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Old 05-02-2011, 02:31 PM   #9
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canadianbakers
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Re: JuneBugs MAY chat!

Tamara - I can see where you're coming from. We had similar troubles when we were home visiting a couple summers ago with my mom favoring Ruthie over the boys. It was very obvious to everyone, including the boys, even Isaac started mentioning it and he was only just 3yrs old then. DH and I did decide to do extra things with the boys that we wouldn't have done otherwise, or would definitely have included DD in under normal circumstances. And she did notice things we did with the boys and would complain about it. But we pointed out to her over and over that she was getting to go to my parents house for the night every night and getting to do extra things with them, the boys weren't and were feeling sad, so they got to do extra things with us. She didn't like it, but so be it.
It wasn't an ideal solution by any means, but we felt we had to do something for the boys to make them feel special and like they were worth doing extra things for, kwim? Ideally I should have let DH pack us up and come home, but I didn't.

Anyways, my point is that I do understand that need/want to make things fair. I get it. But even for us it came to a point where we just had to say to the kids that my parents were favoring Ruthie and spoiling her and it wasn't going to end up being a good thing for her, even though it may have seemed like it at the time. This came into play a lot when we left for home and she was acting terribly - everything she had gotten away with doing/saying/acting with my parents - and we did have to be honest with her and point out that being spoiled actually is an unfair thing.

And at the end of the day, you just have to make the choice to either do it or not, based on what you feel is best, not on whether she's going to complain and whine about unfairness - she is. No matter what you do. That's how kids are.

Our kids are similar about one getting something, but I don't think it's a boy/girl thing, just a personality difference. Ruthie and Zech both hate it when someone gets something and they don't - which just makes us not want to get them things all the more. Isaac doesn't care and shows appreciation for every little thing - which makes us want to get him things all the time, lol.
I don't know. I think dealing with the whining and all that is just part of this parenting job. I just ignore it and carry on.
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