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Old 05-10-2011, 02:53 PM   #1
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EuphoricDysphoria
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Should I stay home?

I'm sorry if I post this in the wrong place. This is a geniune issue that I am struggling with so please don't turn this into a SAHM vs. WOHM debate.

Currently I work 2 jobs. I'm a nanny during the day and work at a cloth diaper place in the evenings when my DD is in bed. I average 84 hours a week working and obviously it is too much. I'm considering quitting my job as a nanny and staying home with my DD but still working at night. I'm not sure if this is a smart move and here's why...

We are in debt and we want to get out of it. It's debt we got from finishing our basement in our house and it's around $10,000. We want to have baby #2 in December, or at least try for baby #2 and would like to have our car paid off before then and that's $6000. There's other things we would like to pay off and in total the "debt" is $24,000.

Ok those are the reason's not to and here are the reason's why I want to...

I AM MISERABLE. I'm not kidding, the depression is getting very hard to deal with. I'm sick of putting everyone else's family/kids before my own. I choose activities based on what the other children would like, not my DD, I spend hours a day cleaning and doing laundry for another family while my house looks like complete $*** and my DD often eats garbage because her schedule makes it difficult to prepare 2 lunches. Before we can try for baby #2 I NEED to get healthy and working 84 hours a week doesn't allow much time for meal planning, exercise and therapy (I struggle with an eating disorder and my first pregnancy suffered because if it).

I'm really struggling. DH obviously wants me to work but I feel like I'm just done. Is that horrible? I'll still work nights but I can only put about $500 a month towards debt instead of $1500 like I can now. Am I a failure if I do?

Please please help me work through this. I will have to tell my boss before Friday if I am going to leave
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"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." -- Ambrose Redmoon
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