I got better at this over time and aside from adjusting the suction... Relaxation. The more relaxed you are, the more milk flows. Looking at pictures of my baby - or any baby, but my baby worked best for me.
It was never as great as nursing, but I got much more when I started focussing on relaxation.
Also... I know some will get all twisted up about this, but with my middle dd, we just gave her an occasional bottle of formula. I think it was one/day so dh could feed her. I don't feel like it was that big a deal. She was still mostly ebf and it took the pumping out of my life (I had a harder time then, and hate hate hated pumping) and allowed dh to really bond with her.
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anthropologist mom to O
(12-30-04) and R
(4-22-10) Married to my best friend