05-23-2012, 10:54 AM
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: THE BIG BLUE NATION
Re: Looking 4 Advice on Raising Young Kids from Abusive & Severely Neglectful Backgro
Jon sees a therapist in school, and she just seems like she doesn't think he needs much talk time.... grrrrr...... and they already stay upset with me because Ashlyn was missing a day a week just for therapy. Because therapy would be at 10... and the school is like almost an hour from the therapist office... so by the time we got back it'd be after lunch, and they just nap and play - so they told me not to bring her to school if it was gonna be after 11:30.
Originally Posted by pcjs
A few things (take it or leave it):
If you have been with the therapist 6-8 months and it is not a good fit (her end, your end, kids end or a combination) I would get a new therapist or two (one for family and one for the kids).
If you are homeschooling these kids, it may be a better fit for everyone if they go to school. They may do better with a very strong structure and routine.
Know that it took how many years to get these kids this way and it is going to take at least this many, if not 2-3 times as long to get them into a better place. Its not going to be instant. I would do behavior charts with them (for regular kids I am not a fan) and if possible, lots of positive phrase and some one on one time.
Also, they just don't know how to treat material things, including clothing as they were never taught. This should be one of the many things worked on in therapy and put this as part of the reward chart. I would buy new/clearance vs. goodwill if it is becoming an issue (I buy ahead and new/clearance is cheaper than our thrift/used stores) as they will notice every little thing and they are going through enough that this stuff can really impact them even though I get your intentions and frustration.
If you still are open with social services/have a social worker, get some respite if they offer it. Though the flip side is the kids will know and may look at this as a negative but if you need to recharge it is a good option.
Hang in there. Sounds like you are doing really well and are truly trying. Keep up the amazing job!
Ashlyn's on her 2nd therapist, the 1st felt like she needed more help than she could give, so now we have one I really like, but... it's just like an hour a week is not enough, kwim? But no one is willing to see her more often than once a week. We have very limited resources here, and adolescent therapy is apparently in such high demand, they can't see her more than once a week, sometimes we step out from a session to schedule next weeks and we have to wait 2 weeks.
Both are in school, but they got out May 14th. School starts back August 7th. Bus runs at 6:30. Drops em back off at 3:30. - I'm a very strict parent, the therapist told me to stick to my guns with that, thinking they thrive with structure & routine... but maybe like you said - - - it's gonna take years of it to really get them in sync with it.
We have no involvement with social services anymore. Case is closed. They were typically too busy in thepast to even return my phone call, til 2 weeks later... soo.... bah.
We have a reward jar for each of them and they get tokens when they're good, but it's been no help at all, they both at like - whatever - i don't care.. . shew... seriously... they're like 2 deviant teenagers most of the time. BAH.
But I appreciate your response so much. I just really feel like I need to talk this out with someone. And... my husband isn't really into it, which ticks me off, because he's the one that started all this and swore to step up and help if I got on board with taking this on and now i'm doing it alone. That's a whole nother issue I suppose.
I just don't wanna wear down to a nervous breakdown. I've considered daycare, but none of the decent daycares have openings, not that i could afford it anyways.... We get kinship care on the kids, $600 a month, but it barely covers food, gas to dr.'s/therapy/extra dental charges/ etc. etc.
Can anyone cyber recharge me, please? LOL.
Celia -Wife to Garrett. WAHM to Reese (5) & Brooke (3). EDD for #3 11-17-2013.