Re: Looking 4 Advice on Raising Young Kids from Abusive & Severely Neglectful Backgro
A few things (take it or leave it):
If you have been with the therapist 6-8 months and it is not a good fit (her end, your end, kids end or a combination) I would get a new therapist or two (one for family and one for the kids). Just like you shop for clothing and a car, you need to shop for a therapist who has skill at these type of needs as well as has a similar (can be different but just not sabotage what you are doing) parenting style or willing to work within yours. I would not stick with a bad fit even if that person is known to be the "best" as it is a relative term and may not be best for your family.
If you are homeschooling these kids, it may be a better fit for everyone if they go to school. They may do better with a very strong structure and routine. I know some people are amazing at this with homeschooling but most people I know even if they are doing a great job get very flexible and these kids need a strong routine, structure and knowing what is coming ahead.
Know that it took how many years to get these kids this way and it is going to take at least this many, if not 2-3 times as long to get them into a better place. Its not going to be instant. I would do behavior charts with them (for regular kids I am not a fan) and if possible, lots of positive phrase and some one on one time.
Also, they just don't know how to treat material things, including clothing as they were never taught. This should be one of the many things worked on in therapy and put this as part of the reward chart. I would buy new/clearance vs. goodwill if it is becoming an issue (I buy ahead and new/clearance is cheaper than our thrift/used stores) as they will notice every little thing and they are going through enough that this stuff can really impact them even though I get your intentions and frustration.
If you still are open with social services/have a social worker, get some respite if they offer it. Though the flip side is the kids will know and may look at this as a negative but if you need to recharge it is a good option.
Hang in there. Sounds like you are doing really well and are truly trying. Keep up the amazing job!
Mom to my wonderfully sweet toddler who is the joy of our lives.