I need to complain!
I had an appointment at with my midwife this morning and it did not go great for me. First of all, they hired a new midwife and I got to see her. I do not like her! She is very religious, and I am not. I don't think there was any reason for her to bring up faith during a regular visit and she did plenty of times, only recommending christian books and nothing else.
I discussed my disconnect between being pregnant and actually having a baby considering my previous losses and the fact that I still haven't had a baby. I acknowledged that it is truly a psychological block for me and that I *know* there is a baby, but that I do not feel connected. During my exam when she was checking the fetal heart tones, she said "good heartbeat for a baby that isn't there". I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry or hit her so I tried laughing it off.
I talked about the fact that DH and I are both experiencing gender disappointment and trying to work through it. She said that the baby was coming and that I had better get comfortable with the idea of a boy, she had a girl when she wanted a boy and everything is fine. I have read that no matter the gender disappointment during pregnancy, everything changes when you actually have your child and hold them in your arms. Still, this is a huge emotional issue for me and if you have nothing to offer other than validation I will take it. However, I don't want you to tell me "tough" that is what is happening.
I also got another round of nutrition counseling. The previous midwife already wants me off of fruit and now this one wants me off of carbohydrates all together! My blood sugar is great and my A1C was perfectly normal. I am overweight, but not obese and my eating habits are pretty damn good. I still splurge, however I had just lost 36 pounds when I found out I was pregnant. I know that gestational diabetes is a possibility for all women, not just for overweight women like myself. I also know that I need to make healthy choices, which I do and I don't believe in cutting out entire food groups unless there is a real issue. I am overweight, however I am healthy by all other measures.
If you made it through all of this, thanks for your patience! It took me a few hours to stop crying after my appointment. Now I am going to take a few days before I decide whether or not to contact the original midwife about my experience today.
Thanks for letting me vent!