Re: I did not want to spend my next pregnancy terrified
It sounds like you could really use the help of a doula, there are a lot of people in training that do births for free. I am not at all trying to suggest that your experience was not horrible, but maybe having someone else there for you to focus on and calm you might help things work out differently. Panic attacks can kick anybody down and when you are already having so many hormone changes as one does during labor, I just cannot even imagine.
We are a Military family that lives without limits!