when you know you can't SAHM?
I totally understand a lot of your feelings. I have always been at least a part-time working mom and being a SAHM has never been in the cards for me. My 2nd child ended up being my 2nd and 3rd. I took 12 weeks of maternity leave and then went back to working 24-32 hours, it was difficult but I wouldn’t have traded it for nothing. Sometimes I think back and really do wonder how I functioned, but you just do it. I remember many months of functioning on next to no sleep, my home in total disarray, the endless things needing to be done but it did go by quickly. Studies all vary but as far as nursing going I think it will just depend on how hard you want to work at it once you are back in work, I know I have seen some studies that as long as you breast feed the first 3 months your child still gets most of the benefits of nursing.
Looking back now, my oldest is 5 and my twins are 3 it does make me sad that I have worked full-time half of their lives, I am finally able to cut back my hours. I think there are definite advantages when they are little, but I feel like me being home more now is way more important than it was when they were babies or even toddlers. I just feel like they really need more structure, active time and learning opportunities now than they did when they were smaller. So maybe a longer out goal of when you should try to work less/SAH might be an option. My boys are 22 months apart and it is perfect. They can play very well together and share interests. If I had my way I’d have more, but it is a lot more work once you are beyond one child, but personally I think no matter what you find a way to figure things out, so if you and your hubby are ready and wanting another, I’d go for it. And if it doesn’t all work out the way you plan, then you come up with another plan, and as long as your children are happy I feel like the rest of the stuff doesn’t matter as much. Plus I think there is a reason children don't remember the first 2-3 years of their life, it will stink if your baby has to go to daycare, but you will not be tramatizing your child.